Our Hate/Love.

'I want to give you this, for our 16th year friendschip.' He said, giving me the same paperplane necklace that he has. 'Promise me to call every day, and never forget me.' I said. 'I promise.' He replied.


8. Chapter 7

One month later.

~Carmens POV.

Its been one month already, and the boys and girls still hate me. I don’t blame them, they pull out pranks with me, but I do the same back, but it doesn’t feel right. I have a lot of scars already on my arms, thighs and hips.

I only feel worse, and when I look at twitter, there is so much more hate then before, but I guess Directioners hate me too right now. It’s not really worth it, is it? I don’t know anymore, I feel nothing, I am numb, but than again I still love the feeling.

I wore my sweatpants and a sweatshirt with long sleeves ofcoars, they already know I cut but not so much. I was thirsthy, so I walked downstairs. And walked to the kitchen. But the livingroom and kitchen close, so you can see what happens in both, and ofcoars the door is open. I sighed and walked in the kitchen.

‘We thought you died.’ Eleanor said.

‘It wouldn’t make a difference anyway.’ Harry said, and fist-bumped Louis, but I didn’t care about those words anymore, yes it hurts and they cut like knives in my heart, but the voices in my head are way worse.

They all laughed, laughed about those stupid jokes.

I tried to grab a glass but they set them in a counter up high. Wich I am way too short for. I tried and reached with my hands to the glasses, but my sleeve was pulled up, I didn’t pay much attention to that, but I heard some gasps behind me, so I looked behind to see Perrie and Zayn standing behind me and Niall stood behind them. They all had a shocked face, and Niall was about to cry.

I shrugged, and tried to grab it again but failed, I tried once again, but Zayn grabbed one for me, and filled it with water and gave it to me, like he knew I wanted water, not that I ever did something else in the kitchen.

‘Um, thanks.’ I said and grabbed the glass and walked away.

‘Your welcome.’ He mumbled, I turned around and smiled a little bit, very little, not thinking about anything, I just did a little smiled, something I didn’t do for a while. Zayns, Perries and Nialls eyes went wide and sparkled a bit, I walked back to my room and bathroom.


~Zayns POV.

My eyes widen at her little smile, a emotion. It was a little smile, but you could see it was real. Niall, Perrie and all the others knew she cut. But we wanted to know if she would finally eat something, she didn´t do it a whole week, and thats bad. The others don´t notice it, but Niall Perrie and I do. We were worried, so we stoppped the pranks we did. When she tried to reach a glass, she didn´t notice her sleeve. We saw cuts on her arm.

Her whole arm, was full of cuts, I wonder if she cut somewhere else. Niall, Perrie and I walked back to the living room and saw the others discussing about a new prank.

‘What if do something in the kitchen and when she opens the fridge, she got flower all over her?’ Louis suggested, everyone nodded and I sighed.

‘Whats wrong lad?’ Liam asked.

‘Why would she look there! She hasn’t touched anything but glasses, and water. Thats all she does in this house right now, she doesn’t eat, a whole month she didn’t have a bite ONCE!’ I yelled, they all looked at eachother.

‘Your right, we need another prank.’ Harry said, Sophia shook her head.

‘I am done with this shit, she didn’t do anything bad, didn’t it reach your fucking little minds that she has a depression now, ow wait thats right, you guys have no brain!’ Sophia shouted, Liam stood up.

‘Don’t use that language!’ He said.

‘What are you gonna do about it, huh, you are not my dad, but my boyfriend.’ She yelled at him, everyone looked at the two fighting.

‘I can change that right now.’ He yelled back.

‘Then why don’t you do it huh?! Why aren’t you fucking do it?’ She yelled.

‘Because I am in love with you!’ He yelled and she stopped, looking in his eyes. He never loved a girl after Danielle, and she knew that, and respected that.

‘Than why are you doing this to Carmen?’ She asked in a normal tone, ‘Why are you all doing this?’ She asked, before giving Liam a small peck, ‘I love you too Liam, but I need to make something right with someone.’ And then she walked upstairs.

All the boys eyes were wide, and shocked about the information they got right now.

