Our Hate/Love.

'I want to give you this, for our 16th year friendschip.' He said, giving me the same paperplane necklace that he has. 'Promise me to call every day, and never forget me.' I said. 'I promise.' He replied.


7. Chapter 6

~Carmens POV.


I walked home from school. I walked inside to see my dad drunk again, with some friends. Mom was working.

It was a rough time, now. Dad lost his job, his dream job. After he was fired, he started going out again and drunk, but he stayed faithfull to mom, and that is what kept her trust, or so she thought.

I walked quietly to the stairs, to go to my room. Not wanting dad to beat me up again. He said it was all my fault he lost his job.

I stepped on the stairs but it croaked, making their heads turn toward me, and smirk. I was terrified, terrified of what he would do next.

‘Well, as you know my daughter, the one who made me lose my job, is a whore. So I have some plans with you, and they do to.’ My dad slurred, his friends nodded while my dad pushed me in his room.

He first slapped me across the face making it sting and kicked me in the stomach making me clutch and hold it. he laughed.

‘You are just a worthless pathetic little whore, who doesn’t deserve to live.’ He yelled and started to undress me, he never did this before, never. I tried to stop him, stop him undressing me.

‘Dad, this isn’t you, I didn’t do anything to you!’ I yelled and the tears streamed down my cheeks. He just laughed in my face.

I don’t want to go in detail, but I lost my v-card when I was 14, by rape, to my dad.

But thats not everything, sadly.

His ‘friends’ raped me secondly, and it hurts like … I don’t know.

~end flashback.

I woke up, panting. All the boys sat there. But worst of all.

I remembered.

I remembered the things I thought I forgot, it was a long time ago. My mom saw the bruises, and made my dad go to therapy, but no-one knew that he and his friends actually raped me. I never trusted him again, he never did it before, but I was scared all time when I would be back from home.

Louis hugged me.

‘You are awake, what wrong?’ He asked, and pulled away from the hug. I felt myself getting more sweaty when he asked that.

‘Uh…. Why, did I black out?’ I asked back. All the boys nodded. I sighed deeply falling back on the bed.

‘now whats wrong?’ Zayn asked. I shook my head.

‘Uh… N-Nothing.’ I said and blinked the tears away.

‘We all know something is wrong, if you don’t want to tell us, its okay, we understand.’ Liam said being.. well… being Liam.

‘Its just a secret from the past, I never told to anyone, even Celine doesn’t know it. just be happy I ate a whole year.’ I said, and shrugged.

‘So, you didn’t think about telling me back then?’ Harry said trying to lighten my mood, but that made it worse and I know he noticed now. I glared at him.

‘Well, Harry, maybe this was personally, because everyone has them, don’t you?’ I gritted through teeth. He was shocked by my reaction, and to be honest I was too, I never am this mean or bitchy like.

‘Harry, I think it is better for you to leave.’ Niall said and patted his shoulder. He hestitated but slowly stood up.

‘If you go to Taylor *cough* bitch *cough* HAVE FUN!!’ I yelled, and the boys snickered. Harry groaned and closed the door. I sighed, thinking.

‘Well, I am bored, anyone want to swim?’ Liam asked. Everyone nodded their heads, and looked at me.

‘I have no bikini.’ I said as matter of fact. They nodded.

‘Then you go get them.’ Niall replied in a duh tone.

‘Okay, be back in 10 minutes.’ I said and walked back to my house, I walked inside my room and looked for a bikini, I finally found one.

A purple bikini.

I ran back to the hotel, and knocked on the door, they all stood with their swim thrunks, and a v-neck shirt.

‘ready?’ Louis asked. I nodded and we walked to the pool from the hotel. We saw some couples and people with children playing. I smile, It is a nice day, hot but with a little breeze so you don’t burn into ashes. Okay, I just proved myself once again I am weird. I suddenly got an idea.

‘Louis, can you call Eleanor. Liam can you call Sophia and Zayn you have to call Perrie??’ I asked and gave my world famous puppy-dog eyes, they all softened and nodded.

‘Only if you call Celine!’ Niall said.

