My child

I lost my child (by adoption), I lost a part of myself and I had to continue. I had no idea where my daughter was and I wasn't the girl who dared to think of her.


7. The Zoo

I woke up the next morning with the smell from fried eggs. I could really feel the smell in my nose and I opened my eyes. I lay on Nialls couch and I had a blanket over me. I even had a pillow under my head and I was surprised. Had I fallen asleep? I sat up and I yawned. I saw that Niall had removed the glasses from the table and I realized he was editing at home dad.
"You're awake?" Nialls head sticking out from the kitchen and he looked happy. "Come in and you will get breakfast." 
I hesitated, but still I stood up. I went into the kitchen and saw that he had laid out everything on the table. He took over the eggs on plates and put one plate where I would sit. 
"Don't tell me you don't eat breakfast?" 
I smiled and chose to obey him. I blushed and sat down on the chair. 
"I woke up just now?" 
Niall laughed and sat down. 
"I didn't want to wake you up and I didn't think you would mind to stay?" 
I looked at him. It felt so different being there, have breakfast with him and he had nothing against it.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep." 
Niall smiled and he looked straight into my eyes. 
"It didn't matter. I liked to watch you sleep. You looked pretty cute." 
I giggled and tasted the egg. Niall poured up the hot water into my cup and made ​​sure I got tea. 
"So what will you do today?" 
I gulped and looked up at him. 
"Why do you ask?" 
Niall looked at me and he hesitated. I saw that he wanted to ask, but it took some time before he opened his mouth. 
"Kitty and I tend to do fun things on every Saturdays. I'm going to go with her ​​to the zoo. Would be an honor if you wanted to come with us."
I just stared at him. He still wanted to be with me? I became almost totally silent throughout the body and eventually forced myself to answer. 
"If Kitty wants?" 
He smiled. 
"That's what I thought you would answer. I want you to get to know her. She's wonderful and I promise you that she wont be mean to you." 
I laughed a little bit and looked uncertainly down the food. 
"Children usually don't like me." 
He smiled and leaned slightly foreward over the table. 
"Give her a chance. Maybe she just bites you a little in the neck?" 
I laughed and looked at him again. Niall meant well, and I saw that he didn't want me to go away. 
"Can I go home and change clothes first?" 
Niall hesitated, jokingly. 
"Hmmm, I like your dress, but okay."


Okay! It was nerve whacking to be with Kitty and Niall. I saw at her that she was suspicious about me, but as soon as she saw the monkeys, she was happy. 
"Daddy look!" 
She ran up to the fence and Niall laughed. 
"It's just monkeys, darling?" 
I watched her and I felt just emptiness. I realized how much I really missed my own kid and I wondered how it was when you got to be a mother. 
"Is it okay?" 
I looked at Niall and nodded. 
"I just have a bad habit of thinking of my own child when I see other people." 
Niall took his arm around my shoulder. 
"Maybe one day you can look your child up?"
I nodded. Without thinking, I took my arm around his waist and we went up to Kitty together. 
"Yes, I want to meet her when she gets older." 
Niall looked at me again. 
"So you know it's a she?" 
I nodded and swallowed. This was the first time I talked about my own kid with someone else. But I trusted Niall and I wanted to be open about it.
"Yes, I got to hold her for a few minutes before they took her away from me." 
Niall hesitated. 
"Do you know who adopted her?" 
I shook my head quickly. 
"I just know that it was a young couple and the girl couldn't get pregnant."
I saw that Niall responded and he just stared at me. I was insecure and I wondered immediately what it was he was thinking about. It was as if I had said the wrong thing, but I just told him the truth. 
"Dad can I have ice cream?" 
Niall looked at Kitty and he seemed to stop to ponder. 
"Sure!" he said and released me. He took Kitty to a cart that sold ice cream and bought one for her. Then he smiled at me. "Do you want ice cream?" 
I laughed and shook my head. 
"No thanks!"


We sat down on a bench and Kitty sat between us. I looked at all the people passing by and enjoying the moment. 
I looked down at Kitty and was surprised that she remembered my name. She had ice cream all around her mouth and she smiled big. 
"I like you." 
I felt my heart skipped a beat. I smiled and took my arm around her shoulders. 
"Do you want to know something?" I said and she nodded on her head. "I like you too."

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