Suicide Letters

On the night that I killed myself I wrote 11 letters. Each to a different person and each allowing me for the first time to tell them who I really was. And why I had to go.

Hope you like. Plan to write for chapters if it gets a good response so if you like it comment, favourite and like!


6. Holly

Dear Holly,

You are the one person that I have the most to apologise for having to write this letter. The one person I can actually consider the notion with that you might miss me. I'm so sorry Holly. You really tried to save me and in no way is what happened your fault. As usual this was me and I hope that you don't think of me that often.


So there's not much I need to explain, you're the only one I trusted enough in order to reveal the real me. You know about my scars, Blakey, my parents and Jamie. You could see from my eyes when I was feeling low and you knew just what to say to make me laugh. Your impression of Donald Duck is to this day the funniest thing I've ever seen.


Do you remember the den? We stole all the cushions from the sofas in eachothers houses and made a den in the garden. It was years ago so you probably don't remember. But sitting under those cushions with our torches giggling and whispering about how we would be best friends forever made me happy. And no matter what it looks like I do like to think back to when I was happy.  


I didn't mean to hate myself Holly. I really didn't. Forgive me. 


So my funeral. Please don't make any part of it religious. Like seriously I will be your personal poltergeist. And I will not be friendly. I would like to be cremated please. I've lived trapped in my depression. It seems about right that there is a possibility I could be set free. Whitby please. That's where I want my ashes to go. I don't mind where. Just make sure I have an okay view. I don't care where you hold it. Make it small, I've counted and I reckon 12 people will turn up. Mum, Aunty Joan even if she hasn't seen me in 8 years, Mr and Mrs Whitworth from next door who I babysitted their dog for and a handful of people from school who reckon they were my friends. They'll be just fine.


I'd also quite like a bench. I looked it up and there's a cheque for £400. I know. Bloody expensive bench. No putting your feet on it. The bench needs to go somewhere I've never been, that way I can be pitifully known by sympathetic strangers walking past and using my bench. They don't know how much of a freak I was and that's the way I would like it to stay. 


But Holly, please don't cry. For starters we both know you have a very bad crying face but also I don't need to regret this decision. If you cry then I'm just afraid I won't be able to make it to the end of the bridge. I need to do this Holly. You must see that. 


Oh and if you get back together with Jo Simon so help me..


Promise to forget me?


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