The Fan Girl

For the first time...
I felt free,
like no one could touch me,
he was mine,
and I was his fan girl...

but you have to wake up sometimes


7. Packing and Guilt

You know what emotion can eat you the most in life? Guilt...

And right now its clawing at my heart, screaming at me....

Its slowly tearing a peice everytime...

I cant do this.

I stopped Packing,

my hand gripping the shirt I was just about to place into my suit case, just hovering there...undecided.

The knot in my throat was bigger than it has every been,

How could I be such a horrible person, thinking I could just leave whenever I wanted to...

'But you've already paid for the ticket' whispered the little voice in my head,

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I saw mom standing in the doorway of my bedroom, with her shirt, for once, clean.

"I said, do you need help" she said raising an eyebrow chuckling at my obliviousness.

"Oh! um....yeah, sure" I said quietly.

She looked as if she wanted to say something but simply brushed it off walking towards my bathroom.

What was she gonna say? Was she gunna ask me to stay? Would I have agreed?

"You, know Mia..." she trailed off coming back in with a small bag, which I assumed was my bathroom esstensials .

"I think, this trip....y-you should do it...dont let us hold you back, I-we, are are completely capable of taking care of ourseleves, I'm a big girl, I've been taking care of you kids since you were just little diaper babies" She said placing the bag next to my suit case, and looking me in the eyes.

I never thought of it that way...

with one less kid to take care of, she might even have MORE time to herself...

I felt the guilt, slowly start to fade, the clawing become meer baby scratches, and the screams become distant.

I smiled at her, bear hugging her tightly,

she laughed hugging back.

"Now, lets go, your plane leaves in an hour, which gives us time to get there, and time to say our goodbyes" she said smiling and clapping her hands, as we both rushed to pack the rest of my items.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks,

taking my breathe away....


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