‘Just ask her out already!’ Louis said and called Eleanor. Liam and Zayn called their girlfriends too. Yessss I cheered for myself.

Niall blushed and pouted. I sighed and got my phone.

Celine speaking.’ She said

‘No are you kidding, sorry wrong number I thought I called miss Irish.’ I joked.

Okay, okay, sup?’ She laughed.

‘Well, I am with the boys at the pool at their hotel and NIALL wants you to come, the other girlfriends are coming too.’ I said yelling Niall at him, while the boys snickered again.

Yeah sure, wich hotel?’ She asked.

‘The one nearby that small cute coffeeshop where I once dragged you in, but you didn’t want. ’ I said, not remembering the name.

I know what you mean, coming.’ She said.

‘Bye baby Irish.’ I said.

Bye baby British.’ She said and we hung up.

‘She is coming.’ I said and Niall fist bumped the air, making the rest chuckle.

‘The girls are coming too.’ Liam said. I smiled to myself.

‘I can finally meet them!’ I said. At the corner of my eye I see Celine walking to us.

‘Baby Irish!’ I screamed and ran to her.

‘Baby British!’ She yelled and hugged me, earning a few weird glances to us. Making me laugh.

‘Move away, please, sass master wants a hug too!’ Louis yelled.

‘Go to your own Irish guy!’ I sassed back. He had a shocked face on my comment, and so did the boys.

‘I am sorry what did you say?’ He said and put his hands on his hips.

‘Oow, you heard me!’ I said and made a Z-line with my fingers.

‘You always have me, Lou.’ Niall said and hugged him, Louis glared at me and hugged Niall back. OMG Nouis moment! I made a happy dance in my head. When they pulled away from the hug, I jumped on Louis back.

‘I still wuve you Lou-bear!’ I said and kissed his cheek.

‘Your too cute too be mad on.’ He said and smiled.

‘I pretend that was a compliment.’ I joked, and he laughed.


Eleanors POV. (wow shocker, right?)

Me and the girls walked to the pool. I heard they were going too, so we decided to go together.

‘Eleanor, I think you should see this.’ Sophia said, and pointed to Louis. He had a beautiful girl on his back, while she kissed his cheek and he smiled. He is cheating on me?!

The girl laughed and jumped off his back and pushed him in the water. He came above the water and yelled at her with a smile.

‘You are gonna regret this!’ He yelled.

‘Really how do you plan on doing that?!’ She said and smiled.

‘BOYS!’ Louis yelled and Zayn and Liam picked the girl up and throw her in the water. She laughed.

‘Okay, Okay I get it, can you help me up Liam, Zayn?’ She asked and pulled out her hands. They both picked one hand and tried pulling her up, but she pulled them in the water.

She climbed out of the pool, and laughed at them.

‘You ruined my hair!’ Zayn yelled, and Perrie couldn’t stop laughing, Sophia laughed with her. How can they possibly be laughing while Louis can be cheating on me.

‘Are they here yet?!’ The girl yelled at them.

‘Don’t know, Eleanor should be here by now.’ Louis said,



‘I can’t wait, I want to meet them. I heard your stories about them and they seem so nice, and beautiful!’ She yelled. Aww thats so sweet. She is nice.

‘WE KNOW!’ Liam, Zayn and Louis yelled at her, and climbed out of the pool. Sweet boys. We watched them for a few minutes, before we saw Harry and Taylor coming towards us, we quickly hide because we hate her. She is soo selfish. Sorry, not sorry.

We saw that girl laughing but when Harry walked in with Taylor, she stoppped smiling and looked away quickly, the boys noticed and looked at Harry’s direction and frowned, then they also turned away.

Thats weird, the girls and I looked at eachother and started walking to the boys, they had their backs to us, while the girl looked at us, I put my finger on my lips, she understood and bit her lip from not screaming it out.

We all jumped on their backs, as they frowned and tried to look who it was, Louis saw Perrie and Sophia but not me.

‘Hi there.’ I said and waved at Liam, Zayn and Niall who was talking to another pretty girl.

‘Who is this?!’ Louis said and tried to look again, but failed again.

‘You don’t know your own girlfriend.’ I wispered and he seemed to think.

