Wonderstruck

Do you ever just see a beautiful stranger? Not just a stranger that looks nice, but a really beautiful stranger who just captures you with the way they look and the way they act and makes you think about them at 2 am. A beautiful stranger that leaves you wonder struck and makes you somehow want to see them again and be with them forever yet at the same time, make you want to stay away from them so they remain this mysterious beautiful person that's in the world that would never hurt you.
I should have gone with the latter.

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Ethan's point of view

We get home and I see the envelopes on the floor but choose to ignore them for a little while but after another awkwardly uncomfortable yet kind of nice shared bath, I know I have to look at them. I sit down next to Rosy while I look at them and she makes me feel that little bit safer. 

"What are those?" she asks, curiously. 

"They're bills." I tell her, opening them. 

"Oh." her face falls. "I didn't even think about them."

I smile gently at her. "You don't have to."

I try to hide my worry, but it's something I've been stressed about for a while now. I'm a student living off student loans and allowance from my parents right now. I've been so caught up with Rosy that I didn't even consider a job. I'm meant to be starting university next week. Everything's catching up on me. I have to get a job. Student loans and allowance might be enough to just pay the bills for only me using the flat and if there was only me eating and drinking and things, but Rosy's here too. I can't use the money I'm not earning to live off, not unless I want us both to be homeless.

"Hey." she frowns, circling her thumb on my cheek. I snap out of my daze and look at her. "What can I do?" 

"Nothing." I force a smile and kiss her gently. She's fifteen years old. I don't want her to have to worry about earning money to pay the bills and I don't want her to go home if she's not ready or even if she is ready. I'm the one who has to take responsibility and earn the extra money to take care of us. "Don't worry about it Rosy, we're fine. It's not like I'm broke. I'm getting student loans, my mum and dad give me a bit of money every month and I'm going to get a job."

"E, I'm not stupid. Student loans are fair enough but you're gonna have to pay those back one day."

I shrug. "I'll stop them now then, while I still have enough money to pay back what I owe."

"We're not going to get by on allowance and one job." she says. 

"Then what do you want me to do?" I ask, frustrated. "It's easy enough for you to say but I'm the one who is actually paying for this. You can't tell me not to have student loans but then tell me that a job and allowance isn't enough."

"I'm thinking logically!" she hisses, sitting back from me. "I'm trying to think about the future, we're going to be more broke if we're in debt! It's going to be tight but we'll get by if you have the allowance and if we both have jobs."

"Oh bloody hell, Rosy, I don't want you to have to worry about this!" I shout, annoyed that she seems so naive about this whole situation. "Yes, I'm worried about the money and yes it's going to be difficult, but I'm going to figure it out, okay, because I have to figure it out!"

She looks at me for a moment and then stands up. I think she was planning to storm out somewhere, but it wouldn't be very dramatic if she stormed angrily into the bathroom. Instead, she just walks into the kitchen and starts pacing around which for some reason, irritates me like hell. 

"What?" I demand, getting up and following her.

"You!" she yells, all of a sudden. "Do you really just see me as your fifteen year old girlfriend that you have to protect? I'm not stupid, Ethan, if I have to get a job, I will! I'm not so weak and pathetic that you have to do everything for me!"

"Can't you see that I'm doing it to make you happy?!" we're both really shouting now. We're both really angry now. "I'm trying to take care of you!"

"Well don't!" she shouts. "You make me feel like I'm absolutely nothing! You're making me feel like I'm just some pathetic girl that needs her boyfriend to take care of her. All you ever think about is what seems like it's the right thing, but if you really thought about it, you'd understand that I'm not the girl you think I am! I don't want you to take care of me, I want to help you!"

"Well go home then!" I scream. "If you want to help, then just go home! I won't have to take care of you, I won't have to pay for you, I won't have to put up with you! Just go!"

Her mouth drops open. I know I'll feel sorry eventually, but I don't yet. I know I don't really mean what I said, but right now I do. I'm angry with her and she's angry with me. I just want her to leave. I don't feel bad. 

She doesn't say another word. She just walks out, slamming the door behind her. 

 

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