Unhinged

She has never gone to bed with nothing on her mind. Her head is never vacant. Voices have made Naomi Harris' mind their home. Struggling with normal teenage problems and a mental illness is a whole lot of weight for a girl to carry on her shoulders.
(One chapter for a contest.)

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1. Clinically Insane

Everybody is looking at you right now. They're all laughing at you. Keep you're head down, stay away from them. All people will ever do is hurt you. Don't trust anybody, don't even look at them. You're pointless, worthless, why are you even alive

     Walking through the corridors, listening to the numerous voices speaking all at once, one over the other, Naomi walked to class. The voices were getting louder and as she sat down at her desk, she knew she was going to have another episode. Trying to calm her mind, she drew in slow breaths. She focused on the voice of her teacher in effort to zone out the imagined voices that were now fading out. 

    Naomi knew that it was only a matter of time until the voices would return. They were similar to earthquakes in the way that the first shock would have her shaking and slightly damaged. Her mood would slightly deteriorate, but it would not cause too much harm. However, the aftershock would leave her in a dark, emotionless state of mind. She would have no regard for the world and shut herself away from it and the people around her. 

     She smiled slightly, proud of making it through a full day of school without having a serious episode. She was able to focus on her class work all six hours of her school day. She felt as though she had achieved greatly. 

     The happy, proud feeling was short-lived. The voices returned again, louder this time. She sat on the bus in her usual seat, two rows down from Jaime Amhurst, a boy whom Naomi had set her pale blue eyes and beating heart on. Watching him sit, Naomi fell victim to the insulting voices in her head.

You know you are never going to be with him. He could have any girl he wanted, there's not a chance in hell that he'd ever want you. Give it up. You're not worth his time. If Marcus didn't want you, Jaime won't either. You don't deserve to be loved. You are pathetic.

     "Not now, please." Naomi uttered under her breath. Her pleas were just a waste of air, the voices showed her no mercy now. The colors around her began to blend together, and the real world was suspended. No longer was she surrounded by her peers, Naomi was now laying in the soft grass of an open field. Beside her was Marcus. The world around her seemed so vivid and bright. The voices were soft whispers and said only positive things. She felt safe, as if nothing could ruin this fine moment. But her happiness was yet again temporary. Naomi's mood turned dark. No longer did her world seem bright and sound, there was no beauty to it now. She looked from the darkened sky to her side, Marcus was no longer there. She felt the rush in her chest as her heart started to beat faster now. She cried out his name as she stood to her feet. Naomi ran around wildly as she looked for Marcus. The longer she was without him, the more drained she began to feel. Eventually she fell to her knees. The voices were screaming at her now. They echoed inside of her head. It was chaotic. 

You are an idiot for trusting him. You should have known this would happen. Coward. He hates you. Everyone hates you. You hate you. You could just end it now. Do it! All you have to do is walk out onto the highway, use the emergency exit, play in some traffic. It's not like anyone will miss you.  NOBODY WANTS YOU, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU! JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU UNLOVABLE BROAD.

    "Get out! Get out! Leave me alone!" Naomi cried out. Her bellowing brought her back to reality. She found herself hitting her head repeatedly against the seat in front of her and screaming wildly. Everybody was staring at her in a silent shock. Naomi searched the crowd of eyes despairingly.

They're judging you.

     The bus of children broke out into waves of laughter. Their snorts and tittering seemed to add weight to her shoulders, Naomi sulked down into her seat and covered her face. 

Nice going, freak. This is going to be all over school tomorrow. 

    The bus pulled up to Naomi's stop. She kept her head down as she walked off. Kids threw things at her. As soon as she stepped off of the bus, Naomi sprinted home. The voices were still loud. Naomi knew that running would not distance herself from the voices, but she felt safe that way. She would do anything to fight a second episode. She continued to run until she figured she had gotten lost. She couldn't remember where she lived, which house was hers, or even where she was at the moment. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she called her mother for a ride.

*********

You should be ashamed of yourself for putting your mother through all of this. You are a horrible daughter. She hates you.

     Naomi sat in the front seat with her head facing the window. She had not spoken a word to her mother, Jane, since she had gotten into the car. 

     Jane looked towards her silent daughter and knew exactly what had happened, it had become a habit of Naomi now. 

    "You must have skipped your medicine this morning." She cleared her throat. She felt as though a mother and daughter should never have to feel awkward tension in silence, she hated to have to break the ice with her daughter. Naomi didn't reply or even acknowledge what Jane had said. Jane sighed. "I'm taking you to Doctor Morgan." She turned onto the highway. Naomi still sat frozen still. 

That's it, keep your mouth shut. Every word that comes out of your mouth annoys her anyways.

    Naomi grew tense and gritted her teeth. She took a deep breath and relaxed instantly. Jane pulled up to the office moments later. She followed her daughter inside and up to the second floor. Doctor Morgan took her right in. 

     "So what happened today Naomi? Tell me all about it." He crossed his legs as he sat down on his arm chair. Naomi remained silent. Morgan bit his top lip warily. "Use your words Ms. Harris." 

     "Sometimes I cant decipher which voice is mine, and which are not." Naomi uttered blankly.

     "What do you mean by that?" Morgan tilted his head a small degree to the side as he became interested.

     Naomi changed the subject. "Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be so screwed up when there are billions of other girls in the world? It's not fair to me. I don't deserve this."

You don't deserve anything.

    Naomi began to cry. "I want them to stop. Make them go away, please."

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