My child

I lost my child (by adoption), I lost a part of myself and I had to continue. I had no idea where my daughter was and I wasn't the girl who dared to think of her.

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17. finally

Niall arranged with a moving company that would help us. I was careful what I wanted with me from my apartment to his place.
"The rest, we put in mom's basement." I said, Niall nodded. He went through my bookshelf and took down my books in boxes. Kitty ran around and just trying to be charming. She giggled and she liked all the boxes. 
"Are you going to sleep in my bed?" 
I smiled and shook my head. 
"I'm too big for your bed." 
She giggled and then looked at Niall. 
"Dad, should I say mom to Amber now?" 
Niall smiled and looked at me. 
"Honey, what do you say?" 
My heart jumped. I looked down at my daughter and I realized that she hadn't called me mom yet. 
"You can say whatever you want."
I saw that she was thinking and she seemed to think about what she wanted to call me. 
"I think I will call you mom." she said. I felt the tears coming and I bent down. I looked into her brown eyes and smiled big. 
"Okay sweetheart. I'm your mom, I'm your mom with all my heart!"

 

In the evening I landed tired in bed. Kitty was between me and Niall. We just lay ant just staring up at the ceiling. I felt how it all began to fall into place and I felt I was where I belonged.
"Mom?"
I was startled and looked at Kitty. She yawned and smiled at me.
"I will tell my friends that you are my mom. Is that okay?"
I nodded and smiled at her.
"Yes, it's okay."
Kitty smiled and looked up at the ceiling again.
"It's nice having a mum."

 

Niall lifted Kitty in his arms, after she had fallen asleep. I saw him sneak out of the bedroom. Direct I went into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower. I undressed myself and went in under the running water. It was wonderful to be clean. I heard the phone ringing and Niall replied. I heard his voice, and right as it was he showed up in the bathroom. 
"It was Lou!" 
I hesitated. 
"Okay?" 
Niall opened the shower door and smiled at me. 
"The test result has come." 
I looked at him and still I hesitated. I felt a lump in my stomach. I just stared at him. He smiled and kissed me lightly. 
"It shows that Harry's the father." he whispered. "But he doesn't want anything to do with Kitty and he doesn't want to share the responsibility." 
I didn't care. I had still a name on the paper. 
"That's all right." I said. "I still don't want him to see her."

 

Lou made ​​sure that everything that was about us was waterproof. Niall wasn't Kitty's biological father, but he was her father when it come to everything else. I got my name in the registry and from the autumn Kitty was my responsibility too.

 

I woke up one morning and felt really bad. I ran out to the bathroom and threw up. Niall woke up and he was surprised. 
"Honey, you're sick?" 
I emptied my stomach into the toilet bowl and nodded. 
"Yes,,,!" 
Niall came out to me and gave me paper to wipe my mouth with. He sat down next to me and kissed me lightly on the cheek. 
"Go to sleep. I'll take care of Kitty today."

 

I did the test behind Nialls back. I suspected but I had no proof. I bought a stick and it clearly showed that I was pregnant. I had mixed feelings in the body and actually I realized that this time no one would take my child away from me. I would keep my child and create a future.

 

"Are you serious?" 
Niall almost dropped the mug. I nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. I showed him the stick and I saw that he had to pull himself together. Then his face lit up and he threw himself over me. 
"Honey, we're having a baby together?" 
I smiled and nodded. 
"And you want that?" 
Niall kissed me. 
"Are you stupid? Of course I want to be a father."

 

 

--

 

I gave birth to a shapely little son. He was a copy of Niall and I realized that even this child wouldn't remind of me. Still, I was happy. I felt my whole body ached with all the feelings that I had. There was no lawyer beside me and I got to hold my son for as long as I felt like it. 
"You did it well." Niall whispered and kissed my forehead. He sat next to me and looked down on our children. "He's beautiful." 
I nodded and felt the tears came. I kissed Niall and looked down at our son. 
"He is ours,,," I whispered. "I get to keep him and he's our son."

 

--

 

Have you ever wondered why certain things happen? I did that! I have often thought about the choices I had made. Had I said no to Candy, I hadn't met Niall. I hadn't become a mom to my daughter and I had lived in suspense. Although the truth is tough, it was nice that I did manage to get my mom to open up more. We got a different relationship and actually she loved Kitty, because it was her grandchild. 

 

I believe in fate and I believe that everything will be all right in the end. I lost five years of my life. Five years I spent about being good enough. Still, I wouldn't want anything undone. Maybe it was supposed that the young Amber wouldn't be a mom so early? Still, I was glad that my mother didn't get paid to do the abortion. By then I had been even more fragmented.

 

Me and Niall were married. We named our son to James and actually we became one big family. Niall was the best father that my kids could get and he took care of us as if we were royalty. I loved him and I knew he was the only one for me. Without Niall, I was half and without my children, I was nobody.

 

 

 

 

The end

 

 

Thanks to everyone who read, commented and participated. I guess it's an odd story, but I didn't want to write another one that contained violence and more. This was easy and I liked the cute story.

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