Things Just Happen

This is a rant book, where I can just put on issues that I come across day by day, which'll help me, but hopefully you too :) x
*Warning* will contain swearing.


28. Helping people

On a social media website, I am part of a community for suicidal people. I'm not there to post my feelings, I'm there to comment on other's posts and help them out. This can be really tricky, considering that I know next to nothing about these people.

The thing is, there's no point getting emotional over people saying "I think I'm going to do it tonight... But I want a reason to stay". There's no point saying "Don't do it, it's not worth it! All your friends and family will miss you, I will miss you, don't do it!" Saying that is basically what they've come to believe isn't true. They've convinced themselves countless times so saying that will just make them deny it even more and make them want to leave more. They need a legitimate reason, from a complete stranger. They don't want a reason that will only work this one time, they need one that will work everytime they want to try.

So everytime I see one of these posts, I try to come up with a completely general reason for them to live. I have to come up with a detailed one, and an original one every single time. I know that there are others who want to help people like this, and I know from the caring community on Movellas, there's a lot of those helpers here. So I'm gonna post a few reasons I've given recently, maybe for you to give to a stranger next time you see a suicide post.


"Why am I still alive?"

 Because we have control over our lives. We may not have a purpose designated to us; most of us don't, that's the beauty of it. We have to discover ourselves and make our own purpose. Otherwise, it's just meaningless. Our generation in particular... We're sitting around waiting for answers, to understand what we're doing and when we're not getting our answers, we're getting frustrated. We want someone to understand our frustration of not knowing and not understanding, but we're so scared of being alone when we are so many, and we start taking it out on ourselves.
Stop waiting for answers. Make your own purpose. You're asking why, well, make your own reason. Make your "why" getting good grades. Make your "why" helping people. Make your "why" as short term and long term as you want, and when you've reached that, set yourself another "why". It's a bit like literacy targets; finish your target and move on to the next.



"I'm giving up.
I'm done fighting.
I'm done trying.
I'm done crying.
I don't want to hurt anymore!"

Then don't fight. Don't try. Don't cry. Just don't do anything. Will that get you anywhere? No. If you fight, if you try, if you cry, then only will you learn. Yeah, it's tough and you don't want to, but when you're done doing all of that, you blossom and do wonderful things. You learnt to walk as a kid; after you were done falling over again and again, you could walk. So do your fighting trying and crying and then just move on to do things that make that time worth the blood sweat and tears.

"I don't know if I can."

Because you don't have faith in yourself anymore. See, we all have magic inside of us, and we choose to put that magic into something, whether it be a person, an object, or a feeling. When we lose that thing that we put the magic in, we lose faith in ourselves. Before you do anything, have a little hunt around for that magic of yours, okay? Play around with it a little and then tell me you can't.



"Why am I alive why? Why can't anyone see the pain I'm in? Why can't I be good enough for anyone? Why am I ugly? Why am I not dead?

Why would you be placed somewhere without a purpose? Even a mantelpiece has a purpose, even if its purpose is just decoration. Just because you haven't figured yourself or your purpose out yet doesn't mean you should give up. The rule for finding things applies to this as well; you will find it where you least expect it, and you will only find it when you stop looking for it.


"I'm crying inside while everyone around me is happy and scar-free."

It doesn't have to be. Pain and suffering and all that... It's just a fear in our minds. Of what, I'm not sure. But you don't have to be crying inside.
There's a story in my religion. I'm not particularly religious, but this is one of my favourites. A man was meditating to find moksha - liberation from re-incarnation. Re-incarnation is basically another version of hell, you're born again and again until all your sins are paid for. He wanted to end his suffering, so he went into meditation. He was so deep in it, that once a man tried to hammer a nail in his ear, and he didnt even realise. He didnt feel the pain at all.
I'm not saying you need to meditate or be religious; I'm just saying, the pain you're feeling is an illusion. If you want to be happy, stop looking for reasons. Stop looking for reasons to be upset. It's easier said than done since most of the time people don't realise they're doing this. You don't need to feel pain when a nail is hammered into you; you choose to take that as a reason to feel pain, but you don't realise at all that you're doing this. And stop looking for reasons to be happy too. Wake up everyday and smile just to be. Be happy to be alive. It's not easy to do, but it's possible if you let yourself, because without realising, it is only ourselves and our fear holding us back.


"Well, this is my arm..." (they had posted a picture of their scars)

Hey, right now they're looking like scars at the moment than cuts, which is a good thing - that is, if they are scars. Obviously it's not a good thing that you're self-harming, but take it step by step. How many days clean are you?

"2 days."

That's a good thing. Try and make it to three, okay? And if you can't do that, then give yourself a day or two and get back to staying away from the blade again. Try doing it three days then. If you relapse after that, give yourself a day or two and then try four. Don't push yourself unrealistically, and put yourself in the mindset "I want to improve myself, I want to stop this. I will stop this." You can do this, just take it little by little. Try to beat your previous record by at least one day. If you can do more, then great - but if you can't, then take baby steps, and you'll get there. I'm not going to say it gets better because for some it doesn't - but it can get better if you want it to.


"I sought professional help. Not worth it." (this was a comment on someone's post)

Yeah, you tried, but did you really let them help you? Because that's often the case. The fear of having to talk to a psychiatrist sometimes leads to not letting them help you without realising that you're not.




The thing I'm trying to say here is that in these sort of cases, sympathy is the last thing someone needs. They need logic, they need a reason, they need a thought. You sort of have to give detailed reasons, not just a "Oh, please don't go, you'll miss out on so much!" I hope this helped any of the people trying to do the same as me. If you were already doing this, then great. And those of you who are receiving help from just normal people, please appreciate them. Sometimes the posts can be really triggering for them, yet they go on it and try to help anyway. They are putting their own mental health at risk for you, voluntarily, in hopes that they can change someone's life, and that is a really brave and difficult thing to do. I myself have found posts triggering but I still go on them, because I hate seeing people in that condition. Even if you don't say thank you to them, please appreciate what they've done for you and respect them. They're doing an incredible thing, there's not a lot of human beings like that in the world now, so please please appreciate their help and respect them as a person.



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