I look into that same mirror again....
Just staring at my reflection....
Why can't I just be normal?
I just don't understand anymore........
I slowly get dressed in a black veil brides top and black skinny jeans with some converse, my favorite outfit.
But I had to go to school.
It's like my own personal torture chamber....
*six minutes later*
I look up....
Here comes trouble /:
"Hello" I say in a scratchy voice
"Who said you could fucking talk to me you whore"
"I was just responding to your rude comment"
"What the hell ever! Get lost ugly slut"
"Everything I've ever done to you to make you treat me this way" I said low and in a raspy voice....
"Shut the hell up"
"I just wanted to say sorry"
Rolling her eyes, which were coated in makeup, she turns around and leave me standing there looking like a fool....
I slowly turn around and head towards my locker........
I heard little snickers behind me, I knew what was going on....
Not again I think....
They just keep doing this ugh!!!
Why can't they just leave me alone?!
I walk up to my locker and just stare at it....
I stare at the fake blood on the outside and the knives and glass taped to the front if it
Why must they consistently torture me?!?!
This always happens to me, I might as well just open it and let them have their fun........
*slowly opens locker*
*black paint and pigs blood are popped all over my face*
Oh.... There it is.
They do this every week or so....
Just whenever they feel like it........
I turn around, face red, hair covered in pigs blood and black paint, I hear snickering....
Of course........ It was her
I should have known.
The girl who constantly ruins my life.
It's like she was built to destroy me........
I look around....
Even though I should be used to this by now I'm not.
"I need to go home" I mumble under my breath........
"What's that?" Lacey says.
"Nothing" I said quietly....
"ITS NOTHING?" She said louder
*Lacey walks by and shoves me into the lockers*
Knowing me I had to let my stupid emotions take over....
*a single tear slips down my cheek*
Everyone stares and busts out laughing at me as I let more tears fall down my pale face........
I slam my locker door shut and turn around running out of the doors to the school.
I sprint down the road not looking back once.
I run all the way until I get home and I burst through my front doors.
I run upstairs almost falling as I try to get to my room.
That's what I need.
*grabs iPod and puts in earphones*
"Great" I think....
Of course this song is playing.
Hold on till May was blasting in my ear buds....
I didn't bother to change it....
After all it was the song keeping me from doing it again................
I closed my eyes and just thought................
* why am I so ugly? Why can't I just be pretty like Lacey? Why am I so fat? Why can't I just have a perfect hour glass figure like her? Why can't I be as liked as her? Is it because I don't bully everyone who looks at me? Is it because I'm a freak?*
The thoughts were just too much.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I slowly push the covers off of my body and sit up in the bed.
I just keep thinking that maybe everything is right about me.
Maybe I am what they say.
I calmly get up.
Knowing what is next.
I slowly and steadily walk to my bathroom.
I reached around the corner and switched on the light.
I looked around.
I turn around heading back to bed remembering that I left it under my bed.
I crouch down to the floor and pull up the ruffles.
There it is.
Sitting in the box.
I slowly pull the box out from under my bed, letting a tear slip, knowing this wouldn't solve anything.
But it helped me.
It just took most of my pain away.
I stopped thinking just then.
All I remembered was them saying I was better off dead.
They were right.
I go to the bathroom and run really warm water in the sink.
Putting in the plug as I pull a wash rag out from under the cabinet.
I look down.
No one is home....
I can do this........
I slowly slip into a trans.
And all of a sudden SHE takes over.
The other me who looses control and causes things like this to happen.
I could feel the cold white tile beneath my feet.
I breath slowly.
I look down and as I hold the razor to my wrist, more thoughts go through my head........
*Your such a looser, just some freak everyone hates, why can't you just fit in? Your so pathetic! Your just a mistake!!!!*
I've had enough.
I slowly pressure the razor into my wrists and drag it down my arm.
Pouring down my arm.
Falling onto the floor.
Staining the white tile.
I can't do it.
I can't let them win like this.
You got this Starr.
You are beautiful.
You are smart.
You are skinny.
*voices inside of head*
Your ugly as fuck.
Your stupid and everyone hates you.
Your so fat and it's pathetic!
Your a whore.
Your better off dead.
Your such a mistake.
I finally snap back into reality....
They are right.
You know it Starr.
Everyone knows it.