This is the real me

You don't have to read this if you don't want to hear the ramblings of a teenage girl. I don't honestly expect anyone too. If you do don't panic if I stop writing. There'll probably be a reasonable explanation....

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1. Tuesday 27th May 2014

20:30

I suppose I had better tell you a bit about myself, but I can't tell you my name. Someone might know me and this is 'private'. It's not really private because I'm posting it on here, but nobody knows who I am so it's okay. 

I'm 15 years old and most of what I say is the rantings and imagination of people my age. I'm 'content' with life I suppose. I'm not happy exactly but I'm still here. The problem is I over think things and am too realistic. And I also seem to have a problem picking good friends and not falling out with the friends I do have. So you can see, I find it hard sometimes to see the good side of life. I am a typically pessimistic person.

The problem with me being too realistic is awful! I mean I used to have dreams and fan over my favourite bands. (I like One Direction. Get over it.) But recently I just think my dreams are pointless and will never come true. Me meet One Direction? Probably not. Them like me? I'm way too young and just another fan.

The sad truth is I often imagine them or someone else stopping me from jumping, if you get what I mean. You'll get to know that I talk about that quite a lot. So I would be just about to jump, when someone would grab my arm and save me and then we would fall madly in love. Now I start to jump and the next thing I see is me on the floor. It's horrific but it's true.

All I want to do at the moment is cry and I don't know why. I'm not sure whether it's because I'm going through a bad patch and will recover soon or whether I am progressively getting worse. I don't even really remember what it's like to have no worries. Sometimes when I'm with my friends I'll laugh and forget everything but only for an hour at max. After that everything comes flooding back and I want to hide away from the world.

I think I know why. My dad died 6 years ago. There I said it. But the thing is I don't think I ever got over it and now with exam pressure and just hard times at school it's all catching up on me.

I just don't feel like I'm a nice person. I try to be but if I was nobody would fall out with me. At least not as frequently as they do at the moment. I've been called a bitch by what I considered to be my best friend. When I later told them I felt hurt they told me "You did kind of deserve it though." After feeling annoyed at them for a while I've come to the conclusion, maybe I am a bitch. 

So I suppose that's all about me. Congratulations for reading this far. Don't feel the need to read any more. 

Me xx

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