Not so number one

Hi my name is Hannah and I get bullied, a lot. I'm still trying to understand why. I mean, I think I treat people right, and never bullied anyone else. Yet Harry and his friends seem to think it's cute or funny or what ever to bully me. I want them to stop hurting me. I want them to stop calling me names. I want them to stop embarrassing me. But mostly... I want them to stop avoiding an answer.

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10. Chapter nine

Hannah's POV

After I finished fighting with Harry I ran into the bathroom. I went into the last stall, and locked the door. I was still upset form everything I said to him, and every word of it was true. He did it, he finally broke me. After everyday of me telling myself I would never let him do it, he did. I wish I could be a more positive person. I wish I could be like 'Oh there is still hope form me, someone will want me and everything will be fine.' But if I said that, I would be lying to myself. No one will want me and everything is not going to fine.

I realized I had been sitting there for about thirty minutes. I stood up and walled to the mirrors. I looked at my self and saw a messed up girl with a messed up life. My mascara and eye liner was smeared and my cheeks were red and puffy. My eyes were swollen and red. To sum it all up, I looked a mess.

I started to wash my face, I ended taking all of the makeup off. I stood there and looked into the mirror. I saw me, well sort of. I saw my face and hair and body, but I was long gone. Hannah Perish was no longer here. Yes I did see myself, but I wasn't the same. My face was still there, but it looked more sad than it used to. It looked lifeless and all of the happiness in me was sucked out. Yes I saw my hair, but it looked died. It looked dry and lifeless. Yes, I saw my body. It looked unhappy, and miserable.  It looked like the spirit than was once so happy and full of energy was shattered and gone for good. And it was. Ya, ok, it was still there, but it was changed. It had become sad and full of sorrow. The sole that was once me, that was once in this body, it was forever changed and would probably never go back to normal.

I walked out of the bathroom and was going to go to class until I remembered Harry was in that class. I walked out to the back of the school so no one would find me. I sat down and put my knees up to my chest and my head on my knees. I started to cry again. I was really changed and probably would never change back. I sat there and sniffled, then lifted my chin up onto my knees. I looked out past the school, there was a woods back there. It was the middle of fall so the leaves were falling off the trees. The woods was a beautiful range of warm colors. Red, orange and yellow seemed to paint the tips of the trees.

I sat there for a while, admiring the trees, until I heard the door to the school open. I thought it was a teacher, but it was only Harry. 'Only Harry, since when has he been only Harry.'

I looked back at him and he looked at me. We didn't say a word to each other, we just looked into each others eyes. I turned back around to look at the woods. I expected him to beat me up, but he just stood there and looked at me. I didn't want to pay much attention to him but he wouldn't look away from me. It was getting annoying.

I finally said something. "What are you starring at?" He looked away and his cheeks turned a bit of a pinkish color. 'Why would he blush when I talk to him.'

"Um...... sorry.......I...um....well I was............sorry." He said. He seemed very nervous, why the hell would he be nervous to talk to me? He had no problem calling me ugly or telling me to go kill myself.

"Why were you starring at me and why are you so nervous?" I questioned.

"Um sorry....I wasn't expecting you to be out here. I thought you were still-"

"Crying in the bathroom. Ya I was, for like thirty minutes." I finished for him.

"So why don't you go back to class, you know, since you are finished crying."

"Because I don't feel like it."

"Look, I prefer to be out here alone. So just leave before I make you."

"I'm not leaving, and I don't care anymore. Beat me, threaten me, call me names. I don't care anymore." I said. He looked a bit taken back by this. I guess he expected me to leave and didn't expect me to say that. He just stood there and stared at me again. He looked a bit confused and he kept trying to say something. But every time he opened his, mouth he would close it with out having said anything.

He finally found something to say. "What do you mean you don't care anymore."

"Why should I care about anything, I mean. Your just going to beat me anyway. It doesn't matter what I say or do, your going to do something to me. So why should I bother, obviously I have nothing to live for. I have no friends, no boyfriend, no family, not even a foster family. I'm an unlovable person and probably need to die soon. So you better hurry up and kill me before I beat you to it." His eyes seemed to pop out of his head. Why would he care if I killed my self? He tells me to do so quite a bit, wouldn't he be happy I'm listening to him?

