dark moon

a twilight fanfiction.

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13. Chapter 11 The Call

The writing that is in italics in this chapter I have written myself and added to Stephanie Meyer’s "extra" on her website that she wrote about Rosalie telling Edward about Bella's death. It was too good to rewrite, so instead I took SM's version and put my own interpretation in and took some of the original writing...modifying it.

Once again I found myself in a futile place unable to formulate a plan of action for my life.
The pull of the small town of Forks was stronger than ever.
I had left Rio six weeks ago and found myself wandering in that direction. At some point I could not carry on. The pain and disappointment was too overwhelming and I found myself a new enclosure.
I was spending my days in an old worn down warehouse, out of the sunlight that shone constantly in the sky wherever I was. The humid air swirled round me slightly warming my ice-cold skin.
 
I felt movement in the pocket of my trousers. It was my phone; I had turned it on for the first time in months for emergencies - just in case my family needed to contact me. However I didn’t have any motivation to answer it when it rang often.
 
The phone vibrated again. It was the twenty-fifth in twenty four hours. I thought about opening the phone, at least to see who was trying to contact me.
Perhaps it was important, maybe it was Carlisle.
I still didn’t move.
 
I had been motionless for several days as I had drifted back into my forlorn agonizing darkness.
Meaningless.
All of it was meaningless.
My very existence was meaningless.
The whole world was meaningless.
Empty.
 
My forehead was pressed against my knees as I lay in a foetal position. I wondered how much longer I would be able to stand this.
How much more time would pass before I gave up completely?
Maybe it was hopeless.
Maybe, if my attempt was doomed to failure anyway, like my attempt at tracking was – Should I stop torturing myself and go back?
The idea was so powerful that it almost soothed my aching wounds.
 
I could leave now.
I could go back.
Bella’s face – always in my mind, smiled at me.
It was a welcoming smile of forgiveness that warmed my insides. But seeing her face etched into my mind continuously for the past months had only reminded me how truly special she was.
Consequently, of course I couldn’t go back
 
After all, what was my pain in comparison to her happiness?
Compared to her safety?
She should be able to smile and be happy.
She should be free from fear and danger.
Free from a soulless future.
When Bella left this world, she would go to a place that was forever barred to me, no matter how I conducted myself there. The idea of a final separation that I could not control was so much more intense than the pain I had already encountered. When Bella went to that place where she belonged and I never could – heaven. I would not linger on earth without her.
There must be oblivion.
There must be some kind of relief for me.
 
My body shook with fear at the thought of that time.
Even when I was ash, would I somehow still feel torture of her loss? Or would I find my own heaven?
I shuddered again.
 
I’d promised her that I wouldn’t haunt her life again.
I wasn’t going back on my word.
I would not break my promise.
Couldn’t I do anything right by her?
Anything at all?
Just once?
 
The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home snaked through my thoughts again.
Just to check.
Just to see that she is safe and happy.
Not to interfere.
She would never know I was there.
I would remain in the shadows.
Damn it, NO.
I cursed myself.
I had been so close before, and I had managed to stay away. I could do it again.
 
My phone vibrated again.
“Damn it” I growled.
I could use the distraction, I supposed.
Not that it would do the job.
I flipped open the phone and recognised the numbers straight away.
Rosalie.
Why would Rosalie be calling me?
She was probably the only member of my family enjoying my absence.
I remembered the last thoughts I heard from her about my Bella, I had no desire to talk to her.
On the other hand, there must be something wrong if she needed to talk to me. I was abruptly worried for my family and answered the phone.
 
“What?” I asked tensely.
“Oh, wow. Edward actually answered the phone to me. I feel so honoured.”
As soon as I heard my sister’s tone, I knew my family was fine. She must just be bored. It was difficult to interpret her motives without her thoughts as a guide. Rosalie had never made much sense to me. Her impulses usually foundered on the most convoluted kinds of logic – typically herself.
 
I snapped the phone shut, hanging up on her.
“Leave me alone.” I whispered to the emptiness around me, letting my eyes drift shut again.
The phone vibrated again at once.
Would she keep calling until she had passed along whatever message she was planning to annoy me with?
Probably.
It would take months for her to grow tired of her game.
I toyed with the idea of letting her hit redial for the next six months.
I sighed and answered the phone again.
 
“Get on with it! What do you want Rosalie?”
Rosalie rushed through her words. “I thought you would want to know that Alice is in Forks.”
My eyes flew open in shock.
What was my other sister doing in Forks? I furiously thought.
“What?” I asked in a flat, emotionless voice, hoping I had misheard.
“You know how Alice is – thinks she knows everything. Like you.” Rosalie chuckled humourlessly. Her voice had a nervous edge, like she was suddenly unsure about what she was doing. But my rage made it hard to care about what Rosalie’s problem was.
Alice had sworn to me that she would follow my leads in regards to Bella, although she did not agree with my decision.
She promised me she would let Bella alone for as long as I did.
She promised that she would not interfere and not look at her future.
Clearly she thought that I would eventually fold to the pain. Maybe she was right about that.
But I hadn’t completely given up yet. I hadn’t gone back.
So what was she doing in Forks?
I wanted to wring her skinny neck, not that Jasper would let me get that close to her once he caught a whiff of the fury blowing out of me.
 