‘AHHHHH!!!’ Sophia yelled and we all ran upstairs, to her yell. We opened the door and saw Sophia crying looking at the bathroom, from the door was open, we looked inside and saw Carmen laying there lifeless, with blood coming out of her wrist, with numerous cuts.

I picked her up and layed her on the bed checking her pulse, it was there but very slow, Niall was calling an ambulance, and soon they where here, they took Carmen with them, and drove away.

We all walked downstairs, I was thinking about Carmen, if she would make it, I looked at Perrie and she looked at me, she nodded and stood up. I grabbed my car keys and we drove to the hospital. We walked inside and asked for her,

‘She is in room 172, but she is sleeping right now.’ The lady behind the desk said, we thanked her and walked to the room, I opened the door and was shocked.

Carmen stood out of her bed and cried.

‘Why didn’t it work? Why couldn’t I just died? It would be a lot better, nobody cares, so why am I here right now?’ She asked herself, she wants to die? All because of us?

‘Carmen please no.’ Perrie said, Carmen turned around and was shocked but hid it, Perrie hugged her very tight, ‘I am so sorry, I was so worried, Niall, Zayn, Sophia and I are, I don’t know about the others, but we care about you.’ She said, and Carmen looked in deep thought, before nodding and hugging back.

‘Thanks, for actually caring.’ She wispered. Then the doctor walked in.

‘Ah, I see your awake, everything is alright, but I saw the scars and cuts on your wrists, hips and thighs, and I am thinking about to send you to therapy.’ He said. WHATT!!??

‘Thanks doctor, but I don’t think that is gonna work.’ She said trying to be polite.

‘Okay, but if it happens again, I wil send you.’ He said, and she nodded her head, ‘Fill these papers, and your free to go.’ She filled the mand we walked to my car, and drove off to her house, I opened the door and walked in.

Carmen walked in slowly but when she was inside, Harry throw a pie to her face. I gasped at the sight and saw Niall crying, and Perrie looked shocked. Carmen sighed, and walked to the bathroom, Perrie followed her, to make things sure, and helped her cleaning her face.

~Perrie’s POV.

I walked with Carmen to the bathroom, to help her to clean her face. She licked her lips.

‘Mmmh, apple pie, my favorite.’ She joked a bit, making me laugh a bit and her smile. Smile.


Okay breath, just act like its nothing at all Perrie.

But its so good she has some emotions!

We cleaned her face, and she walked to her bed, when I got an idea.

‘Lets go clubbing!’ I said and smiled, she groaned but nodded. I walked to her closet and gasped, she has so many clothes, from sexy to a tomboy. Carmen snickered at my reaction, then she laughed. LAUGHED!!

She laughed so hard she cried. Niall, Zayn and Sophia came running in, and were shocked but still happy.

‘Ow, hey guys,’ She said and stopped laughing, ‘Whats up?’

‘We heard laughing, and we knew it wasn’t Perrie, so we came looking.’ Zayn said.

‘You LAUGHED!’ Niall yelled. Carmen smiled.

‘Yeah, but thats not the end of my depression, I feel some emotions, but I still feel very low, if you get what I mean.’ She said.

‘We understand it completely, but why did you laugh?’ Sophia asked.

‘Well, Perrie decided to go clubbing so she looked in my closet, just look.’ She said. Sophia looked at her closet and did the same reaction as mine.

‘And that was her reaction too.’ Carmens said. Sophia nodded and smiled.

‘Can I join clubbing?’ She asked us, I nodded but Carmen thought about it.

‘Only if I can choose your outfit, hair and make-up.’ She said and bounced up and down.

‘Deal, but I choose your dress.’ She replied smirking.

‘Deal,’ and they shook hands, ‘And Perrie I choose your dress too.’

I sighed and nodded, she ran to her closet, and got 2 black dresses,

For me one with sleeves and some sparkles, she picked silver high heels, a silver handbag,

For Sophia one with loose sleeves, a silver handbag, and gold high heels.

She gave me fake purple tips for in the hair, and put natural make-up on, just mascara, eyeliner and lipgloss.

By Sophia she curled her hair, and gave her a smokey eye, mascara and lipgloss. When she was done she turned the mirror for us.

My outfit:

Sophia's outfit:

It was so beautiful, she did a good job, with us. And she did it in less then 20 minutes. Now it was our job for her.

