No happy ending

The story is about a guy telling about his first heartbreak.

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1. No Happy Ending

                      ”I want to tell a story about this girl I once knew. It might be a bit of a cliché, but if you think about it every love story has already been written.

                      I’d known this girl for pretty much my entire life. Our mothers were good friends we were younger, though they slowly drifted a bit a part only to become good friends again. Anyways. I want to tell you the story about this girl. Before I start I want to tell you a thing, it doesn’t have a happy ending. Not all love stories can have that.”

 

The first day of my freshman year. I’d seen the girl, let’s call her Mary (which isn’t her real name) walked past me. We had seen each other now and then when our mothers had met up but for the past years I haven’t seen her. In that moment, I didn’t even know it was her. Which is kind of strange.

                      She looked at me and our eyes met before she looked at her friend who apparently said something funny. Mary laughed and in that moment I knew that all the guys (myself included) would do anything to go to prom with her. I wasn’t sure she was a freshman student like me, but it turned out that way.

                      We had one class together – English. I kind of feared she would be that kind of brat that would talk during classes. She was the opposite – well, almost. She didn’t say a thing during classes. She didn’t even answer any of the questions the teacher asked.

                      When school was off I went straight home. I knew, back then, that maybe I should have hung out with some friends but I just didn’t feel like it. Instead I went straight home and made my homework for the following day. It was done pretty fast and by the time I finished my mother came home. I’m an only child and I live with my mum. My dad lives in town and I see him often but they had me and split up three months later. They’re still friends but they don’t see each other often.

                      Mum came home. We talked briefly about school before I went to my room. In three hours I would be going to baseball training. It was the only sport I was good at – as in the only sport I knew. During sport in school I was picked but I wasn’t really good – well except baseball.

                      I went to baseball practice and learned I wasn’t the only one who had noticed the beautiful girl, Mary. But what’s not to like about her? She had long blond hair, blue eyes, long legs and she was beautiful.

                      One guy knew her name. It was the popular guy and of course he knew it. He said her name was Mary and in that moment I knew I’d seen her before. I didn’t tell because I didn’t want to explain how I knew her. While warming up I wondered if she did remember me?

                     

                      The following day at school I was in a group consisting of me and Mary. The teacher, Mrs. Warner, had made the groups and a guy named Willy (I still don’t know who he is, he never showed up) who wasn’t there. It was simple questions and didn’t take long to answer.

                      At least that was how I felt it. We answered the questions and spoke only little.

                      “I’m Mary, by the way,” she said when we had sat in silence for a short moment.

                      “Nate,” I replied.

                      “I have this weird feeling that I’ve seen you before,” she studied me while she spoke.

                      I shrugged. It seemed weird to say that I though our mothers knew each other.

                      She smiled and revealed a beautiful smile – my heart stopped for a fraction of a second before it started to thump in my chest in double speed. “When I was younger, I had best friend named Nate,” she looked down on her hands.

                      “Let me guess, his full name was Nathaniel?” I guessed. I still couldn’t fathom that my parents had named me Nathaniel. It made no sense.

                      She smiled that heart-stopping beautiful smile once again. “That was his full name,” she said still smiling. “He even had the same eyes as you,” she muttered.

                      “Maybe it was me…” I mumbled.

                      “Wait, it was…” she bit down on her full lip and made me concentrate hard not to just stare blankly at her. “Nathaniel Rice?”

                      “Well, that’s me,” I said.

                      She looked at me, stunned. “Unbelievable,” she muttered. “I thought so.”

                      I smiled. “It’s been a long time since I saw you last.”

                      “Yeah, well my parents figured we should move, so we moved only to move back six months later.” She shrugged and shook her head uncomprehending.

                      “Well, I’m still living here,” was the only stupid response I could make up. Damn it!

                      Mrs. Warner got the attention and collected the answers before we had lunch break.

                      “Hey!” said Max(this isn’t his real name) loud. “Nate?”

                      I collected my things and walked to his table.

