Back to the Darkness: A Poem

A small poem to whip the cover off how I feel right now.

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1. Back to the Darkness

My heart is a pool that I float in.
Calm. Clear. Content.
But you throw in a ripple, and it goes out of whack.
And because it's secluded, there is no way to vent.

Lies, betrayals, sadness are stones.
One of the heavy ones, Stonehenge sized;
Thrown by the people that have made my heart their homes;
With the waves created by this stone, water escapes.

Puddles grow, damaging the clearing that is my life.
But that's okay. I can hide.
It will only hurt and cause unneeded strife;
If I reveal the pain starting to grow inside.

Sometimes kind people will come by with kind words like buckets;
They scoop the spilled water and throw it back in;
The marsh and the lake are both beginning to repair;
I feel a bit better, like life's a battle that I just might win.

Some of the people leave after a while.
Others throw in more stones, larger ones.
I'm determined to hide this all behind a smile;
"I'm fine," I say, "No need to fret!"

Then there are the ones that don't mean to hurt me.
But at the same time, they're the ones that hurt the worst.
Like the one person that almost made me feel free;
She broke her promise. But this time it's not a stone.

It's more like a vacuum,
Sucking the water from the pool;
She didn't mean to hurt me. I know she didn't.
I'm probably the only one hurting here anyway.

As all this happens, I sit at the screen.
I read the text, unsure if they just want my attention or not.
My chest starts to hurt. I just want to scream.
Logging off would be the smart thing to do, right?

But I don't think I can.
I'm needed. I know I am.
I'm scared that my logging off will lead to someone's pain.
I don't want to be the cause of a spell of depression.

I breathe in stale air.
I think I might faint.
I would cry if I weren't in school.
I'll be dead by next week at this cruel rate.

Please stop.
Stop lying to me.
Stop trying to make me pity you.
I don't think I can handle it anymore.

I think I'm moving back into the darkness,
Back into the sadness.
The sleepless nights I thought I'd left behind.
Somebody pleas help me.

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