dark moon

a twilight fanfiction.


4. Chapter 2: Blood Lust:

A blood thirsty monster awoke within me as the intoxicating scent of blood threatened to overpower me.
An unquenchable thirst blazed in my throat.
The overwhelming desire to devour soared through my body.
A precious drop of the sweetest blood I would ever taste fell to the floor; a profoundly coveted treasure outrageously gone to waste.
I had tasted it before. My memory rekindled the remarkable flavour, and it was even more delectable than I remembered.
I immediately stopped breathing, unable to concentrate.
The blood.
Bella’s blood.
The aroma of Bella’s sweet, fresh, nectar had me hypnotised. 
Not even half a second had passed when my attention was diverted.
Jasper’s fragile resistance had shattered as his demeanour transformed; he became a lethal hunter.
I saw his predatory thoughts as he lunged for Bella.
“No!” I roared as I flew towards Bella, grabbing her before jumping across the room; over the table, smashing through the cake and vases.
The glass fractured and dispersed explosively in all directions, scratching at my granite skin with no effect.
I landed with Bella amidst the rubble of scattered glass and birthday decorations just as Jasper thundered into me with an impact so huge that it made me stumble slightly.
My body was automatically in a protective stance blocking Jasper’s access to my Bella.
In his hunter’s crouch vicious growls escaped my brother’s venom filled mouth; his teeth snapping ferociously as he attempted to get around me.
I could sense a large quantity of blood but I daren’t take my eyes off Jasper to look at Bella.
I couldn’t allow myself to be distracted.
But I was frantically worried about her, hoping she was okay and I hadn’t damaged her too much.
In the next moment, Emmett appeared behind Jasper, locking his grip on him.
Jasper struggled furiously against Emmett’s hold; desperate to get to Bella.
His thoughts had no words, just ravaging senses and intense bloodlust instructing him to attack.
I kept my focus on Jasper as I swiftly scanned my other family member’s minds. Their thoughts were all disarray.
All of them were fighting against their natural instincts to attack and devour.
They all stared at my Bella with hunger.
All except one.
The one who would take control.
“Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside.” Carlisle instructed.
Right, okay, get away from the blood. Emmett thought.
He hurled Jasper back.
“Come on Jasper.” He said, as Jasper snarled and thrashed in his grasp.
Need her! Jasper’s thoughts screamed.
I growled automatically, needlessly vicious in response and switched my stance to ensure Bella was completely protected.
But how could she be when she was surrounded by blood thirsty vampires?
Myself being her protector, included.
Esme hurried to open the door to let Emmett and Rosalie out with Jasper.
“I’m so sorry, Bella.” She sobbed before disappearing after them.
I kept my eyes on the door, and my ears alert as a precautionary measure, expecting Jasper to come hurtling back in for Bella.
“Let me by, Edward.” My father instructed as he tried to get round me to check on Bella.
I hesitated, not wanting to break my defence.
Edward! I need to check Bella’s injuries. There is a lot of blood. He said forcefully in his mind.
I nodded and then resentfully moved out of the way.
Carlisle assessed Bella, assisted by Alice, whilst I stood motionless with my thoughts.
The aroma of Bella’s fresh blood was heavily intoxicating the air; I could feel it, and I daren’t breathe.
I didn’t want to lose control like Jasper.
The danger!
The risk!
How could I have been so irresponsible?
The repercussions of my actions over the past nine months began to play themselves out in my head.
From seeing Bella for the first time to the present I had subjected her to the worst possible dangers.
Tonight had put things into perspective.
My overwhelming shock was unbearable.
I was utterly horrified at the event that had just occurred.
If I was human and alive like Bella; it could have been described as a ‘living nightmare.’
“Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of you here?” Carlisle said in his soothing voice, but I could sense the urgency in his mind.
“Here, please.” Bella whispered.
“I’ll get your bag.” Alice said, before dashing upstairs to my father’s office.
“Let’s take her to the kitchen table.” Carlisle told me.
I bent down and delicately lifted Bella into my arms, desperately hoping it didn’t cause her any more pain than she must have been already suffering.
Carlisle proceeded to maintain pressure on Bella’s arm to stop the bleeding as we walked into the kitchen.
“How are you doing, Bella?” he asked, as I carefully sat Bella in a chair.
“I’m fine.” She replied, confidently.
I was not convinced. 
Alice was already there, waiting with Carlisle’s medical bag.
Without hesitation my father began his ministrations and started to treat Bella’s injuries.
I stood there.
Terrified to move.
I envied my father’s self control and how thoroughly easy it was for him to be comfortable around the blood.
It hardly bothered him, whilst my thirst raged within me.
The temptation was disgustingly taunting.