                      “You know the chick?” he asked me while Dan and Miles(not there real names) came.

                      “Sort of. We were friends when we were little.” I shrugged.

                      “Cool,” Miles said.

                      “Hey, why don’t you ask her to prom while you still got the chance?” Dan said.

                      “That would be awesome, just to tell them that we actually are worth something.” He nodded towards a group of guys in front of us that tended to be the most popular. They were jerks but according to the girls they were hot – or whatever.

                      “Just think about it,” Miles added when I didn’t say anything.

                      “Yeah, I’ll think about it,” I muttered.

                     

                      Days went on and it wasn’t until two weeks later that I spoke with Mary again. She wandered the school and bewitched all the guys – I had to admit that it was me included. I never spoke to her though it was in English class two weeks later that we ended in the same group again.

                      We made the task and sat in silence for a few moments.

                      “You know,” she said. She spoke to me as if no time has passed since we were best bud’s as kids. “A lot of guys have asked me to Prom.” She played with the pencil in her hands and didn’t look at me. I, on the other hand, looked at her and hoped I didn’t stare.

                      “I’m wondering,” she said and looked at me. She met my gaze and I was captivated in her blue eyes. “I don’t know any of them, and trust me, I’ve never done this before, but will you ask me to prom?” she looked at me with huge blue almost pleading eyes.

                      “You’re asking me if I’ll ask you to Prom?” I asked dumbfound.

                      She nodded and looked insecure, all of a sudden. “It’s just, even though we haven’t talked much I still feel like we know each other. And then I rather want to say to those guys that keeps asking me that I already have a… well, a date to Prom.”

                      It took me a few moments to realize she wasn’t kidding. “Wow, um, of course. Mary, will you go to Prom with me?” I asked.

                      She relaxed visible in front of me and smiled that heart-stopping beautiful smile. “I will love to,” she said relieved.

                      “No problem,” I smiled and found myself relax as well.

                      By the end of the class everyone apparently knew that Mary and I were going to Prom together. It didn’t take long before people started to speculate whether or not we were in love or what was happening. Dan, Miles and Max felt it as a victory towards the ‘cool guys’.

                     

                      Nothing much happened until Prom. It was like an unwritten rule that Mary and I teamed up in English class when required. She didn’t mind the rumors of the two of us in love, as she said: ‘when we now it’s not true it shouldn’t bother us’. She was right. And she also said it stopped guys from asking her on dates constantly.

                      The only problem with everything? The real cliché in this story: I fell for her.

                      She didn’t seem to notice, or she never said anything. I didn’t say anything. We became friends again. Close friends.

                      Time passed and it was time for Prom. Everything went smooth and it was a pretty nice evening. She even complimented me – which probably only made me feel high because I liked her. No one knew – not even Max, Miles and Dan. I’d told nobody.

                      It was the week after prom everything seemed to fall down around her. Not me, I would like to point out.

                      It was English class and it turned out to be our last English class together. We were put together in groups and she told me:

                      She was moving.

                      Her dad had gotten a new job in Washington D.C. and moved away from Idaho to her new home in Washington D.C., District of Columbia. It was a long way from Idaho, and a different time zone. There was nothing I could do.

                      She left and even though I missed her I moved on as though she had just been a friend.

                      In my sophomore year I started to date a girl. Her name is not important. I really liked her, though and she pushed Mary out of my head.

                      We split by the time High School ended.

                      I had the summer off before I started at the University of Missouri with a baseball scholarship.

                      As the first day of High School I felt kind of lost. I knew no one – in High School I knew Max, Miles and Dan. Here? Completely on my own. I was glad I could devote myself to baseball, which also became the first place I made friends.

                      I’m not really outgoing but people seem to like me – for some reason. I don’t bother me.

                      It was at campus one day I noticed her.

                      She had long blond hair in a long braid down her back, her eyes were on the ground and she didn’t look up. Her clothes were black, black sweater – despite the fact that it was august and not really cold yet – and black jeans.

