Love disapears quicker than you can blink

Love is written in different ways. Its seen differently and its felt differently. Love can only last if you want it to. Love always hurts, love is never always good to have.

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3. Benjamin Ellis

   I have been talking to Ben for a while and he was just.. perfect. He made me feel amazing in every way and I always thought to myself, josh never made me feel that way. Never. Once Ben found out I was dating Josh me and him lost a little connection, it was different. I didn't talk to Ben again till about almost 2 weeks after me and Josh broke up, I wasn't ready to talk to anyone for a while. Especially not a guy. It was to painful. Once me and Ben started talking again we gained that connection back. Always texting, always on the phone. I didn't want what happened to me and josh to happen to me and Ben, so I slowed it down, Stopped texting him so much, stopped talking on the phone every night. I wanted to make this last and actually have something come out of it. Ben saw me the way no one else did. He saw the pain in my eyes and told me everything would get better over time and that he was going to be there for me threw it all. I didn't want to believe him but he has been here longer than josh ever was.

   There was one thing about Ben that could get in the way of us.. He has a kid, her name is Morgan Reese Ellis. She is 3 months old. He has had problems with his ex and he has constantly told me that she is a cunt and he hates her but they were so in love I just don't know what to believe. I was hurt so bad with josh I don't want to be hurt like that with Ben. I just don't, like my heart cant take that. I think ill die if I go threw another heart break. But Ben means a lot to me, I cant leave him or let him go. I have to control myself I cant let my feelings get the best of me

    Ben wants to join the air force. I was on the phone with him the other night because I have family problems going so he sat on the phone with me for about 3 hours while I cried and then goes "Can I ask you a question?" and I replied "Sure.." you could hear the nervousness in my voice. "Okay, so you know how I made a post on Facebook about the air force..?" I was really confused and didn't know what was going on, so I replied "Yea, why? What about it?" hoping he wasn't gonna say I wont see you for a while.. He was really nervous to ask what he was going to and I was getting agitated, "Ben..? What is it?" he replied very quietly.. "If we end up together will you go with me and live with me on the air force base..?" My heart dropped, happy tears came out of my eyes, "Of course Ben! I would love to go with you." I could tell he was smiling by the way he replied "Im so glad, I was nervous to ask and your the only one who makes me smile, your the only one I want to talk to everyday.. There isn't one day I don't want to talk to you.." Did a boy just say that to me? I was about to cry.

     I thanked Ben for sitting on the phone with me while I cried for hours, he always tried to make me laugh but at times he let me cry to get it all out. I didn't know how to deal with the pain I was going threw, I couldn't deal with that kind of lose.. my own mom, I couldn't let her leave me at 16 and my brother at 10..I couldn't..

 

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