 Sophia looked in her closet and found a black dress with long sleeves, for the cuts. I found sparkly black heels, and a bag. Some accesoires.

I made her blue tips, turn to pink, and curled it a bit, while Sophia did some mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow and lip balm on her face.

Carmens outfit:

We took some selfies with eachother, and laughed.

‘We did a good job.’ Sophia said, looking at Carmen.

‘I did also a good job with you guys.’ She said and laughed. There was a knock at her bedroom door, she opened it and saw Niall and Zayn, standing in skinny jeans and a v-neck shirt. I must say, Zayn looked HOT!

‘Wow, you girls look… Beautiful.’ Niall said.

‘And sexy.’ Zayn said, and winked at me, I smirked.

‘Thanks, We are going, bye guys.’ Sophia said.

‘And we are going with you!’ Niall said, we all giggled.

‘It was supposed to be a girls night out.’ I said, but Carmen giggled.

‘I still have some wigs in my closet, and clothes.’ She said and bursted out laughing. The boys shook there heads.

‘Fine, lets go!’ Sophia said, and walked downstairs. We saw Harry standing in the hallway, waiting for someone.

‘Still waiting for Taylor, I see.’ Niall said, and raised his eye brow. Harry sighed and nodded, Carmen started laughing hysterical. Harry raised his eye brow, and smiled, his eyes sparkling a bit. But quickly hide it.

‘Carmen, calm down or I tell about the cu…’ Niall said, but Carmen put her hand on his mouth.

‘Tell about the what?’ Harry asked.

‘Something we both have.’ She denied, but Harry didn’t understand, ‘The birthmark on our butts.’

Harry blushed, while Perrie, Sophia, Niall and I looked at eachother confused. But shrugged it off.

‘What are you going to do with Taylor?’ Perrie asked.

‘Why did you ask that, you already know the answer.’ Carmen said.

‘Tell me, what am I gonna do.’ Harry said and smirked.

‘Well its Friday, and you have a girlfriend, so your out clubbing, get completely drunk, with her and than something else.’ She said and made a disgusted face.

‘How did you know that?’ He asked.

‘Harry, we knew eachother since birth, you told me everything, and I knew you. Still do, I can read you Harry, better than you could ever think.’ She said and blinked a couple times, not to cry.

‘What does that mean?’ He asked.

‘That I know you, but you don’t know me anymore.’ She said and I had an urge to cry right now, but kept it back, ‘Now lets go.’ She said.

‘Yeah!’ Sophia said. We walked to the door and opened it, but Carmen yelled something inside.

‘WE ARE GOING OUT CLUBBING, IF YOU WANNA COME, I DON’T CARE, WE ARE NOT WAITING FOR YOU…. BYEEEE!’ She yelled and closed the door, and giggled. We laughed and walked back to Zayns car, and drove to the club.

‘Lets go!!!’ Niall yelled. And walked to the club entrance, he wispered something in the security guards ear, and we could walk in.

I smelled sweat, smoke and alcohol, everyone was grinding with eachother other or making-out. Disgusting.

We all ordered some drinks and started dancing.

~3 hours later.

We are all completely drunk, except Zayn ofcoars. He wispered in my ear it is better to go home, so I walked to Carmen who was sitting at the bar looking at something, Taylor and someone kissing, and that someone wasn’t Harry. Carmen shook her head grabbed her phone, took a picture and saved it for later.

‘Carmen we are going home, okay?’ I asked her, she nodded, finishing her drink, and following me behind to the others. Zayn drove back, and saw that Harry was already at home. Weird? We walked inside and saw all the others sitting in the livingroom, talking.

‘Hey, theres the slut again.’ Louis said.

‘Yeah I bet she isn’t a virgin anymore!’ Eleanor said and laughed, Carmen put her nails in her palm.

‘Yeah, Eleanor you are so fucking right, always been, you wanna know why? My fucking father raped me, thats why I am not a fucking virgin anymore, happy now! You guys think you al now the best things about me! But newsflash you don’t!

