The Dead Walking 4

(This is the 4th book in The Dead Walking series) I hate death. Its not even the fact someone died really its the after math when you look back and think "maybe I could have done something" and it just eats away at you until you cant take it anymore. And it seems no one really understands it, but you so you are left to face it alone. Just like you're left to face everything else alone now because we're all just monsters too.

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18. I'm Useless

          Carl helps stand me back up. My ribs are on fire. I am gasping for breath. I try to take a deep breath, but it hitches in my throat.

      "Calm down, calm down Izzy. Breath. Just breath. You're okay," Carl insists.

      My heart is racing. I'm so stupid. Why did I think I could protect myself? I'm useless. There is nothing I can do for them. I'm good as dead. And at the moment I could be dying. I can hardly breath. I think one of my broken ribs may have punctured something. Hopefully nothing vital. Carl lays me down gently. "Casey! She needs water, something! She can't breath!"

     I hear someone scrambling through the room in search of water. I stare up at the faded white ceiling as I focus on trying to breath. It's no use. Each breath I try and take only makes my throat dryer and my lungs burn more and more. I shut my eyes and I feel a tear slide down my cheek. It hurts a lot, but that's not what's bugging me. I don't want to die here. In an old gas station surrounded by 5 people I hardly know. I have Carl, but... that's not fair to him. To have to be here all alone to deal with this. I don't want to die here, like this. I want to be at WALMART where my best friend died and I'm surrounded by people I have come to love like family. I don't want to die because of some stupid broken ribs. I have survived the zombies for this long and I can't just die now. Not like this.

     Carl sits down beside me and lifts my head into his lap. He pulls my shirt up to examine my bandaged ribs. He's crying too. I hear someone run over to us. Casey. He hands Carl a water bottle. "Here, Izzy, drink some water." I can't grab it so Carl holds it over my mouth letting a little stream of water fall into my mouth. I swallow as best as I can. It feels nice rolling down my throat, leaving moisture behind, but it still doesn't change the fact that my lungs aren't getting enough air.

       My eyes are barely open and the little I can see is pretty much blinded by my tears. I feel like I am having a panic attack. I can't move, I can't talk, I am frozen, and from the outside I don't look like anything is wrong, but on the inside I am dying.

      "What's wrong with her?" Casey asks.

      I feel Carl lifts my shirt a little revealing my broken ribs. I can just barely see them out of the corner of my eyes. More like the bottom, but close enough. The white bandage is stained red. So then my ribs really did puncture something. It could just be that it broke through the skin or... or it could have hit something vital. Most people would probably assume the better thing, but in my case... with my luck... it's probably not. So I'm not going to sit here and try to assure myself that I will be okay, because really I am a terrible liar and I don't really believe that something will go in my favor.

      So I lay there and try my best to ignore the pain. More for Carl's sake, but also for me because the more I try to ignore the better I get and soon I am able to put the pain in the back of my mind and almost subdue it. I can feel Carl unwrapping the bandage, but I also don't. It kind of feels like when I got shot in the chest. There is a slight tingling sensation, but other than that I'm almost numb. I can feel what's going on, on the outside of me, but not the inside. The part that's killing me.

      "Oh, shit," Casey gasps. He gags a little and scoots back, trying to get away. Could it really be that bad?

     I am able to tilt my head down just a little bit and I can see what everyone is fussing about. It's not that bad. Just a lot of blood. I can't really seem to see what's going on underneath of the surface the stream of blood coming from the area around my ribs. "G- go get a... a rag," Carl stutters.

     It doesn't take Casey long. I here some other people trailing behind him. Melonie, Joel, Aria, Brian, Casey, Carl. They're all surrounding on every side. Carl at my head, Casey at my feet, Melonie and Joel on my right, Brian and Aria on my left. I feel someone grab my hand and see that Melonie is crying, with my hand held tightly in hers.

     Casey hands Carl the rag and some alcohol. He wastes no time. Once he soaks the rag he is already getting ready to clean the wound. "Now Izzy... this is going to burn," he warns. I nod, which isn't much more than a slight twitch of my head.

     He leans forward and gently presses down, trying to clear out the blood so he can get a clear view. Without even meaning to I let out a small screech. My body convulses off the floor a little bit as I try my hardest not to scream. "I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Carl apologizes.

     He continues cleaning it as best as he can and I just try my best to keep my breathing even and to keep from screaming I grit my teeth and ball my fists. Once he is done and he finally able to get a clear view he relaxes a little. I look down to see it and find that part of my rib bone is poking out of my skin. I gag a little and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to get the image out of my head. I can feel myself trying to pass out and I force my eyes open.

     "Oh, my, god," Casey shakes his head really fast, with his eyes closed. He really is kind of a baby. I mean I'm the one with the bone sticking out of me, not him and he's freaking out even more than me. "What are we gonna do?" he asks, worriedly.

     "We have to... we have to set it back in place... but I'm not a doctor. I don't know how to. I could mess up and really damage something. I- I don't know if I can," Carl strokes my hair a little as he thinks. "I don't want to hurt you more," he whispers.

     "You- you won't. I mean you can't really," I pause to take a breath. "You can't hurt me more than I already am. Just do it. Or else I'm gonna bleed to death."

     His face looks torn. "Okay... I need you guys... to hold her place... in case she moves. I'm not completely sure how to do this, but I've seen Beth and Hershel do it so... I know the basics."

     I feel each kid hold down either and arm or a leg of mine. Casey is the one who would actually be restraining me. I take a deep breath and shut my eyes. Carl places a hand on either side od my body. I wince at the touch. He doesn't do anything for a moment then I feel it. I can't hold it in. The pain starts at the source, then makes it's way through my body, all the way to the very tips, where it settles. I don't feel anything at first. Then it hits me. All at once.

     I can't stop the scream that escapes my mouth and the way my body twists and turns. You'd think it would hurt worse to move, but it doesn't. I don't feel anything besides that pain. The one that is still making it's way through my body, touching every inch it can. Then the world goes black.

 

     Okay guys so I know that chapter had like no dialogue, but I hope you enjoyed her somewhat sarcastic thoughts about her life and death. Please, please, please let me know what I can improve, or what you like about my writing, or what you think I should include more of. Tell me what you think of my story, ANYTHING that can make my story better ANYTHING that you liked so I can do it more often. Remember... 5 comments, 1 like, or 1 favorite! Love you guys <3

             xoxo~ Samantha

    

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