"Head in the clouds, got no weight on my shoulders"
When I was little, I thought life was perfect. But now, everything is a lie. I face things every single day ever since my mom died. About 80 percent of them involve my dad. He wants me to be something that I'm not, and it's stupid. I can't change myself, but in order to appease to him, I made this compromise with him. This compromise was worse than what he wants me to actually be. I've got 99 problems. But you, Ashton, won't be one.


34. drink you away part two

It's quite fitting that one chapter would go from trying to get over my breakup to what is about to happen now.

After a night of drinking and having fun and the guys doing body shots, I learned that hangovers suck ass.

You could imagine how it felt the next day. Thank god for the invention of Advil.

For the last few weeks with going into April and now that we're in May, the senioritis is hitting everyone in my class, including me.

I've been studying for my finals that I know I'll pass but I still study for, and I've recently sent in my housing payment for the college I decided on going to.

Apparently during mine and Mar's fight, she got accepted on a cheerleading scholarship to Clemson University. Although it's not USC, it's still in the Carolinas.

Luke got accepted to Stanford and their honors program. Mike is going to University of California in Berkley along with Calum. They both signed up to be roommates.

Me? I'm chatting with my roommate and we're planning to meet at orientation. Her name is Aerin and when I first met her I told her I loved her name because it reminds me of Aelin from the Throne of Glass series. She's from Oregon so we're both going in as out of state students.

I was thankful for my mom that she set aside enough money for me in her will for me to go to college. That's what's actually said in her will when I met with her lawyer. I'm able to pay for tuition, room, and board for all four years and she left extra in case I stay for a few extra years.

Oh, you don't know where I'm going for college? I'll tell you when I graduate.


"So what are you doing today?" Aerin asked me.

I was currently looking through all of my dad's missing papers information actually.

"Sorting my dad's missing person stuff. It's been almost two months." I sigh. I was able to tell her about everything, from my mom's death to being forced to work for my dad to my fight with my friends to Ashton.

She actually thought we were dating when I told her "I was dating him." I forgave her. But she felt sympathetic for me when I told her the reason we broke up.

"What about you?" I ask her through my laptop screen.

"Finals studying. And by studying I mean skyping you and snapchatting friends and everything else but study." I laughed and pick up the book I was reading, "Heir of Fire" by Sarah J. Maas.

"Check my story I updated it!" Aerin said and I check it.

It was a picture of me not looking and it says "Can't wait to room with her for college!!" I smiled widely.

But that smile faded away as a notification dropped down from my messages.

From: Ashton Irwin "can you answer the door?"

"Con, you okay?" I hear Aerin and look at my laptop.

"Ashton texted me." I sigh. I have been able to get over him these past few weeks and pick the broken pieces up and tape them together.

"Ignore him." She said.

Another message popped up.

"Connor I have the read receipt on and I know you read this please open the door."

"I got to go. I'll talk to you later." I say and we say goodbye. I close my laptop and walk downstairs just to unlock the door. I then walk back upstairs and onto my roof.

From: Ashton Irwin "I heard something from the door? Did you unlock it?"

To: Ashton Irwin "come to my roof. Go upstairs and there's an open door. Go up the stairs in there."

I sent that message and take a deep breath. I sit down and look out into my development. Like I said, I always loved this place.

"Connor?" I hear a voice say after a few minutes of silence. I turn around and maintain a straight face.

Placer High School's player, my ex-boyfriend, Ashton Irwin is on my roof. My secret hiding spot.

I just look at him not saying anything while I stand up.

"Con, I heard about your dad—"

"Don't Con me. I thought you hated me because I lied to you about my real life?" Now that's when he is silent. "Well? So you heard about my dad. What about him?"

"That he's missing."

I take a deep breath. "Well on days I'm glad he left. You want to know why I work at a club? It's because of him! You saw him as a nice loving father who's out of town a lot but he isn't! He's a selfish, lying, melancholy bastard that loves money and forced me to work for him when I was only 16! And he just—"

"CONNOR MARLEE TOLD ME ALREADY!" He yelled louder than me, but what he said silenced me. He knew the real reason of why I work at a club. He knows my problems. "That's why I came here. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I'm sorry for calling you a whore, I'm sorry I hurt you because I hurt myself also! I'd see you in the halls with a sad look on your face and I can't help but feel anger and guilt. It was more anger, but after Marlee told me the truth I felt more guilt!"

"Well I felt more guilt when you found out but after much thinking I realized that you probably would've broken up with me even if I told you and Derek didn't find out!"

A split second of silence made things a bit tense between us until my phone rang. I took it out of my pocket and answered it. I didn't care who it was, it could be aunt Andrea for all I care. "Hello?"

Suddenly, I realized my phone was taken away from my ear and Ashton's lips connected with mine.

Someone was definitely saying hello on the other line a few times but Ashton hung up the call and put my phone in my pocket. One of his hands cupped my cheeks and his other went around my waist pulling me closer to him. I was uncertain for a bit as I wrapped but arms around his neck kissing him back.

He kissed me harder and harder and I match his pace until he pulled away slightly. "I want you, Connor Watson. I'm sorry for what I said, I wish I didn't say any of that. I...I...I love you." He whispered.

My eyes widens at what he said. He said he loves me. He said that. No one other than my mom and other family. I take a deep breath and look into his eyes. "Ashton...I never thought I'd say this...but I've never stopped loving you." He pulls me into a tight hug. Something came into my mind...something that I'd never thought I'd think. "Ashton...I think I'm ready." I tell him.

"Ready for what?" He asks.

"I want to lose it. To you. I don't care what others may think, I want you to be my first." His eyes go from sorrow to want. He was probably thinking the same thing.

"Really?" I nod.

"Can we go to my room?"

So we did.

I may or may not attempt smut next chapter...oops :)

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