Maybe at one point, everything used to be in order. Not that books had to be categorized in alphabetical order, or the bedrooms had to be dust free with a made bed which looked as though no one slept in it. But that there was a definite beginning and end. Sometimes it's hard to tell where the beginning and the end of a relationship starts. Maybe the relationship started when you made the first move and asked the other out to some coffee. Or maybe it started when you saw someone cute across the halls at school and fell, only to look up and see them help you up and they smiled.
Jongin didn't remember when he first met Kyungsoo. He wasn't sure how they ended up together also. Maybe it was when he went to Crossroads at the end of the street and they both picked up the same book. Or maybe it was when a few weeks after Jongin first saw Kyungsoo, a leather bound notebook and pencil in hand, heading to the swing set while Jongin left the university for his entrance exam.It may have also started when Kyungsoo waved at Jongin from across the hall as he remembered him as the tall boy from Crossroads. Lost in the busy walls overflowing with people, Jongin was glad to have someone hold his hand out to him.
There was a climax in it all. The night when Kyungsoo showed Jongin his song that he made for his music composition class where instead of his fingers touching the keys of the piano, nervous fingers shyly touched the ones of the others. Innocent confessions the resultant of the late night coffee dates when Jongin needed Kyungsoo's help with his first year Calculus homework, albeit he knew Kyungsoo was a music major student.
And then there was the falling action. The ending of it all was screwed up.
In Jongin's hand laid the fifth letter Kyungsoo wrote which used to stay in a leather bounded notebook. Jongin remembered seeing it on Kyungsoo's bookshelf, it's spine pressed against the wall.
"What's this book?" Jongin asked Kyungsoo as he reached for the notebook on a night when the stars where out and they shined with the moon watching them. But Kyungsoo was faster. He grabbed the notebook and shoved it into his backpack.
Why did I decide to make these letter when I knew that I would never send these letters to you? These letters just keep getting shorter and shorter don't they. Today, I went to my mother and father's grave without you this time. I seem to be getting better at facing them now while their dead compared to when they were still alive. How stupid is that? I can't help but think about how they're laying under the ground side by side when they couldn't even sleep in the same bed when they were living. The thought about how my father couldn't stay true to my mother makes me scared for our future. You wouldn't leave me will you? Or will it be the opposite? What if I'm the one who gets tired of you? I worry like this. What if in this universe, we were meant to meet but destined for failure?
But I will try to dream better dreams in which even the brushing of hands is enough to make a heart flutter.