Arctic// Luke Hemmings

"The realization that she's gone hit me like a blast of cold air,like in the arctic.That's how I live my life."

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3. Two

My heart begins to beat fastly, at the thought of Zoey, my Zoey, standing in front of me again after two whole months.The girl who shattered my heart, but I can't stay mad at her for anything.I blink a few times to see if i'm not hallucinating due to the fact that I haven't eaten a proper meal in weeks.

She starts toward me, her hair long hair swishing around as she walks.She sits on the edge of the bed, taking a good look at me, and I feel self-concious, since I haven't showered in god-knows how long, my hair is greasy and turning white from stress, and my face has been flushed, colorless.

"Luke," She starts.

"Zoey." I say, my eyes still wide as can be.

"Luke, don't be this way.You have to move on from me, Luke.I have moved on from you, and found someone new." She says, breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces as the words escaped her mouth.

And that is the most horrible thing, having someone you love, love someone else.Just as I thought she was coming back for me, to save me from facing the world alone, she breaks my heart again.I feel like now, i'm something beyond heartbroken, beyond pushed over the edge.I just can't put my finger on it.

"Luke, i'm sorry.But you have to get yourself out there, make yourself available.I was your first love, and you were mine,too.I still love you, but hey, you will always love your first love, even the tiniest bit, you will find ourself thinking you want to go back to them.It's just your mind decieving you, Luke.I spent alot of time greiving over you, too.But, you have to go on with life.Your life has so much meaning.You should show some other girl, maybe a boy even, how much they mean to you.But you can't do that without letting go, Luke.I will always love you, but I'm not your true love."

"What if I told you how much you mean to me?" I ask.She stayed silent.

"Well, I can't.I can't explain it in words, but I know that is alot." I say.And in that moment, I realized something.I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

"Luke, I can't be with you.I have found my true love.I don't want to stop you from finding your own.Luke, it will make me happy." She says, slowly rubbing my back.

"So you just got over me?It was that easy, huh?Greive for me for 5 minutes and pick back up, just like nothing happened.3 years just down the drain, Zoey? I'm starting to question if you ever loved me at all." I say, letting out a sigh.

"Luke, I-" She starts, but never finishes.

" I think you should just leave." I say, gaining more and more confidence by the second.

She nods her head, quickly walking out of the room.She never loved me; it was unrequited love.I feel like i'm drowning.

She was always ticking inside of me, since the day we met, and I dream of her more often than I don't.

 I sink back down into the blankets, all of this sinking in.

I can't cry anymore; I can't.All of the pain, that she caused me, makes me want to hit something.Makes me want to do something absolutely crazy.

I stand up slowly, having only got up for the past couple months to go to the bathroom.My legs are wobbily, causing me to shake as I stand up.

I pull a pair of skinny jeans over my boxer-breifs, putting on about 10 rubber bracelets over the dry blood on my wrist.I look at myself in the mirror.I look sick.I am sick.

I style my hair into a quiff, putting a beanie over the rest of it, grabbing my wallet, and walking out into the living room.

"Hey, buddy!You came out!" Ashton cheers.I had no idea why he was here, and so was Michael.But, they have been coming over alot.I nod my head quickly, before grabbing my car keys.

"Where are you going?" Michael asks.

"Out." I tell him.

"I don't think you would be okay to drive.." He trails off.

"I'm not.Just leave me be." I remark, walking out of the door quickly.

I check my twitter on my phone while i'm in the elevator, something I almost never do anymore.I have thousands, no, millions of notifications, due to the fact that I haven't been out in public in the past two months.

They think i'm dead.I quickly tweet something, my notifications building up by the second.

@Luke5SOS: Guys, i'm not dead.Thank you for all of the sweet tweets.I have just hit a rough spot in my life. x

I hit the tweet button, more and more notifications building up.I put my phone in my pocket, hearing the ding of the elevator door.I step out into the lobby.

"Mister Hemmings, I thought you were off on a long vacation." The doorman asks.

"Nope" I answer simply, walking out of the door.

I get into my car, driving the short distance to the nearest bar.

The sun is just now setting, it being the right time to go to the bar.I swing open the large doors, starting toward the counter.

"What would you like, cutie?" The woman bartender asks, putting her elbows down on the bar and making sure to show her cleavage.

I ignore it, knowing if I didn't then everything will go downhill and I would end up with a random girl in my bed when I wake up.I order a beer.

I gulp it down quickly, looking around the bar at the people having fun.

I wish I could do that.Yes, I am physically able obviously but I just can't.I feel like i'm betraying Zoey somehow.

I pay for the beer, and leave the bar, not being able to handle it anymore, being around so many people.

I get back into my car, and just sit ther and think.I have had alot of time over the couple months to think, but I feel like now I really can, you know?Like, I could possibly think happy thoughts, if I could keep my mind off of her.I'm a mess, I'm a goddamn mess.

I sob into my hands quietly, my forehead pressing against the wheel of the car.I put my head back up, wiping my tears and starting my car.

I don't know where i'm driving, I just do it.Drive away.

-

I am taken out of my daze, and see that my car is sitting in front of my mum's house.I turn off the car, and walk in, seeing my happy little cousins running around in the house through the window.

I open the door, everyone silencing.

"Luke, is that you?" My mum asks, due to the fact that I am sickly pale and skinny, red eyes, and my hair is a mess.

"Yeah, mum.It's me." I smile weakly.

I can only imagine the wreck I look like.In the past couple months, I have sickly thinned down, my once blue eyes have turned to gray, my hair is turning white from stress, and my skin is a sickly pale color.

"Well.. i'm glad you're back from your vaction." She smiles.Calum told her that Zoey and I went on vacation togethe, and not to call either of us because we didn't bring our phones for 'peacefulness'.I'm just suprised she didn't see Zoey around town, like always.

"It was great." I say quietly, looking down at my feet and putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"I'm making dinner right now, do you wanna stay, Luke?" She asks, all of the children chasing eachother and my brothers, Ben and Jack, their wives telling them to stop, which they obviously don't even listen to.

"Yeah, I would love to." I answer.

-

"So, Luke, how are you and Zoey doing?" My mum asks, putting a cup in the dishwasher.

It is now after dinner, and mum and I were in the kitchen alone as she loaded the dishwasher.

"Uhm, great." I say, biting my lip ring and scratching the back of my neck.

"Don't you lie to me, Lucas." She says, finishing the dishes and leaning on the island, facing toward me.I look down, fighting back the tears.

"S-she broke up with me." I state.

"Lukey," She says.

I look up, my eyes glossy.

"I know you really loved her, Luke.I could tell something was wrong." She says, opening her arms to hug me.

"I don't know how much longer I can handle it, mum.She basically said she never loved me.It hurts, when you give your heart to someone and they just fake you out." I cry into her shoulder.

"It will be alright, Luke.She loves you, alot, you can see it in her eyes when she looks at you.They just light up, like a kid on christmas.You have to get her back, Luke.I'm not just saying this because you are my son, i'm saying this because I want to help you.That was a huge mistake she made, leaving you like that." She rubs my back.

"I want to die, mum." I cry, not realizing the words my mouth.

"You might feel like it right now, but I promise it will get better, I promise." She says.

--

 

XoXo^bOrN 2 PleeZ, bUt TaUgHt 2 TeAsE^XoXo

 

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