Paper Voicemails || Calum Hood

In which he would write her paper voicemails, but to never sent them.


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18. the end

this final chapter may be triggering for the ones having suicidal thoughts and/or are suffering from depression so please read at your own risk. im always here for you if you need someone to talk to or someone to listen. 

As he finished his last letter he wrote down his name on the end of it.

Sincerely,

Calum.

Then he folded it into an envelop and placed it on his desk with the other letters he had written.

He stared at the pile for a few seconds while bringing the vodka bottle to his lips and taking another sip hoping it would make the pain dissapear. It had been like this for about five months now. He would call her and listen to her voicemail, then he would grab a pen and some paper and he would put the words he wasn't able to spill on paper. He would make paper voicemails, but to never sent.

The poor boy had stepped out of the band the band he was in, saying he needed time to clear his mind. He had left his best friends only to turn into a heartbroken alcoholic.

Never had he felt so miserable in his life. Never had he thought he would use alcohol as an excuse to take his pain away. Never had he loved someone so much it hurted like he had loved her.

He still wasn't able to find another reason then him fucking everything up for her to break up with him. To break his heart into a million pieces. But it was his own fault after all. He was the one who loved too much, but had showed it too little. He was the reason she had broken up with him and had made him feel miserable. It was his fault. He had fucked everything up.

As all these thoughts replayed itself over and over in his head while he got up from his bed and grabbed a new bottle of vodka because of the other already being empty. While dragging his feet with him towards the front door he tried to open the botlle.

When he finally managed to open the door and the bottle he took yet another gulp. He walked out of his flat into the darkness of the night only the light of the lamppost making his view clear.

The boy reached into his pocket for his car keys before getting into the car not caring about putting on the seabelt. As he started the car he took another gulp of his vodka before he drove out of the neighbourhood that was filled with memories of their relationship that he had fucked up.

Calum knew exactly towards where he was driving and how to get there. It lasted a few long minutes but everything seemed to go faster whenever he would take another gulp of his vodka.

A smile appeared on the boy his face when he reached the railways. It was just like he had written in one fo the letters; he had found his problems at the bottom of an empty bottle and was about to make his pain go away for a while. But only this time he hoped that his pain would go away for a really long time. He hoped he could get rid of it for forever.

And with that the train started to appear into Calum's view. He placed the now empty bottle on the passenger seat and closed his eyes while he listened to the thoughts that were still replaying itself in his mind.

It was his fault he had ended up like this. He was the one that fucked up. It was all his fault.

And with that the poor boy did what he thought was the best for him. He stopped living, but he was too drunk to realize that he had now hurted his friends and family more that he was hurted himself.

At least they would know why. He had put all his feelings on the paper voicemails that were still on his desk, but that he had never sent.

 

Please comment what you think of this bc I would love you forever 

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