‘Wait, wich one?’ He said, and I gasped. ‘I am joking Eleanor.’

‘Thank god!’ I yelled making the girl snicker. I jumped off Louis back, and walked to her, so did the other girls.

‘Hi I am Eleanor, this are Perrie and Sophia.’ I said, making her smile.

‘I already know, the boys can’t stop talking about you guys, I am happy I can finally meet you guys.’ She said with a British accent. The boys blushed making us laugh. ‘I am Carmen, and thats Celine. Nice to meet you.’ She said and hugged us.

‘Baby British, Who are these beautiful girls.’ The girl that was talking to Niall said and jumped on Carmens back.

‘These beautiful girl are Eleanor, Perrie and Sophia.’ Carmen said. ‘This is Celine. But HEY, since when can you jump on my back like that?!’ She yelled at her, still on her back. Sassy, so this is why Louis and her are that great friends.. explains a lot.

‘Um, I don’t know?’ Celine say/asked. Carmen stopped suporting her, making her fall to the floor on her butt. ‘Ouch, that hurted.’ She said rubbing her butt.

‘Do I need to kiss it, to make you feel better, Baby Irish?’ She asked,

Baby British and Baby Irish? Oh Carmen and Celine…

‘No thank you.’ Celine said.

‘Ow so you want Niall to kiss it?’ She joked, aww, Celine blushed and shook her head.

‘I need to kiss what?’ Niall said, joining our conversation. Carmen wanted to say something, but Celine put her hand on her mouth.

‘Nothing,’ She said quickly, but rubbed her hand that was on Carmens mouth, ‘Ew, you licked it.’

‘Niall you need to kiss her butt.’ Carmen said making both Niall and Celine blushing.

‘That would be just gross.’ Louis said.

‘Wanna know a secret, Carmen?’ I asked her, she nodded, ‘I thought that Louis would be cheating on me with you.’ I said and her eyes wend wide. Then she laughed.

‘OMG, No thank you, gross.’ She said, and Louis glared at her.

‘We both know you want my sexy body.’ He said, making Carmen snicker.

‘You and I both know, that isn’t a sexy body.’ She said, sassy, then turned back to me. ‘No thank you,

First, not my type, second not my type, thirth not my type, fourth gross, and fifth I hate people who cheat, so I don’t want that.’ She said and gave me a reassuring smile, I smiled back.

‘Thank god!’ I said, She looked past me and frowned, I turned around seeing Harry and Taylor having a make-out session, I turned back to Carmen seeing her eyes a little glassy, but she blinked it away, ‘Whats with you and Harry?’

‘Uhm… I don’t think I can say it again, without crying or sobbing, so Louis can you say it for me?’ She asked him, he nodded and started talked to me.

When he finished I saw Harry still making out with Taylor, Ow that boys is getting on my nerves right now. I grabbed Carmens hand and pulled her with me, Perrie and Sophia following behind me.

‘Eleanor what the fudge are you doing?!’ She yelled at me, she saw I was walking to Harry and I saw her worried expression changing to nothing, no emotion. Empty.

I was standing right behind Harry and Taylor, and cleared my throat, they both turned away, looking at me at the girls, but Harry’s stare softened when he saw Carmen. I just see it in his eyes. But Carmens stare just hardened, it was really hard for her to stand so close to him again.

‘Why did you ruin us kissing?’ Taylor snapped.

‘Because I need to talk to Harry,’ I started, but Carmen interrupted, ‘and it was not kissing, it was sucking eachothers faces off, I would like to say.’ Making Perrie and Sophia laugh.

‘I am sure Harry wouldn’t mind with me with it.’ Taylor said and looked demanding at Harry, who shrugged.


‘WELL GROW UP ELEANOR, NOT EVERYTHING IS RIGHT WHAT YOU SAY, BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ANYMORE, I DIDN’T LIKE HER BACK THAN, AND HELL NO I DON’T LIKE HER NOW!’ He yelled back, his face red from anger, he looked at Carmen and frowned, he waited for her cries and sobs, but she was surprisingly silint, but her face expressions are empty, nothing, not even pain.