Even Alice was handling it better than me; she remained composed but inside her mind she was concentrating on Jasper as a distraction, wondering if he was alright.
Bella’s blood was more potent to me than anyone else.
My mouth was watering with venom.
The restraint I forced myself to maintain was physical agony.
“Just go, Edward.”  Bella sighed, disturbing my thoughts.
“I can handle it.” I said through gritted teeth.
“You don’t need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air.”
I agreed that the fresh air would help; hopefully it would clear my senses. It wasn’t safe for me to be around Bella, especially with my barely controlled thirst.
I was just about to retreat and leave when Bella winced in pain as Carlisle began removing shards of glass from her wound.
I couldn’t leave her in any pain.
Seeing her in pain was much worse than my own agony.
“I’ll stay.” I said.
“Why are you so masochistic?” Bella muttered.
“Edward, you may as well go and find Jasper before he gets too far. I’m sure he’s upset with himself, and I doubt he’ll listen to anyone but you right now.” My father interceded.
“Yes, go find Jasper.” Bella agreed eagerly.
“You might as well do something useful.” Alice urged.
I did not appreciate their efforts to force me to leave, but I decided not to argue, so I nodded and grudgingly left Carlisle to continue treating Bella’s injuries.
My eyes lingered on Bella briefly before I sprinted out the door.
As soon as I was outside, with a significant distance between me and the house I allowed myself to inhale deeply.
The fresh air I breathed in was unpolluted by the scent of Bella’s blood.
It felt like a wave of relief as it helped clear my predatory senses.
I paced slowly, giving myself a few minutes to organize my thoughts. I forced myself to remain calm as I went to find and talk to Jasper.
Two seconds later Alice dashed past me; obviously she wanted to find Jasper too. After another minute, I followed her into the trees to locate my brother who had just attacked the most important person in my world...my Bella.
I found him deep in the forest sitting on the mossy ground; his head in his hands, Alice and Emmett were sitting either side of him. I could hear his tormented thoughts; he was utterly sickened with disgust and guilt for almost killing the one his brother loved beyond belief, the one who was also his wife’s best friend.
At my approach Alice and Emmett turned to glance up at me, both their expressions were unreadable but I could see in their minds, they were both in shock. Jasper kept his head in his hands but he knew of my presence and spoke to me in his head
I’m so sorry, Edward.
I could see he was replaying the attack over and over again, his mind wouldn’t allow him to forget any more than mine would.  As I saw the attack through Jasper’s mind, I witnessed how he’d targeted Bella as his senses took over. His sole intention at that moment was to destroy her for the sake of the drop of red juice oozing from her finger. My hands curled up into fists at my side and it took all my willpower to not shift into a crouch. Jasper felt the sudden change in the emotions radiating from me, and in one swift movement jumped up onto his feet and sprinted into the trees leaving behind a silent Sorry.
“Jasper!” Alice called out worriedly, as she prepared to set off after him.
“Leave him, Alice. He’ll be fine. Let him have some solace from all the emotions expressed here.” I said quietly.
Jasper would be fine, eventually. He needed time to deal with his actions.
We all did.
Emmett sprinted off to find Rosalie to go hunting in order to sedate his thirst, while Alice and I sauntered silently back to the house.
I maintained my distance from Bella.
I could hardly bear to look at her with all the guilt I felt, but I kept my eyes steadily on her, watching her every movement and expression carefully.
Her arm was bandaged covering the wounds I had caused, although they were minor compared to what Jasper would have done.
I was still blameworthy.
Remorse flooded through me.
I had exposed her to blood thirsty vampires.
Alice got Bella a change of clothes that weren’t blood stained, and gave her the unopened presents before I took her home in her truck.
Neither of us spoke.
The silence was uncomfortably strained.
“Say something.” Bella pleaded after a few minutes.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me you forgive me.”
It felt as if my gut was being twisted in shock and anger.
“Forgive you? For what?”
“If I’d been more careful, nothing would have happened.”
“Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut – that hardly deserves the death penalty.”
“It’s still my fault.”
I snapped. “Your fault? If you’d cut yourself at Mike Newton’s house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn’t find you a bandage? If you’d tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own – without someone throwing you into them – even then, what’s the worst? You’d get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up – and he wouldn’t be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don’t try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself.”
“How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?” Bella demanded.
“Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with!” I snarled, making myself angrier.
I would rather be exterminated than see Bella with vile Mike Newton.
But my statement was true.
My devastation besieged me.
“I’d rather die than be with Mike Newton. I’d rather die than be with anyone else but you.”
“Don’t be melodramatic, please.” I replied frigidly, although her feelings mimicked mine exactly.
“Well then, don’t you be so ridiculous.” She replied.
We plunged into silence once again, until we arrived at Bella’s house and she asked me to spend the night.
