Bullsh-t

I hate love stories. Any novel or book that starts with "I hate love stories" I shrug off and mumble "bullshit." I hate the fake love scene where they obsess over this "Perfect guy" and always screamed about how the girl was smart and pretty, but what I hate more was the stories that pretended they weren't such bullshit.
You see these romance stories all the time, he saw her and she saw him and it was perfect. He was handsome she was beautiful and everyone thought they were perfect. She was scared, but he new what to say because the world is perfect like that.

I'm calling Bullshit.

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10. Sunday

"Is it really already Sunday?" I asked myself that morning. I flipped open my phone and glared at the little virtual calendar. Sunday April 13 2013. There was no shaky nerves or bewildered excitement. Honestly, Sunday felt like just any other Sunday. Well, it did until Jacob texted me.

Jacob: So are you coming over soon?

I wondered if he was having a normal morning too. Whether it was my own vanity or hope I figured he probably had butterflies in his stomach.

Me: I still need your address you know

Finally I got Jacobs address and my dad agreed to take me over to his house. While we were on the way to Jacobs my dad started asking, "So what's with this Jacob kid?"

"I don't know. He kind of wanted to hang out and play Skyrim and stuff like that." I said while texting Jacob that we were on our way.

My dad smiled and rubbed his stubbly face, "It's nice that your making some friends again." It's been a long time since I hung out with people outside of school besides Nora. My parents are always welcoming the people I invite over, but Nora makes them worry. I guess I would worry too if my daughters friend was a girl with purple hair and piercings who swears all the time.

My phone went off again.

Jacob: Where are you?

I shook my head at the phone.

Me: We left like five minutes ago.

"What?" My dad asked while I was texting Jacob.

"Impatience child." I muttered before snapping my phone shut.

My dads grin grew bigger. He scratched under his old baseball cap and said "I think he likes you." Dads are amazing at telling whether or not a guy likes you. Dads are also amazing at telling whether or not a guy is good for you. The hard part is trying to tell a daughter that a guys not good for you.

"Too bad I got a boyfriend." I said while flipping my phone. Dakota had finally started texting me again telling me that his phone had been broken the last few days. I told him about how Jacob was in a tough place and wanted me to come over today making sure to leave out the details about Jacob wanting to sleep with me. Dakota ended up calling me immediately after my text.

Before I could even say hi Dakota blurted, "So are you going to fuck him?"

"No, I want to help him through this." I objected, but of course he didn't listen.

Dakota just continued, "Oh so you just want to fuck him."

"No!" I groaned. It was the first time I actually lied to Dakota.

"Sure I leave for a few days and suddenly your all over this other guy-" Dakota began ranting.

I ended up interrupting him before he could finish, "No, I just don't want him to have to go through this alone like I had to." an eerie silence followed my outburst.

"So . . . was I nothing to you after Sean?" he asked with a dark tone.

"It's hard to realize someone's there when they never speak to you." I muttered back.

In the end Dakota said he'll put up with me looking out for this guy, but he didn't want me going over to his house. I guess I would've stayed if I didn't feel so lonely this morning. Maybe if Dakota would've texted "I love you too" instead of "I'm really busy we'll talk later" I would've done what he wanted.

Instead I'm sitting in my dads loud rumbling truck passing Roosevelt high school with Jacob texting "How far are you?"

I flick my phone open and finally respond, Me: Close why are you so impatient?

Jacob: Ok I'll be waiting outside. And because I really want to see you.

My cheeks warmed at the sight of his text and made me perk up after a depressing morning. Before I can text back my dad pulled into a drive way where a tan boy with goofy brown hair was leaning against a car in a black heavy coat. Just a few days ago it was sunny, now chilled winds are weaving their way through Sioux Falls.

I thank my dad and he tells me to behave myself before I hop out of the old pickup truck. Jacob slid his phone in his back pocket before wrapping his arms around me. "Are we on a hugging basis now?" I teased as I hugged him back.

He lets me go with his cheeks a little red, "I just . . . needed a hug."

"Something wrong?"

"No just a bad morning with Kathrine."

"Kathrine?"

Jacob gave me an absurd look, "You never knew my girlfriends name."

My hand ran to the back of my neck, "No sorry." I honestly didn't want to know her name. It felt wrong to tell a guy to leave a girl like I was doing, but I couldn't just leave him with her locking him up like this.

He shook his head with a cheesy smile on his face, "No its ok."

"Can we go inside it's freezing." I said as the wind found its way through my light jacket.

Jacob grew wide eyed and began apologizing as he lead me inside. The minute we stepped inside a wave of warmth came over me. Jacobs house was one of the newer ones that looked similar to the ones on the rest of the block. Usually I hated these kind of houses, but something about Jacobs felt comfortable. His mom was in the kitchen making ribs while his dad was asking her what movie to watch. They weren't acting weird because someone new was here nor did they make me feel like I was invading. It was just cozy.

