Suicide Letters

On the night that I killed myself I wrote 11 letters. Each to a different person and each allowing me for the first time to tell them who I really was. And why I had to go.

Hope you like. Plan to write for chapters if it gets a good response so if you like it comment, favourite and like!

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4. Mr Blakey

To Mr Blakey.

Once upon a time I was one of those children who enjoyed school. I enjoyed learning new things and I had a great group of friends. It beat home life any day. I guess all of that changed when I first saw you. All the girls were squealing on the day that you arrived.

"Have you seen the new English teacher?"

"SO fit!"

I couldn't see the appeal if I'm totally honest. You reminded me of the television screens where someone has put the brightness up too high and all the colours are just a little too bright. Too good to be true. With your chiseled jaw, sandy blond hair, blue eyes and six pack you had all the girls falling at your feet. Bet you liked that.

On our first lesson you managed to pull off the 'trying to be the best friend' act without going too over the top. You sauntered in, all the girl sighing at their desks and casually said,

"Hey everyone, I'm Mr Blakey, your  new English teacher." Your eyes scanned the room and now I know the reason for that. At the time when they stopped on me I just thought it was a bit weird. But it occurs to me now that you had seen your target. Seen your prey. I'm never going to truly know why you picked me. I'm not particularly beautiful and I wasn't the one you could pull the cotton over the eyes easiest. But you chose me. And I hate you for that.

It was on the third lesson that you first spoke to me. Now that I look back I realise you leaned in just a little too close so I could feel your breath on the back of my neck. You hand, slowly rubbing my shoulder was too far. I should of seen that, but for some reason I didn't. And I never did until the last possible moment. Too until it was too late

Squeezing my knee, rubbing my arm, standing just a bit too close, stroking my hair. It made me feel uncomfortable. Mum wouldn't listen and friends just thought I was exaggerating. I was alone and I was lost. You had me trapped.

February 14th 2012. Valentines Day. How ironic. You told me you needed to see me after class, something about signing course work. I went to the front desk and you showed me where I needed to sign, holding my hand as you guided me to where I needed to write. As I did you started to ask me questions,

"So Mia, had anything for Valentines."

"No sir."

"Shame, shame. You're very beautiful girl Mia, any boy would be lucky to have you."

I laughed nervously, unsure how to respond to the compliment. I finished signing and handed him the paper back and went to grab my stuff. I was desperate to get out of that room. I stuffed my book in my bag, put it on my shoulder and turned around. And there you were. Stood two inches in front of my face, your eyes burning with desire. You clasped my back and pulled me even closer to you, your lips crashing against mine. I struggled furiously but you didn't give up. I punched your chest, arms and kicked your legs until final you pulled back, nostrils flaring.

"What the hell are you doing Mia? You know you want this as much as I do."

Get the fuck off of me you creep!" I spat. Your eyes widened before a sinister smiled crept across your face. Without warning you slapped me so I fell back into your crushing grip. You pulled me forwards so I was pinned against your body. Tears streamed down my face as you grabbed one of my hands and lead them down your body. He held it against the solid lump in his jeans. I gagged and struggled even more but you were so strong. You threw me back against a table, my head slamming against the edge so I fell to the ground. You looked over me, like a lion about to eat its prey. Unzipping your pants you walked towards me and

 

 

I can't. I thought I could recite it and perhaps make you see how much of a monster you were. But I can't relive it. That wasn't the first time was it? Every week for over 2 years. 2 or 3 times a week you would tell me to wait behind. 2 or 3 times a week you would rape me. You took away all my innocence. I became distant and moody so my friends started to hate me. I self harmed to let out the pain as I watched the blood seep down my arm. Then my life started to end. All because of you. All because you're a sick monster. And now I'm dead. I jumped off a bridge because I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the nightmares as you pulled off my school skirt. I couldn't take the way I threw up the nights before English lessons. I've given your name to the Police. Maybe they've already found you.

 

See you in hell,

Mia

 

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