                      I didn’t notice her shoes – they were black – but I saw she headed toward the main building. I couldn’t place it but I had a feeling that I somehow knew her.

                      During a football game the following week I noticed her once again. She sat on the row in the back. I looked that way because a friend of mine sat up there – next to the mysterious girl in black. During halftime I left my spot and walked the stairs to the row at the back. The girl in black didn’t look up. The spot next to her was empty as my friend had spotted someone she couldn’t find. I sat down and once again I felt like I knew her.

                      She peeked at me and I noticed her blue eyes. After a quick peek she turned her head and looked at me. “Nate?” she asked.

                      “Mary?” well, that explained how I knew her.

                      “Wauv,” she muttered as she looked at my torso.

                      What could I say? I’d started working a bit out – as soon as I learned I could get a scholarship for my baseball. I wasn’t huge or anything, but compared to High School I had changed. I was a bit taller – four years did a lot.

                      She looked different. Her blue eyes where the same and she was still beautiful, but there was something in the depths of her eyes that has changed. She had changed. As if something terrible had happened to her.

                      “I thought you wanted to attend a university in California?” I asked. Most of her family lived in California it was due to the job of her father she had moved to Idaho in the first place. And to D.C. later on.

                      She bit down her lip and looked down again. Back then she never did that. It surprised me. Silence stretched between us as the game began.

“I was supposed to,” she said all of a sudden.

“Then what happened?” I asked. The game was interesting but she concerned me – I couldn’t figure it out myself either.

                      She shrugged and seemed to look thinner and more fragile than before. She had always been skinny but in a good way. She’d never seemed underweight like now. Maybe that explained the huge sweater? And in black? I won’t say I know much of clothes but that sweater wasn’t something I ever thought she would wear. She had a zest for her life and black didn’t seem to express that. She had never worn black before – not that I’d seen.

                      “I got a scholarship to University of Missouri,” she shrugged.

                      I knew she was bright but it still seemed strange to me. Her family had money, she could attend whatever university she wanted to.

                      She looked at me with sad blue eyes. “Nate?” she asked.

                      I was already looking at her so it wasn’t necessary to get my attention. “Yes?”

                      She took a deep breath and exhaled with sound. “Can we maybe meet sometime?”

                      I frowned. “Sure.”

                      “I…” she rose to her feet. “Can I have your number?” she asked.

                      “Mmm… okay?” I said. She handed me her phone and I gave her my number. It was first later – when I went to bed that night – I came to think that her phone was brand new. The newest iPhone. That didn’t make sense in my mind.

                      Another week later she wrote to me.

                      We met in front of the main building.

                      She still wore the same black clothes and she still had a sad expression on her beautiful face. I knew beauty wasn’t everything but I still liked her. Even after all these years.

                      “Hi,” she said.

                      I smiled in response which also made her smile. It was the same. The same heart-stopping beautiful smile. And I still wanted her as badly as back then. This could get complicated.

                      “Do you want to go for a walk?” I offered. It was Saturday and it was still morning. Not many students were up.

                      She smiled a sad smile. “I haven’t seen the school yet, I’ve been so busy with studying,” she confessed as I we walked.

                      I smiled. I won’t way I didn’t study but I’ve spent time doing other things too.

                      “What you said, it’s true,” she said.

                      “What did I say?” I asked. I rummaged through my brain but I couldn’t find anything.

                      “That I was supposed to attend a university in California.” She sounded wishful.

                      “But?” I asked when after a few moments she didn’t continue.

                      “I couldn’t,” she said cryptically.

                      “I’m sorry, Mary, but I’m kinda lost,” I admitted.

                      She looked at me with those blue eyes. “You don’t know?” she asked.

                      “Know what?”

                      She took a deep breath. “My dad passed during my Senior Year. And my mother is drinking, she don’t see me anymore. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. I am and have always been a daddy’s girl.” She looked sadder and it looked like she was on the verge of tears.

                      “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.