Jacob pulled me toward his mother and introduced me to her. She got a warm smile on her face and asked me to stay for dinner, but the minute Jacob turned his back she snickered and whispered, "I heard he was having friends over today so I made him take a shower this morning. Your welcome."

"Want to go down stairs and play some videogames?" Jacob asked while giving his mom a suspicious look.

"Sure." I said as Jacobs mom winked at me.

Jacobs room was a little cleaner than I expected. Mine was cluttered with nick-knacks, but Jacobs was somewhat clean with a PlayStation 3 set up, a big queen sized bed, and colorful paintings on the walls. Jacob sat in front of his TV and patted the empty carpet space next to him.

"So what do you have?" I asked while taking the seat next to him.

We ended up playing two player on Sly for about ten minutes before he asked, "Ever seen Markiplier?"

"I recognize the YouTuber, but honestly I never got into him." I admitted while he gave me an offended look.

"No this is just unacceptable." he said while shaking his head. He looked up some videos and began to play them. About five minutes into a video he moves over to his bed and lays down. "You have a dare to pay up." He said with a goofy smile on his face and his arms out stretched towards me.

I laughed at him, "Bullshit I do."

Jacob put his arms down and said, "Please. I know you don't want to cheat, but it's just cuddling and I know you miss it as much as I do."

"Does Kathrine not cuddle you?" I asked with my arms crossed.

He looked down shamefully and shook his head. After a moment of silence he looked up at me with his big brown eyes, "Don't you miss cuddling?"

I missed having a boyfriend who wanted to talk to me. I missed having a boyfriend I wasn't afraid to talk to. I missed having someone tell me everything was going to be alright. I missed someone holding me when I was scared. I missed it when someone was there to kiss my tears away. I missed having someone to tell my worries to late at night. I missed cuddling, but most of all I miss having someone close to me.

I felt my legs grow weak as I was reminded of the wants and need I've learned to suppress. Soon enough I stumbled into the bed next to Jacob. He put his arm around me, I threw my leg over his, and I rested my head on his chest. I didn't look up at him due to my burning cheeks all I did was listen to his heart beat. It was loud like a drum that was trying to break out of his chest.

"Your hearts beating really hard." I said as I put my hand over the center of his chest. I felt so small pressed up against his chest next to his heavy heart beat.

"Well, its been a long time since I've cuddled with a beautiful girl." He replied while putting his hand over mine. Jacobs hand was huge compared to my thin fingers and small palm, yet his were still soft and held mine gently and carefully like I'd shatter any moment.

I rolled my eyes at him again, but this time with a smile on my face "Don't you find your girlfriend pretty?"

He shrugged, "She is, but you're beautiful and sweet." He said while he snuggled closer to me. It had been too long since I've felt someone's arms wrap around me. Jacob made me feel safe and warm in his arms, yet for some reason I was still getting goose bumps down my arms.

I looked up at Jacob and saw him staring back at me. His brown eyes grew bright. They looked almond instead of dark brown. His brown hair was a bit of a mess, and his face was so close I could see the light freckles on his tan skin. In a moment his face changed. His eyes grew softer and brighter, his cheeks gained a pink tint, and his heart beat slowed into heavy thumps. Before I realized what he was doing he kissed me on the forehead.

I jumped back and out of his arms "Woah woah woah. Take it easy there."

His eyes grew dark again while he asked, "Whyyyy?"

"Because." I started while pointing at him, "Girlfriend." Then I pointed at myself, "Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Boyfriend. Ringing any bells yet?" I asked.

Jacob put on a grumpy face and mumbled, "It was just a friends kiss."

I opened my mouth to object only to find myself closing it again. I've had many friend who've kissed me on the forehead at a church camp I go to every year. It was never meant to be romantic or sexual. We kissed each others foreheads to let each other know we appreciated them. Soon it became a social norm on the camp grounds, but I was never sure how normal it really was.

"Ok." I sighed while returning to his arms, "I'm sorry I just don't get many friendly kisses." Even though I bought the "Friends kiss" thing I still felt my body tense up. What was I even going to get out of this? He has a girlfriend, one that he loves, why would anyone ever abandon that for a mess like me? What am I doing here?

My mind was buzzing with questions making me lose myself in thought. I didn't snap out of my worried thoughts until I felt Jacobs soft fingers stroke my cheek and lift my chin upwards. Before my cheeks could even blush Jacob leans down and kisses me on the lips. His lips were soft and gentle, and his hand moved down on my neck.

I felt the questions that buzzed in my head evaporate. I felt my tense body melt in his arms. I felt my panic mind calm. I felt my silent heart beat harder and faster again. This must be what it feels like for a phoenix to rise out of the ashes.

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