2. The Boyfriend
In year 9 it came to your boyfriend, Derek. He’s a dick and I don’t know why you ever went out with him all he did was make you cry.
The first day I saw you together I wanted to push him against the wall and strangle him until there was no air left in his lungs. But, I didn’t. I didn’t because of you, I didn’t want you to get mad at me and hate me. I wanted you to love me but you didn’t even notice me.
The only good thing about Derek is that he made you come out of your shell, he made you smile and talk to more people. I loved your smile. Your smile shined so bright that my heart instantly flipped over every single time I saw it. Why can’t you feel the same way about me? Why can’t you love me?! Why did you never love me?! I never understood it, I tried so hard and you didn’t even notice. That year I was diagnosed with bipolar and I got medication for it but I ignored the medication for you. I thought that it would take away my feelings for you, I didn’t want my feelings to be stolen from me. I wanted you to realise that I have feelings for you.
You were completely avoiding me then. I wanted you to talk to me, I wanted you to kiss me, I wanted you to be with me. You had no idea of my feelings. I hate you for that. I will always love you. I started following you home. You didn’t realise because you were too busy talking with your stupid boyfriend. I got a camera for my birthday and I started taking pictures of you walking home and with your family. Your brother, Joe, almost caught me so I ran away but promised I’d be back. I’ll always be back for you.
Derek made me happy. He made me feel like a normal person unlike everyone else who treated me like I was a time bomb who was going to blow at any second. He had been a great friend of mine for a while and Joe adored him and I just thought that our relationship was perfect for a couple of 14 year olds. Michael didn’t like him of course, I didn’t talk to him but he shot daggers at him with his eyes. It made me feel really uncomfortable. I didn’t tell Derek about my worries in case he completely went mental on Michael.
A rumour went round about Michael that he had bipolar. He confirmed the rumours in front of the year in assembly and he acted like nothing had happened afterwards. People said that he had medication but he was so mental that he didn’t take it. I didn’t think that, I just thought that he was in denial. I was for a while about my anxiety but panic attacks make it real.
I was starting to get terrified. He was following me home, he was an actual stalker. An actual stalker. I knew that I had to tell someone, anyone, but I just couldn’t. Maybe it was because I liked the attention or because I was scared that Michael would get mad if I told anyone. Either way I wasn’t going to tell anyone just yet.