                      That was it. She blinked and looked away from me. I still saw it. I saw the tears slowly trickle down her pale cheeks. I don’t know why, and I didn’t really think about it, I pulled her into my arms and let her burry her face against my chest – which she also did. She was sobbing – silently and didn’t pull away.

                      Her dad had passed? She had always been close to her dad. I knew that, but her mother wouldn’t see her? I felt sorry for her – not just ‘I feel sorry’- and then move on. No, I felt really sorry for her. No one should be abandoned by ones parents.

                      A few moments later we pulled away from each other and I had a feeling I had embarrassed her.

                      “It never really happens,” she said without meeting my gaze. “My mum moved home to my grandparents in California with a message that I could take care of myself. It was just after I’d gotten a scholarship to this university. My dad had never been prouder, and then he passed.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

                      I didn’t know what to say.

                      “She knows I love her. She knows it and yet she won’t have anything to do with me.” Mary said. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was cold.

                      I wanted to wrap her in my arms but I knew better. That wouldn’t help. “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. What else could I say?

                      She shrugged and looked around. Campus was still pretty deserted.

                      “Look,” she said and met my gaze. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or anything. But can we be friends again?”

                      “Of course,” I said. I would love to be friends with her again.

                      She smiled that heart-stopping beautiful smile of hers and looked down. “Tell me, what happened after I left?” she looked at me and we started to walk again.

                      I shrugged. “Not much, to be honest.”

                      She looked at me, frowning. “Something must have been going on.” She smiled. “Did you ever start to talk to Clarissa?” she asked. I’ve changed the name, so Clarissa is not her real name.

                      I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, we dated all through high school,” I admitted and showed my hands into my pockets.

                      “I just knew it,” Mary said and smiled into the space in front of her.

                      “How?”

                      “She had a huge crush on you. I never knew with you but I know she liked you.”

                      “She didn’t get to know me until we began sophomore year.”

                      Mary looked at me, surprised. “Really?” she asked.

                      “Really,” I confirmed.

                      We spent the rest of the morning together until lunch. After lunch I met up with some other friends. We played baseball and did our homework.

                      Mary and I regularly met every Saturday morning. I was a little surprised but it didn’t bother me that I had to get up early Saturday. Usually I went for a run before I met Mary. When I told her she thought it was hilarious. For some reason.

                      It was around two month after we met each other things changed.

                      We kissed.

                      It was a Saturday morning and we walked around campus when she stopped. She was still entirely dressed in black but somehow her face turned even more beautiful. The morning we kissed it felt like she had just seen the light. We were away from the main buildings and she just stared into space. I stopped and asked her if anything was wrong.

                      “Do you date anyone?” was the only question she asked. Her bright blue eyes burned into mine.

                      “Uhm, no?” how would I be able to date anyone when I loved her?

                      I don’t know if she realized it or what happened but she pulled my face down to hers and kissed me. I’m not sure what any of us expected but it felt magical. It felt right. I pulled her close and felt like a happy man. Finally, after all these years, we kissed. I had dreamed of her lips for an eternity by then.

                      When we pulled away she smiled and refused to meet my gaze.

                      I didn’t let her go and since she didn’t struggle to get away from me I had a feeling she liked being in my arms. I hoped so.

                      “I’m not complaining but I didn’t think you liked me like this.” I muttered.

                      Her hands rested on my chest when she tentative peeked up at me. “I…” she bit down her lip and stared at my chest again. The alarm bells should have rung loud and clear in my brain at that point but I was too caught up in her to notice anything.

                      We pulled away from each other and walked back our respective rooms. I’m not sure what expression I had on my face I just knew that I really liked her.

                      The following week we met Wednesday. We talked and I somehow managed to convince her to wear clothes that shoved her personality more than the black hideous sweater of hers. She even told me she didn’t like it. Which didn’t make any sense to me.

                      Anyways, as time started to pass by she slowly started to find back to who she really was behind all the grief and sorrow. I watched her shine. Everyone at the university noticed.

                      We spent a lot of time together and we were in a relationship. She seemed happy and she said she loved me. I’d loved her ever since high school. When I’d told her she just smiled and told me she had feeling it was that way.

