Letters to Luke

She has severe depression, relying on bands to get through the pain. He’s in a world famous punk-rock band, he’s her hero. She writes him letters to help cope with the hurt, hoping he’ll understand, hoping he’ll someday reply.

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4. Letter Three - 30th of June 2014

Dear Luke,

Hi again.

Before I get boring I just thought I’ll tell you about how much I love the album. It’s amazing; I have no words to describe it. Everything I Didn’t Say has got to be my favourite song by far. It’s incredible! I’ve gotten a few noise complaints from the neighbours for playing my music too loud. Ooops.

 

I have good news and I have bad news...

Good news is, I’m eating again. Over the past 3 days I’ve demolished a whole block of chocolate.

 

Bad news is I found out yesterday that dad is on parole. They’re letting him out. I’m so angry and so is Melanie. Mum says she can’t do anything about it which sucks. Dad can’t come within 300 metres of us or something but we never know where he’s going to be at specific times. What happens if we run into each other a café? Or if we’re shopping for bread and we reach for the same loaf at the same time? I swear no one’s thought of this. I can guarantee something bad will happen.

 

I was 3 weeks clean until yesterday; the kids at school didn’t help either.

‘I heard your psycho dad’s out of jail. You’re so weird he’ll probably kill you first.’

Or

‘Look, it’s that girl whose dad killed her sister. I heard he’s being released on parole.’

 

Small things like that made me freak out. I had a panic attack halfway through maths after I’d heard a kid talking about how his pet snake suffocates its prey. I felt so stupid afterwards especially with all the fake sympathy.

 

I’m seeing a new psychiatrist; she actually knows what she’s doing. Mum doesn’t like her but I do. She really gets me; she understands more than the last guy did. She understands why I like music so much. She says when she suffered depression she turned to music. She thinks that my writing to you has helped. She also told me writing songs and poetry helps. I honestly think it’s a good idea and I’m going to try it the next time I feel the urge to cut. I think whatever she’s doing is really helping because when I cut last, I regretted it and it didn’t feel good.

Sorry if I’m boring you with my life. Maybe if I get around to writing another letter I’ll have a #1 song for you.

 

Yours Sincerely,

Bridie x

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