50 SHADES OF BIZZLE♛

Karmin Chapman is a high school student who is in love with her bestfriend Cait boyfriend Justin Bieber who she's madly in love with they end up together and things get rougher than it already is.

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35. This Is Life

After Justin and I had sex he went into the bathroom to take a shower. I reached onto the dresser grabbing my phone looking through my previous photos of Drew trying to hold back my tears. I sniffled wiping my eyes hiding my face in my hands. Justin came out the bathroom.
"What's wrong" he asked crawling in the bed beside me. "Nothing just, thinking" "About Drew" he asked "A little. It's just feels like he's still here" "I know, him being here made us feel like a real couple when we were boyfriend and girlfriend it happens to a lot of babies something goes wrong and they stop breathing there's nothing we can do but move on. It really does feel like he's still here, all we have to do is be strong for him" he said and I nodded cleaning my face. "It hurts" I replied. "Yeah, I know. You've also been through a lot and I understand what you're going through" "I'm getting hate from your fans. That bothers me more, they see me as the slutty girl you married and had a baby at 16. I really can't do anything normal in my life without everyone laughing and judging me for my past. It's just hard" "Yeah. They don't get you like I do so I suggest not to worry about it. The only thing that matters is us and our daughter" he said holding my hand. "You're right it's just we've both been through a lot this past year and I just can't forget about the past. I wanted to better myself, I had no one and it's just you're the first person i've been in love with and I taught myself how to love someone after my parents died. I had sex with you because it felt like we were close. I took you away from Cait just to feel some connection between us and i'm sorry" "Don't be, we wasn't gonna work out anyways, she cheated on me I cheated on her I think she knew we were gonna end up having sex sometime" "She told me she knew about it.  I think if my parents was still alive they would've loved you wanna know why" I asked "Why" "Because I love you" I said he smiled and pulled me into a hug kissing my head. "I love you to, do you think it was to early to get married" he asked "Maybe it was" I replied back laying on the pillow turning my side of the lamp off falling asleep. 

 

I did have doubts about Justin and I getting married. I mean I didn't graduate high school because I was pregnant and wanted to run around with Justin and have sex with him 24/7. Loosing our son was like loosing apart of me, it was hard but we both have to deal with it. It happens a lot maybe it was a wake up call telling me i'm not suppose to be getting pregnant at a young age. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I love Justin but it seems that being with him during high school led me to the wrong path. I got up at the middle of the night checking on Jordan sleeping. I walked back into the bedroom slipping my robe off climbing back into bed laying on his chest hearing his heart beat trying to fall back asleep. 

    The next day I woke up Justin wasn't there, I sat up in bed rubbing my eyes checking the clock 7:35AM. I got out of bed taking a warm shower brushing my teeth, throwing some clothes on doing my hair going downstairs into the kitchen. 
"Morning" Justin said pouring me some coffee. "Morning" I replied taking a sip. "Did you sleep okay seems like you didn't" "I've been thinking last night about everything, it's just I can't stop thinking about it" "I know. It's about me, without us having sex a lot and me getting you pregnant you could've had a better life" "It's not like that. Not in a bad way, it's just y'know if my parents were still here and we were dating I could've actually knew what to do with myself. I'm working at a job I really don't enjoy but I have to live with it" "What else did you think about" "I thought about Drew. He was our first, he was unplanned but loosing him hurt me" "It hurt me too Karmin. I didn't want to get my career back but I did it for him. I can't be miserable my whole life we can't be miserable, it was a good thing to move on there was nothing we can do. Like you said your parents are in heaven taking care of him he's gonna be okay. It's okay to think about him and mourn, but we can't do that forever it happens to tons of people, and loosing Drew wasn't a sign to tell us that we weren't ready to be parents or it wasn't meant to be" "I know you're right i've been a little paranoid i'm sorry" "Don't be. You're still not over him neither am I. I get that when we had sex, I ruined everything for you, for you to go to college finish school I get it it's my fault and I apologize" "It's okay. Where's Jordan" I asked changing the subject. "She's over my moms, she decided to watch her so that we could have a day to ourselves, you're not working today" "It's my day off thank god. And we haven't exactly had a day to ourselves since Jordan showed" "I know. Which is why I made breakfast, I may think i'm not a good husband or father but-" "You are. You're really improving and that's what makes me love you more. I've always wondered why you chose me when there are plenty of girls out in Hollywood that's so obsessed over you" "Maybe you're lucky, maybe you're just not the same as them. Things are crazy when becoming a celebrity" "I can tell. Things aren't normal for you you'll never be a normal person" "Yeah. I wish that a million times" he said fixing me a plate passing it to me. I ate breakfast. Chaz and Ryan showed, its been months since we've seen them. We were both happy to see them. When Ryan and Chaz left, Justin and I made out on the couch we tried not going to far or getting too hot. "We can't have sex" I said pulling away. "Why not" "Maybe because we have to much sex and we enjoy doing it so much we're addicted" "We're not addicted, we only had sex once since Jordan arrived think about it how many times have we've done it before Jordan was here" "A lot plus when we had Drew" I said with a chuckle. "True but it's healthy" "It's not always healthy y'know"  "Alright fine it's not always healthy, but long as we're careful" "We? Have you forgotten the one that cheated"  "I try to forget that because it doesn't matter" "It matters to me. I can't forget it" I said "Well try I honestly don't care about that" "Why did you do it" "Because i'm an idiot" he said "Well I agree with that, it would've been different if I cheated" "I would've gotten pissed and never forgiven you" "I forgave you because we had a baby together, and it wasn't best for him. I hated myself so I started living with Cait" "I thank you for forgiving me. If Drew passed and I wasn't with you I wouldn't know what to do with myself" "That makes two of us" I said. I began back kissing him grabbing his hand leading him upstairs to the bedroom. I sat on the bed unbuckling Justin's belt. "Are you sure about this" "I'm more than sure" I replied sliding his pants down.

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