“Are you still there, Edward?” Rosalie’s voice coming out of the speaker of my phone brought me out of my thoughts.
I didn’t answer.
I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips, wondering if it was possible for a vampire to get a migraine.
Although…if Alice had already gone back, maybe I could too?
NO.
I’d made my promise.
For the love of all things holy – I was going to keep it!
Bella deserved a life.
 
I shook my head metaphorically, trying to clear it of the seductive image of Bella’s dark window.
The doorway to my only sanctuary.
The entrance to my home.
 
There was no doubt that I would have to grovel, if I were to return – to beg Bella’s forgiveness.
I welcomed that because I knew I deserved it.
I would happily spend the next decade on my knees as long as I was with her.
 
“Edward? Don’t you even want to know why Alice is there?”
“Not particularly.” I answered, but honestly I was desperate to know.
Rosalie’s voice turned a trifle smug; pleased no doubt, that she had forced a response from me.
“Well, of course, she’s not exactly breaking the rules. I mean you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn’t matter.”
I blinked my eyes slowly.
Bella had left?
My thoughts circled around the unexpected idea.
She hadn’t graduated yet, so she must have returned to Renee - her mother.
That was good.
She should live in sunshine.
She loved the warmth and brightness of the sun.
It was good that she’d been able to put the shadows behind her, including me.
It instantly dawned on me – Bella had moved on.
She’d left me in her past like I had intended her to.
My empty chest throbbed painful – my heart was forever lost.
I tried to swallow, and I couldn’t.
 
“So you don’t have to be angry with Alice.” Rosalie trilled a laugh.
“Then why did you call me, Rosalie, if not to get Alice in trouble? Why are you bothering me?”
“Wait!” She cried, sensing rightly that I was going to hang up on her again. “That’s not why I called.”
“Then why? Tell me quickly, and then leave me alone!”
“Well…” She hesitated.
“Spit it out, Rosalie. You have ten seconds.”
“I think you should come home,” Rosalie said in a rush. “I’m tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you’ve done to them. Emmett misses you all the time and it’s getting on my nerves. Not to mention Alice, she has been a wreck. You have a family Edward. Grow up and think of someone else besides yourself.”
“Interesting advice Rosalie, maybe you should take your own guidance?”
“I am thinking about them, unlike you. Don’t you care how much you have hurt Esme, if no one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home.”
I didn’t answer.
I knew I was being very selfish; however I wanted to revel in my loneliness. I didn’t want my family members to witness my depressive state.
 
“I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished, you would get over it.”
“Forks was never the problem, Rosalie. “ I said, try to explain patiently. What she has said about Carlisle, Esme and the other members of my family had struck a chord, so I tried to make an effort.  “Just because Bella – “I paused. Saying her name out loud was difficult. I managed to choke it out before continuing. “…has moved to Florida, it doesn’t mean that I’m able…Look, Rosalie. I’m really sorry, but trust me; it wouldn’t make anyone happier if I were there.”
“Umm.”
There it was – the hesitation again.
“What is it that you’re not telling me, Rosalie? Is Esme alright? Is Carlisle –“
“They’re fine.” She interrupted me. “It’s just… well I didn’t say that Bella had moved.”
What?
Yes she did, didn’t she?
I ran over our conversation in my head.
She never actually said that Bella had relocated.
So Bella wasn’t in Forks?
What did she mean?
Where was Bella if she hadn’t moved?
 
“They didn’t want to tell you, but I think that’s stupid. The quicker you get over this; the sooner things can get back to normal. Why let you mope in the dark corners of the world when there is no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It’s over.” Rosalie rushed through her words again, but saying them in an almost angry tone.
My mind seemed to be broken.
It wasn’t functioning once again.
I couldn’t make sense of her words.
It was like there was something really obvious that she was telling me, but I had no idea what it was. My brain played with the information, trying to decipher it.
 
“Edward?”
“I don’t understand what you are saying, Rosalie.”
There was a long pause, the length of several human heartbeats.
“She’s dead, Edward.”
My world stopped.
Rosalie was speaking but I barely heard a word she was saying.
“I’m…sorry. You have a right to know, though I think. Bella…threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she’s always cared for him –“
The phone went dead.
It took me a few seconds to realise that I had shut the power off as it drop from my hand and clattered to the floor.
 
I sat in the dusty darkness.
It was like time had stopped.
Like the universe had stopped.
It couldn’t be true. It was Rosalie playing a cruel trick on me – hoping that it would make me rejoin my family.
But I had to check, just in case.
 
Slowly, I reached around searching for my phone. I switched it back on and dialled the number I’d promise myself I would never call again.
If it was my love – I would hang up.
If it was Charlie – I would get the information I needed through subterfuge.
I would prove Rosalie’s sick joke wrong, and then return to my nothingness.
 
The phone rang for several seconds while I had my breath waiting for it to answer.
“Swan Residence.” Answered a voice. It was a man’s husky voice, deep but youthful.  It sounded familiar but I could not place it; my mind was otherwise occupied.
I didn’t pause to think of the implications of that.
“This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen.” I said, imitating my father’s voice perfectly. “May I please speak to Charlie?”
“He’s not here.” The voice spoke with anger, which simply surprised me. But that wasn’t important.
“Well, where is he then? I demanded, getting impatient.
There was a short pause and if the stranger wanted to hold information from me.
“He’s at the funeral.” The boy finally answered.
The phone died again as I crushed in my hand.
I died.

 

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