‘Grow up Harry, the fame just got to your head.’ Carmen said calm, ‘But don’t come crying on your knee’s if you have a break up with Taylor, because surprisingly she sing about their exes.’

Harry was shocked and looked at Taylor who was also shocked and blushed. Carmen walked away, Perrie and Sophia trying to find an emotion, but failing. Before I walked away I slapped Harry in the face. I walked away and saw the boys also trying to find an emotion, and also failing.

Celine came to us and looked at Carmen, and cursed under her breath.

‘No, no no no no, not again.’ She said.

‘AGAIN?!’ The boys yelled.

‘Yep, she had this one depression, she says she feels nothing but pain, she says she feels empty, numb. It happened ones, because of her anorexia, but I think this is way worse.’ She explained, ‘When she had this once, she started cutting, because thats the only way to feel something.’

‘Oh no, please no.’ Perrie said and started crying, Zayn hugged her, and I saw some tears falling from Sophia and Celine. Liam and Niall hugged them too.

‘I am soo gonna kill that boy.’ I said and started walking to Harry, but Louis stopped me.

‘No you are not.’ He said.

‘Guys I am fine, I am just gonna go home.’ Carmen said and stood up.

‘Someone has to come with you.’ Celine said.

‘We can pack our stuff and move in into your house for a while.’ Niall suggested. The boys nodded and Carmen sighed.

‘Sure, why not.’ She said and the boys smiled but her face expression stayed the same, empty.

We all walked back tot heir hotel room, and the boys packed their stuff, while I needed to write a letter for Harry the boys where.

How the hell am I gonna do that without one curs?!

I don’t know!

 I started writing and in the end there wasn’t a curs, so I am proud of myself.

The boys walked out of the hotel with some suitcases, Paul first didn’t like the idea, but we pointed at Carmen and he softened for a bit and drove to her house, wow, she has a big house!

‘Come guys, and girls.’ Carmen Said and walked to her door, and opened it. it was beautiful, I love it here.

We heard a sound and it was Carmens phone, she read a tekst and sighed.

‘I am free for the next 4 months.’ She said. She has a job?

‘What do you do?’ Sophia asked.

‘She is an amazayn model!’ Zayn said, and laughed about his little joke. Model? OMG she is also a model!

‘OMG!’ I said and hugged her, I thought she would smile, but I saw nothing. I sighed.

This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought it was.


~Harry’s POV.

I rubbed my cheek where Eleanor me slapped. It was weird to see her curse. But I was surprised how Carmen reacted, calm, emotionless, nothing. I regret what I said, but now I think about it, Eleanor was right. Ever since I saw her back, my feelings have come back, but now stronger than ever. I don’t know what to do, I feel stupid after I said those words, but still ask myself why Carmen stayed so calm. Did she ever liked me? Why was she so calm? Has she changed?

I must say when I saw her at that show, the first thought was that she was hot model, but when I looked better I saw the necklace, the necklace I gave one special person, and when I looked better at her, I saw Carmen. Carmen but more hotter and sexier than ever, I mean yeah, she was beautiful in the past, but no wits just.. Wow.

I walked back to the hotel room, and expected to see the boys there, but found nobody. I saw a letter on the coffeetable and started reading.


When you read this, the boys have moved in with Carmen, because someone needed to watch her. I am not gonna explain why, but maybe the boys will. I hope you clear your mind and act normal again. See ya later.


Thats weird, why would she be watched. And normal its xoxo Eleanor and now just Eleanor, okay why the fuck is this shit happening. And what kind of shit is this actually I don’t understand anymore! I started dialing the boys numbers but revieled a voicemail.

I started googling where Carmens house is, and I know what you are gonna say ‘what a stalker’, well how do you wanna find out where she lives? Nothing, no, thought so. Okay, no, thats not it either, nope, ah, got it, I ran out of the room and got in a taxi and said the address, we drove off and a few minutes I saw a huge mansion.

Is this her house, wow, its big. I gave some money to the driver and walked to the door, I knocked on it. I waited a few minutes and finally the door opened, Niall.

‘Uhm, hi Nialler.’ I said and scratched the back of my neck. He looked angry, and Niall is never angry.