"So you don't care, at all, I could come up and hit you and you would be fine with it?" He asked.

"You could come up and kill me and I would be fine with it." I said. After I said that his eyes popped even more out of his head.

"Um......well....I need to go.....now. So I'll see you around, ok?" He said he sounded very worried. He knew I was going to kill myself, so I guess he won't see me around. I wasn't going to argue with him.

"Ya, ok." I said and with that he flew into the school. 'I wonder why he was so worried.'

 

Harry's POV

Once I had finished talking to Louis I walked to my first class. The bell rang as soon as I walked in the door.

"Tarty." The teacher said. I really didn't give a shit about it.

I sat down and started to think. I was thinking about what Hannah said earlier. Was it true? Did I really break her? Did I really make her so unhappy to the point where she went home crying everyday from school? Am I the reason she doesn't have a home? The reason she is so depressed all the time? I knew things at home weren't great for her, I thought I was just piling  on to the stress. I guess the things at home were piling on to this. I felt terrible for the way I treated her. I felt like a complete ass. 'Cause you are a complete ass.' I thought.

I must have been thinking about Hannah pretty hard because the teacher was yelling at me to pay attention.

"Mr. Styles, Pay Attention! I am trying to teach and you are day dreaming." She said.

"Sorry, but I have more important things to think about right now."I said.

"Mr. Styles, you need to pay attention, there will be a quiz on this tomorrow." She said.

"I don't care. I'll fail it, I have more important things to think about!" My voice was almost in a shout.

"Mr. Styles, don't take that tone with me! You need to show me some respect when I'm teaching for your benefit. And I will not-" I cut her off. "I need to think, I'm leaving."

"Harry Styles, Don't you dare walk out of that door! If you do you will be punished. If you do-" I cut her off again by slamming the door.

I walked to the back of the school to think. I walked outside and saw Hannah sitting on the ground. She looked miserable. She looked sad and broken and everything in between. She looked like all of the life had been sucked out of her. I felt even worse,I was the case to all of this. I'm the reason she feels neglected and unwanted and useless.

I must have been starring because she said something to me about it. "What are you starring at?" I looked down and blushed a bit.

"Um...... sorry.......I...um....well I was............sorry." I said. I was really embarrassed and a little nervous.

"Why were you starring at me and why are you so nervous?" She questioned.

"Um sorry....I wasn't expecting you to be out here. I thought you were still-" She cut me off by saying... "Crying in the bathroom. Ya I was, for like thirty minutes."

"So why don't you go back to class, you know, since you are finished crying."

"Because I don't feel like it." She replied in a lifeless voice.

"Look, I prefer to be out here alone. So just leave before I make you."

"I'm not leaving, and I don't care anymore. Beat me, threaten me, call me names. I don't care anymore." I was a bit taken back by this and slightly confused. She didn't care anymore? She doesn't care if she is hurt or not anymore? I broke her... I really broke her. I tried to say something, but never did. I kept opening my mouth and closing it without saying anything. I finally found what to say.

"What do you mean you don't care anymore."

"Why should I care about anything, I mean . Your just going to beat me anyway. It doesn't matter what I say or do, your going to do something to me. So why should I bother, obviously I have nothing to live for. I have no friends, no boyfriend, no family, not even a foster family. I'm an unlovable person and probably need to die soon. So you better hurry up and kill me before I beat you to it." My eyes got big and I looked at her. She was going to kill herself. I have taken this too far. Way to far. I know I told her to kill herself, but I never thought she would consider doing it.

"So you don't care, at all, I could come up and hit you and you would be fine with it?" I asked.

"You could come up and kill me and I would be fine with it." She responded. After she said that my eyes got even bigger. I had to do something about this. This was my fault and I had to fix this.

"Um......well....I need to go.....now. So I'll see you around, ok?" 

"Ya, ok." She said and right after she said that I ran into the school. I had to find Louis, I had to tell him that this was enough and that we needed to stop the bullying.

 

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