“I should go home.” I answered.
It pained me to be away from Bella; I struggled with the anxiety of not being in her presence, but tonight things had changed irrevocably.
Not my feelings for her - no, they would never change.
It was something else; something my mind could not yet determine, but I felt the difference.
“For my birthday?” She implored.
I groaned mentally. “You can’t have it both ways – either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don’t. One or the other.”
She sighed. “Okay. I’ve decided that I don’t want you to ignore my birthday. I’ll see you upstairs.” She said as she grabbed her presents and got out of the vehicle.
“You don’t have to take those.”
“I want them.”
“No, you don’t. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you.”
“I’ll live.” She said before slamming the door shut.
I exited the truck, and in a flash I was stood next to her.
“Let me carry them, at least. I’ll be in your room.”
“Thanks.” Bella smiled, warming my frozen heart.
“Happy Birthday.” I breathed, before giving her a quick kiss and disappearing up the wall to her room with her gifts.
I sat on Bella’s bed to wait.
It wasn’t long before Bella appeared, climbing into my lap stating she wanted to open her presents.
I unwrapped them for her, ignoring the sarcastic remark from her.
I was being cautious in every way possible from now on.
I was pleased with Bella’s reactions to the plane tickets to see her mother, and the CD I created for her, which she immediately put into her CD player.
Emotion overwhelmed her as the melody filled the room.
At first I thought she was in pain.
“No, it’s not my arm. It’s beautiful, Edward. You couldn’t have given me anything I would love more.”
“I didn’t think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here.”
“You’re right.” She replied.
I had to ensure that she was not in any kind of pain.
“How does your arm feel?”
“Just fine.” Bella retorted automatically.
I didn’t believe her for one moment.
“I’ll get you some Tylenol.”
“I don’t need anything.” Bella said stubbornly.
I disregarded her protests and carefully moved her off my lap.
“Charlie.” Bella warned.
“He won’t catch me.” I assured her, before swiftly and silently sprinting to the bathroom to obtain the medication, and then returning to Bella’s room.
She took the pills without hesitation, proving to me that her arm was indeed bothering her.
“It’s late.” I informed her, hoping she would rest.
“Thanks again.”
“You’re welcome.”
It was silent for awhile whilst we listened to the music I had composed for my mother, but I knew Bella wasn’t asleep.
I could not concentrate on the sounds; instead my mind was racing with countless thoughts.
I knew I couldn’t change the events of this evening, even though I would trade anything to do so.
I wished I could.
I needed to find a way to rectify my thoughtless mistakes.
My relationship with Bella was wrong.
The balance between my desire for her, and the need I had for her safety was unnervingly difficult to establish.
Maybe it was impossible to compromise between the two.
I couldn’t change that either.
How could I make things right?
“What are you thinking about?” Bella whispered curiously.
“I was thinking about right and wrong actually.” I responded tentatively.
I watched her eyes widen slightly.
“Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?” she said in a rushed voice, obviously attempting to distract me from my thoughts.
“Well, I was thinking, since it’s my birthday, that I’d like you to kiss me again.”
That would be a distraction.
A bad one.
“You’re greedy tonight.” I stated.
“Yes, I am – but please, don’t do anything you don’t want to.” Bella replied in a fractious voice.
I laughed nervously.
My mind was spinning furiously; I couldn’t form cohesive thoughts.
I wanted Bella.
I wanted to be with her.
But I didn’t want Bella to be with me.
I wanted her to be safe.
I gave in to my desire.
“Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don’t want to do.”
My physical attraction to Bella suddenly and dramatically intensified the moment our lips touched.
I tried to control it...but I couldn’t.
The desperation of passion and desire overpowered me, and crossed the strict relationship boundaries I had issued.
I let them.
I did not stop the kiss...nor did I want to stop.
I just allowed the immense pleasure to gratify me.
I could feel myself losing control swiftly as I weaved my fingers through Bella’s hair.
Our lips were ravenous for each others.
But I still did not stop.
Bella’s heart was racing furiously.
I heard the blood pumping through her veins and I immediately pushed her away.
The blood was a disturbing, yet significant distraction and reminder of the risk I was taking.
Breathless, Bella laid back on her bed.
My breath was ragged too.
I had gone too far.
“Sorry, that was out of line.” I breathed.
“I don’t mind.”
“Try to sleep, Bella.” I frowned at her lack of value for her own safety.
“No, I want you to kiss me again.”
“You’re overestimating my self control.”
“Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?”
I smiled gently. “It’s a tie. Now why don’t you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?”
“Fine.” Bella replied scornfully.
She moved herself closer to me, snuggling into my frozen form and closed her eyes.
Eventually she drifted to sleep, leaving me alone with the distressing memories of the evening.

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