Sparrow's Reviews

Hello! This, like many others, is a review movella. The first chapter will have more details, so, don't be shy, read on!


3. Insomnia by Bathroom Singer

NOTE: This movella is a One Direction fanfiction for ages 14 and over, as it does contain cursing. Please keep that in mind.

Overall, this is a good story. I'm not sure exactly why the girl is a mute, but you may explain that in future chapters. The plot is also very common (the fact that one can meet a member of One Direction if they are simply in the right place). One major grammar error is that there are many times where pluralization is missing, which makes the story very confusing and hard to read. I've taken the liberty of correcting a few in the hopes that you'll catch the rest:

"... of her own daughter, who does nothing but paint..."

"Her few major human figures were already hits..."

You also have a few disagreements with the verb tense (past, present, future).

"Surprised by her behavior, the woman gasped..."

Also, there are places where commas are needed, but I think you can find those out for yourself.

All in all, a good movella, a slightly common plot, and many spelling/grammar mistakes, but nothing not easily fixed.

Spelling/Grammar: 7

Plot: 10

Creativity: 8

Overall: 8 1/3

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