First Love


4. Alone in the library

Ok, so, I am like totally nervous to study with Richter, I tell myself that maybe he is nervous too. Then, he comes in looking totally confident. He says "Hi, Mags, you ready?" I reply "Sure, What do you wanna study first?" He says "Hmm, how about Ratatosk?" I reply "Okay" I stick my nose in the textbook and wreck my brain trying to fight the urge to kiss him so long and hard he won't even know what happened.AH.MAGS.GET IT TOGETHER. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE HIM. BUT YOU CAN'T LOSE HIM. YOU CAN'T SCARE HIM AWAY NOW. Once I'm done wrecking my brain I look up to find Richter looking over at me, he says "Are you okay?" I reply "Yeah" While looking over at him, we lock eyes, Dang, he is not making this easy. I look away quickly and stuff my nose in the textbook again wrecking my brain even harder MAGS. DON'T DO IT, DON'T SCARE HIM AWAY NOW. YOU CAN'T LOSE HIM. AH! I can't take it anymore, I have to excuse myself, I look up and say "Um, may you excuse me for a minute?" He looks up from his textbook and says "Sure, are you okay?" I say "Yes" then make a beeline for the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror and wreck my brain so hard MAGS. DON'T DO IT. DON'T KISS HIM, IF YOU DO, EVERY MOMENT AFTER THAT WILL JUST BE AWKWARD. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. I can't take this negative self talk. I can't lose him. I love him. Ah! I scream so loud he can hear it and he barges into the bathroom and says "I knew you weren't okay" I can't take it anymore. I can't resist the urge to kiss him. I lean in close to his face. I stop there, telling myself "STOP. NO. NO. DON'T DO IT. DON'T YOU LOVE HIM?" I can't do it. I can't take it anymore. I NEED this.Then, I do the unexpected, I pull him close to me and kiss him so long and hard he didn't even know what happened. Honestly, neither did I, But when I realize what I just did. I pull away and run away crying. WHY DID YOU DO IT.WHY DID YOU KISS HIM. WHY COULDN'T YOU FIGHT THE URGE TO KISS HIM. NOW YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE HIM. I stop running when I get to my dorm room, I run into my dorm, stuff my face in the pillow, and cry, I just lost him, I will never be able to face him again...

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