Sparrow's Reviews

Hello! This, like many others, is a review movella. The first chapter will have more details, so, don't be shy, read on!


2. Torn Apart by Raven711 and Somegirl13

First off, critiques. There wasn't anything major I noticed, and I really like the plotline. The characters are interesting (especially the Grandmothers and Aunts, they're really cool and remind me of Muthr from The Search for WondLa), and I can't wait to see what comes next.

For the little things, I believe you misspelled 'twin' as 'town' in the second chapter. Also, 'upstairs' as in "He mouths upstairs and points," should be in quotes. Indent before "I heard the whole message..." so that the dad talking doesn't look so odd and out of place. The sentence "While inside my head is are in different ideas now knowing that I have a sister" is very confusing; you may just want to scrap it or integrate it into another sentence. In Gwen's part of the third chapter, you let your grammar get a bit out of control, but I'm not going to point out everything.

All in all, this is a great movella with a unique storyline, characters, and plot. There are a few grammar/spelling mistakes, but they're easily fixed and don't affect the storyline.

Spelling/Grammar: 8

Plot: 10

Creativity: 10

Overall: 9 1/3

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