Love disapears quicker than you can blink

Love is written in different ways. Its seen differently and its felt differently. Love can only last if you want it to. Love always hurts, love is never always good to have.

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2. Anything is possible

   Josh, all I could think about was josh. He was constantly on mind. I always thought about him after that night, I was on vacation so I was with him everyday.. After that night I felt closer to him than I ever did and we were more physically involved. Josh was my first, and I wanted more than anything for him to be my last. Was this right? Was I making the right decision by being with Josh? I was nervous, and I just couldn't leave him.. he was my first. I thought I loved him. But I was 16 I didn't know what love was, how it felt, what it looked liked. I only believed in what I knew.. or at least thought I knew. Josh made me feel amazing, for the first month of our relationship. Then we fell apart, slowly. We stopped talking every night, I stopped texting him completely, he was always working so never "had time" for me. I still saw him on weekends but we didn't do what we did the whole month before. We didn't cuddle, we didn't kiss, we didn't watch movies, we didn't play fight. I was slowly losing him and I knew it.

   I couldn't handle the pain anymore, the constant "Does he still love me?" "Does he still want to be with me?" I asked myself these questions every day, until one day I just got sick of asking. I texted him and basically ended things, I asked "Why are we together if you don't have time for me?" and he replied with "Maybe we should take a break then." At that moment I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I thought he was going to fight for me, but no he didn't. Wow after treating him like a king for 2 months and giving him the most important thing a girl could lose he just gave up. I was.. I don't know, I was lost, confused, hurt, tired, angry, depressed. I didn't want anything to do with anyone. For weeks after we broke up I tried to get him back, but it wasn't working and it was breaking me more than I could see myself. I stopped eating, I stopped talking to my parents, my friends, my family. I stopped everything. I didn't focus on basketball as much as I used to, I died inside. I thought I was going to be with him for ever. One day I woke up and looked in the mirror and said to myself "Talya, stop. Stop the crying, Stop being hurt, Stop being different. Be you." So I got dressed for school and actually did my makeup and hair. Something over came me and I don't know what it was. All I knew was I was sick of being hurt 24/7. I got to school with the biggest smile on my face and in such a good mood.

      Everyone looked at me like something was wrong. Just the day before that I couldn't stand I was crying so bad. I was wearing sweatpants a baggy sweatshirt, no makeup and my hair in a messy bun. I was in a skirt with a shirt and a scarf, with my makeup all done and my hair curled. I looked in the mirror and couldn't believe what I did to myself. I just forgot about josh. Until the nights, the lonely nights of not spending it with him, not having him, not being in his arms all night. Not eating dinner with him. I couldn't take it at night, it just hit me every time. I wanted to give up, I cant be a different person in the morning and a totally different person at night. It just wasn't me. I wanted more than anything to be back in josh's arms and be 'His Girl'. But then...

 

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