Broken Angel

The title pretty much sums it up. I'm a broken angel and this is my story.

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8. My Last Note To You

Hey, remember me? Cuz I sure as hell remember you.

I just wanted to write one last note to you before I go.

For good.

We've drifted apart and we can't deny that. Things aren't how they used to be. When we were best friends; before we dated. When everything was right in the world. We were at peace.

I still remember you. I remember the old us. We used to talk 24/7. What happened to that? What happened to those conversations that lasted until midnight. Always smiling and joking around.

You were my best friend, or so I thought.

I remember the day I realized that I loved you. The day I officially fell in love with you.

It was at my house. Angela had left and it was only the two of us. We sat across from each other and you sang "I See The Light" (Eugene's Part) and I don't know what happened but something came alive in my heart and at that moment in time I knew I loved you; and I always will.

I remember that feeling. To this day I still get butterflies whenever I see you.

I remember the day I went over your house for the first time. You gave me a tour of your house and all we did was hang out and play video games the rest of the day.

But we also watched "Frozen" and I don't think I'll ever forget that night. That was the night when you kissed me. My first kiss was with you and, to be honest, I don't regret it. I loved it. I loved having the feeling of your lips pressed against mine.

I loved you. And I still do. A lot.

I don't know how to cope with this anymore other than to cut myself and starve myself. The depression I'm experiencing is only getting worse and I'm falling apart everyday, little by little.

I see you in the halls and I stare at you in admiration and adoration but you look right past me with disregard of my presence. But that's okay. Seeing you is enough to put a smile on my face. To make me the slightest bit happy.

You said you wanted me to be happy. But how can I when you're the only thing that gives me that feeling, yet I can't have you. Now tell me how the hell is that supposed to work?! How the fuck am I supposed to be happy when you're the only one who is capable of giving me that feeling but I can't have you. If I can't have you then I don't think I'll ever be truly happy again.

It's really hard, you know? It's not easy for me. You have no idea how much I love you and how much I truly care for you.

You don't have to apologize either. I let you bring me down. I understand if you don't want me or even care about me anymore. I'm used to it by now.

Oh, and about that Friends With Benefits? We should never speak of that again. Ever.

I just want to let you know that I could've given you anything if it meant you could still be mine. I would've done anything. I could've given you the relationship you wanted. All the love in the world. I'd pick you over my friends any day. Because you mean so much to me.

I just wish I could turn back time and fix everything because then I wouldn't be a mess like I am now. Well, more of a mess than I am right now.

If you truly don't want me anymore and don't want to be with me again then I wish you all my luck in the future...and to your future girlfriend.

I hope you love her. I hope when you touch her, you do it for you. I hope you touch her gracefully and softly like I once thought of you touching me. I hope you kiss her gently, full of love like I once wanted you to kiss me. I hope you smile and you find passion in her eyes when you least expect it. I hope you not only touch her body, but I hope she touches your soul. I hope your bodies intertwine and your mind does the same.

I hope she loves you, more than I ever could if that's even possible. I hope she makes you happy and lights up the darkness lingering in your life. I hope she makes you happy because your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I hope you find the one even if it's not me.

It's going to hurt like hell seeing you with someone else that isn't me. Knowing that you'll be loving someone that isn't me.

I can no longer be your second choice when you're my first.

I just want you to be happy. I want to see your smile everyday and hear your laugh because your happiness means more to me than my own.

You can still text me; or call me. Even if we're not together. Even if we're far, far away from each other or not even friends anymore; call me. I'll answer. I always will.

I'm going to let you go, as much as it kills me...

But I want you to know that that doesn't mean I won't love you anymore because I always will. You've taken a part of my heart and there will always be a place for you there. You'll always be a part of my heart.

But I will never be a part of yours.

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