Consternation

Con·ster·na·tion

noun

noun: consternation

feelings of anxiety or dismay, typically at something unexpected.

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1. Chapter 1 - Brianna

 

First days of school were always stressful for most kids, most kids including me, but it wasn’t even the first day of school that was stressful for me. As long as I could remember I’ve been switching schools because of my parents jobs, and I’ve usually always been the new girl who comes in in the middle of the school year; it usually caused me to be the clumsy, laughing stalk of the school.

 

 

So here I am again, pulling out my hair while I try to keep my cool as I walk down the halls of my new high school. No matter how many first days I have, I still can never get use to all the weird looks I get, or the whispers that are spread amongst the cliché clicks. My lockers are always simple because I’m really not going to waste my time decorating it when it will only get trashed and forgotten in a few months. As I spin the dial to open my locker, my registration, schedule, and book bag in hand, I’m pushed gently into my locker making me look up and roll my eyes at for sure another cliché football jock.

 

“You could at least watch where you were going.” I mutter as I swing my locker open and place the papers in the top shelf before placing my book bag in as well. Annoying giggling comes from beside me making me look over only to come in contact with the total sluts hitting on every guy and plotting how they should get in their pants as the different guys walk by.

 

Before I shut my locker I grab my English and History textbook as well as a notebook and pen before I glance down at my schedule and read the number as I make my way towards the classroom. I’m happy that I didn’t come here in the middle of the day because then I’d be that loner just walking around not knowing where the classroom she’s suppose to be in is, but technically I’m that girl either way.

 

I double check that I’m at the right classroom before I open the door and make my way through the almost empty classroom up to the teachers desk. Once again, I look down at my schedule for the name, smiling a little at the name.

 

“Ms. Davis,” I say quietly as I stand in front of her desk shyly.  

 

She looks up at me and smiles. “Well, you must be the new one that all the faculty has been talking about.” Why does everyone talk about me? Like seriously, a new student isn’t that much of a story.

 

“I was just wondering where I should sit, any open desks?” I’m usually always shy around teachers, I never had the chance to get to know them well which sucked for my self esteem, but I have to get use to it because I’ll never be comfortable around one.


 

The rustling of paper took me out of my thoughts. “Do you like sitting anywhere in particular? This is an excel English literature class so not many students qualify for it, so we have more open seats than most classes.” She explained whilst she looked at me.

 

“Back would be nice.” My voice was quiet, it usually never came above a whisper at school, sometimes even at home. I didn’t like talking or being loud, it strained my vocal cords. Ms. Davis showed me to my desk and told me to start to copy down what was written on the board which I was quite happy to do.

 

Every school in every state was different, but no matter what state or school I go to I am always ahead of everyone. Self teaching myself was always easier for me than having a teacher stand in front of the class and tell us everything we need to know for an upcoming test, exam, or even just life. It was just easier for me to learn all that on my own, I really didn’t need a teacher, but my parents insisted that I go to school so it would look good on my college applications. I’m not going to fight them on that because it most certainly would.

 

My gaze finds its way looking out of a window, watching all the birds flying around a chirping, the spring flowers blooming with beautiful colours. Outside was my comfort zone, one glance outside and I’d be happy again because I wouldn’t feel alone anymore. Most birds fly together, but there are always those unique birds that find their way alone, which is kind of like me.

 

I find my ways alone, I’m not one to find friends because I eventually have to leave them and it hurts me more than it would others. I block myself of the world around me because it just seems easier to be alone than with people.

 

The bell ringing makes me jump a little as I realise I had dozed off a little as I looked out the window. My head gently rests on my desk as I watch everyone walk in and find their seats, not even acknowledging the fact that I’m here which isn’t a bad thing. If they acknowledged me then they wouldn’t be getting much out of me.

 

Silence. It ends up going completely silent after about two minutes of people getting situated. Everyone around me has their pens moving, copying down what's on the board in silence. However, the silence isn’t even remotely a problem to me. I like the silence because then I can hear all the birds chirping outside which makes me smile softly. Such a beautiful sound it is.

 

I watch as Ms. Davis makes her way around her desk only to sit on it before scanning over the small class. “As most of you know, we have our writing assessment coming up very soon.” She began to talk as she shuffled around with some papers on her desk before she held up the right one. “We’re going to be going over all writing styles that we’ve learned this year and even some that you’ve learned from previous years.” She said all with a happy smile on her face. How can she smile so much?

 

Considering the fact that I’m most likely just going to go home and teach myself all of what she says, I take out my sketch book and open to the sketch that I’m working on. It was of a lovely spring morning with the birds singing, the flowers springing, and the sun glimmering, all whilst the green grass shimmered in the sun.

 

It all came with a base before I added colour. The base was always the most time consuming part because if you mess up on one little detail than you, well more like I, have to go back and fix it. However, I didn’t have any problem with that. Overall the colouring part was my favourite because it made me be able to bring the drawing to life.  

 

For the next hour I drowned out all verbalization around me and just listen to the birds singing outside whilst I sketch out the spring scene. Once the bell rang I slowly packed up everything before I made my way out of the classroom, making my way towards the History classroom which I most certainly missed the classroom like five times. However, that class went exactly the same as English. I spent my time drawing.

 

The day began to just drag on as each class went by, it wasn’t until the last bell finally rang that I got somewhat excited to leave. So I slowly made my way to my locker since I didn’t have anywhere to be after school and I’d be walking home just how I liked it. I stuff my book bag with my English textbook, notebook, and my sketchbook and pen before I shut my locker and threw the strap of my book bag on my shoulder as I slowly making my way through the vacant halls.


 

“@_Brianna_: Another day at a new school over with.”


 

__________


 

Written by: @Always_Be_Together

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