 Liam I thought you were more mature to understand me, but boy I was wrong, Louis, I thought you were the funny one, who doesn’t judge the cover before knowing the inside, guess I was wrong again, Eleanor, I thought you were the same like Louis, you stood up for me, but girl I was wrong again. Celine, you were my bestfriend, but I guess the fame got to your head not sticking up with me, but with some bunch of people who don’t think with there little brains, like you! Oh and then Harry! The guy I knew since birth, the guy who helped me when I was falling down, you build me up, but left and didn’t keep your promise, and humuliate me again. You think you really know me, start with knowing yourself!’ She yelled and stood there, raising here voice by everyone.

 Everyone was silence, not knowing what to say. But Carmen started again.

‘Oh and Harry, time for you to know Taylor better.’ She said and Harry raised his eye brow, she picked up her phone, and showed the picture, he looked shocked and then smirked.

‘How do I know, you didn’t photoshop it?’ He asked, Carmen sighed.

‘Why the hell would I do that Harry, this is what I mean, You don’t know me, anything you knew about me, changed okay, I changed because I couldn’t handel all the pain, you broke me, but I am not as cruel as you guys, to break you too.’ She said taking a step to Harry, and glared at all of them.

‘And it is time for you to know,’ Niall said taking steps to Carmen and showed her wrist, ‘How bad you guys made it. She has this on her thighs and hips, now what do you want actually, All of you.’

‘You guys were just as cruel as we were.’ Louis pointed out.

‘Really when was the last time we pulled out a prank on her.’ Zayn said stepping forward.

‘Who was there and helped Carmen finding her emotions?’ Perrie asked.

‘Who was there and helped Carmen up when she was falling down?’ Sophia asked.

‘Who was there to understand Carmens problems?’ Niall asked.

‘And I know for one time, it isn’t you Harry.’ Zayn said.

‘So I hope you recieved what you wanted, and now, go the fuck out of my house!’ Carmen said yelling the last part. They hung there heads down and started packing there stuff.

‘Please Carmen, I didn’t mean it.’ Celine started, Carmen shook her head and let some tears fall.

‘No, I don’t even know who you are, now go.’ She said and opened the door for all of them, they walked out, Carmen slammed the door shut, and started crying. Me and Sophia started hugging her.

‘Shh, its okay, in the end everything is gonna be okay, hun. Always is, always been.’ I said, and wiped away her tears.

‘I am gonna change, you guys can borrow some of mine.’ She said and walked upstairs, we followed her.

She searched in her closet fors ome pj’s and throw them at us. We changed and walked back downstairs.

‘Lets watch a movie!’ Niall said and tried to change the mood.

‘Yeah sure, but not one of those stupid romance stories, please I am really gonna cry then!’ Carmen screamed and laughed, wich made us laugh.

‘How about a funny one then?’ Zayn asked, everyone nodded.

‘How about…’ Sophia started.

‘GROWN UPS!!’ Carmen and I yelled in unison, and everyone started laughing.

‘Guess it is.’ Sophia said and put the movie in and clicked on play.

Everytime there was something funny, Niall started laughing and choked in his popcorn. Then he started coughing and laughed again, making us laugh too.

‘Niall, Sophia, sorry about this you can go to Liam and Celine if you want too.’ Carmen said and looked guilty.

‘Hey, hey, I am staying here.’ Sophia said and hugged Carmen.

‘Me too, I mean I have popcorn!’ Niall said.

‘If you don’t choke in them.’ Camen said, and everyone laughed again.

When the movie ended, Carmen was on the couch, with her head on the ground and feet in the air. Everyone else layed on the floor.

‘I am bored.’ Zayn said. Everyone nodded.

‘I have a music room?’ Carmen said and everyone looked at her, ‘Hall to the left, second door left.’ She said and everyone ran in the hall to the left, second door left. We opened the door and saw a bedroom.

‘Carmen!!!’ Niall yelled, Carmen jogged to us.

‘Oops, second door to the right I guess.’ She said and opened the door, and everyone walked inside and gasped.

The room was filled with guitars, keybords, a piano, a drum, and many other instruments, and a singroom to make a demo.

‘I am in love!’ Sophia said.

‘Me too!’ Zayn, Niall and I said.

‘And I am not!’ Carmen said, ‘Cause I am already married to it!’ She joked. And we all laughed.

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