                      One and a half month after our first kiss she told me that she’d never been with a guy before. She’d never even kissed one. It took me by surprise but she told me she was happy that I was the one who would be her first. It warmed my heart.

                     

                      We spent our first two years in college together. One night she told me that she had a feeling we drifted apart. I disagreed but I could see in her face that she had made up her mind.

                      “I’m sorry, Nate,” she said. I could see on her face that she wanted to be with me only that she couldn’t. So I did the only thing I could to make her happy – that much I did love her – I let her go.

                      She kissed me on the cheek and left me standing there in my room.

                      The following week I dedicated myself to my homework, my school and my baseball. I tried to convince myself that it was the same as before this. I just had to move on! So the following Friday I went with my friends and slept late the following Saturday. Or, I tried. I woke up an eight o’clock and went for a run when I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I saw Mary walking alone.

                      I couldn’t help it! I am a gentleman and I ran toward her. She didn’t hear me and seemed surprised yet still sad when she saw me. She no longer wore huge black clothes instead she wore colors that always seemed to represent her mood. That day she wore grey clothes.

                      “Hey,” I said.

                      She smiled and continued to look down. “You know, Nate, I’m sorry ‘bout the way I treated you, but…”

                      I cut her off. “It’s okay.” I reassured her.

                      She looked at me, released. “Really?”

                      I smiled. I really meant it, which was what shocked me the most.

                      In a brief moment she forgot to think or something and threw her arms around me and buried her face by my chest. I slowly wrapped my arms around her and rested my cheek on the top of her head. Despite everything I said and everything I had done I still loved her. And even though she didn’t say anything I was a hundred percent positive that she knew it as well.

                      “You know, Nate,” she said without letting me go. “I did really love you, I swear, but I just found myself incapable of loving you back.” She looked up at me with her blue eyes. “You deserve someone who loves you and I know you’ll find her one day.” She smiled. “You look amazing and you are very easy to love.”

                      “…” I didn’t know what to say.

                      She seemed to know that and pulled away from me. “I’m moving to the University of Los Angeles. It’ll happen just after I’ve taken my last exam here.”

                      I was shocked. “You’re leaving?” I asked. I was unable to understand.

                      She nodded and looked down at the ground. “I’m going to miss this place and I’m going to miss you.” Her voice was raw and I knew she meant every single word.

                      Once again I found myself unable to say a single word.

                      “I hope we can still be friends but I won’t push you if you won’t. I’ll understand.” She smiled before she left. It was the last time I saw her.

                      Two years later – when I finished college – I moved back to Idaho, to my hometown. I got a job and I actually met a girl and we did date for a while. But how could I date girls when my heart still belonged to Mary?

                      I knew that I eventually had to move on. And I really did try – jeez, I sound like a girl – but it’s true.

                      It took me another year before I started dating again. It was the same girl and it led to something. We were in a relationship by the time Mary came back.

                      It was two years after I’d moved back to Idaho. She just wanted to see me to see that I was alright. I was alright, after all the time since high school I’d finally moved on. But in the moment she stood there before me I knew that I wasn’t really over her. I’d just found a way to move on. But I still loved her.

                      Mary was my first real love. She was my first real heartbreak and I know that even though I’m writing this now she’ll always have a special place in my heart.

                      She left to go back to Los Angeles. A year later I learned she was killed in a car accident – she had been drinking before she drove. Her mother had passed away a week before and people suspected she only killed herself because of the loss.

                      A close friend of hers called me. She wanted to know if I’d talked to Mary recently. I told her that I’d spoken with her a year ago. In that year I was married and my wife was pregnant with our first baby. The first of three. Mary’s close friend told me that Mary had loved me. She told me that Mary knew I was happy and that was everything that mattered. I received a mail from Mary’s friend saying that she’d talked to her mum. The mail also said that she just hoped I would end up happy – it was the last thing she’d said to her friend. It was the last time she’d heard from her.

                      The following day Mary died.

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