My child

I lost my child (by adoption), I lost a part of myself and I had to continue. I had no idea where my daughter was and I wasn't the girl who dared to think of her.


12. My grief

I lay on my couch and I cried. My own mom didn't believe me, the guy I loved got my daughter and I was a loser. I didn't hear the door opened. I didn't hear one person came in and walked up to me. I just felt a pair of arms around my body and someone held me tightly. 
"I love you. Please stay!"


I woke up! I opened my eyes and I saw Niall. We lay on the blanket with our clothes on and he kept his arms around my body. I hesitated whether I would move me away. I had pain all over and when I moved on my head, he woke up. I met his gaze and we just looked at each other.


"I met him at school!" I whispered. I wanted to tell my story. "I loved Harry. He was the school's best-looking guy and he was as old as you are. I couldn't stop looking at him." 
Niall said nothing. He just looked at me and he listened to me. 
"He was flirting with me." I said quietly. "He made me feel unique. I couldn't say no when he pulled off my clothes and he knew what he wanted. I felt so small afterwards and I cried. I showered half the night just to get away everything. I didn't want to feel his scent and I hated him."
I remembered everything so well. 
"When I told him I was pregnant he laughed. He called me a whore and he said I had fucked all. I got a bad reputation and everyone thought I was an easy mark, but I didn't have sex ever again. I hated guys and I hated the vicinity." I closed my eyes and I saw everything as if it was happening now.  "Mom thought I was a whore and she said that I couldn't keep an illegitimate child. She said I was disgusting and that I was dirty. I screamed, I cried and I fought until I couldn't manage it no more." I looked at Niall again. "I cried when I had given birth to Kitty. I cried because I wouldn't see her again and my heart went into a thousand pieces. I was only half a person. She came away with the rest of me."
Niall kissed my forehead and I felt that he really believed in me. 
"When Kitty was born, it took me six months to come back." I continued. "Mom said I was weak, but I wasn't weak. I loved my baby and I just felt empty."
I felt the feeling that no one would believe me and I was hopeless. 
"I chose to drop out of high school, because I suspected that I wouldn't cope with more. I wanted to work, leave home and start over."
Niall let me not and he was quiet. 
"Since you came into my life and Kitty appeared. I don't even know what I feel anymore and I have no idea what to feel." 
Niall kissed me softly. 
"We love you." he whispered tenderly. "I promise to help you because I love you more than myself." 
"How can you love me?" 
Niall smiled and looked into my eyes. 
"Because you are unique and you are Kitty's mom."






I know it sounds tragic! 

There will be more!

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