‘What are you doing here?!’ he wisper/yelled.

‘Asking what’s going on.’ I shrugged.

‘You are asking whats going on, you tell me!’ He said louder.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Poor girl didn’t hear from you 2 whole years long! And now you are back you already ruined again. Its your fault!’ He yelled now. What was my fault then?

‘Niall calm down.’ I heard a wisper. Niall looked over his shoulder, ‘Let him inside before the paps come again.’

Niall opened the door so I can walk in, and thats what I did. Niall closed the door and walked to the livingroom and I followed him behind.

I saw Carmen sitting on a couch, and the boys and girls tried to find a emotion, but nothing came out, Eleanor, Perrie and Sophia all had tears streaming down there cheeks.

‘Guys, I really appriciate your help, but its not working, last time it didn’t work either with Celine so no wits not working at all.’ Carmen wispered. Everyone sighed. I was really confused.

‘Theres gotta be someway to help you.’ Liam said. Carmen shrugged.

‘Don’t know Liam, but I know its different than last time.’ She said, and everyone looked at Celine who shrugged, ‘This time I enjoy the pain, pain is something deep and real, so pure and gentle, feeling happy is something in your cheeks, feeling sad is something you feel deep down, so strong it can make your heart break. It can make you loose control, it is powerful, you feel nothing, you feel so much when you feel nothing at all. But then again I love it.’

‘Thats deep.’ Sophia said, and everyone nodded.

‘I am gonna change, be right back.’ She said, stood up and walked to her room, everyone looked at me, angry.

‘What the hell are you doing here?!’ Eleanor said.

‘Trying to figure out, whats going on.’ I said again, Perrie started crying again and Zayn tried to comfort her.

‘Really, you really want to know whats going on?’ Louis asked, holding back Eleanor. I nodded my head.

‘Carmen is going through a depression again, but this time its because of you! She didn’t cope it well when you didn’t keep your promise the first 2 weeks, but now its only going worse.’ Celine said, shaking her head. All the color of my face is gone by now.


Because of me?

My thoughts were cut off by Carmen walking down stairs, her hair in a pony tail, short shorts, and a long sleeve shirt. Everyone looked at her wide eyed, not knowing what to say anymore.

~Carmens POV.

My wrists still hurts a little, but I can feel it again, and thats good. Yes I cut again, but if you would feel it, you would do the same. That voice in my head that make my insecureties come up is there again, but worser. I walked down stairs, after I changed and… you know what I mean.

. Everyone looked wide eyed at me.

I don’t understand.

‘Show your wrists, Carmen!’ Louis said, and walked to me, I looked at him and shook my head, not a good choice, he pulled up my sleeves and everyone looked at eachother. I yanked my arm away from him.

‘Why Carmen, we try to help you!’ Zayn asked.

‘Maybe because I don’t want your guys fucking help!’ I spatted, ‘I don’t want your guys help, because nothing is gonna help afterall, why would you guys care anyways.’

‘Fine then, why do we do this actually?’ Niall asked Liam.

‘Because we just feel pity for you.’ He asnwered with a smirk, and everyone did the same. I sighed, walking to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, and filled it with water.

‘Don’t eat too much, we don’t want you to be fat!’ Louis yelled and I heard some laughing. I walked back to were to the boys stand and slowly drank my glass of water, raising both my eye brows. The laughter stoppped when they saw I was just drinking water.

I just finished and burped, I mean who cares.

‘Didn’t you learn some manners?’ Liam asked. I shrugged.

‘Not if you dad was drunk that time.’ I mumbled under my breath.

‘What was that, we can’t hear you if you talk so low.’ Louis said, and they laughed again.

‘Really, wanna know?’ I asked and they shrugged, ‘Well, I have no manners for you, because my dad was drunk that time.’ I spat and Celine and Harry raised their eyebrows. I walked back to my room, and cried. I feal weak, but can’t care anymore, I just lost my 9 best friends.





They just can’t stop, I screamed, cried and put on my music as loud as it could. I feel horrible.


So sorry, for not updating, so thats why I made this one extra long, hope you like it.

Love ya babes.

xxx xCarryx

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