I never wondered what it felt like to be in a coma. I never had to, thank God. If I had imagined it, I pictured it as an empty void darkness. Nothing more, nothing less. I imagined being isolated. Not able to hear, see, smell. All of your senses would freeze, so cold they couldn't work. I guess at some points I was curious, but I never wanted to find out what it truly felt like. Well, I guess it wanted me because I've been here. Several, several months. The same dingy hospital bed, and the same dirty gown stuck to my body. The way I had imagined it to be was all wrong. You can hear, you just can't respond. Or move. It's like you're trapped inside of your own prisoner and the small little version of yourself inside of the real-life you is helpless. Your shouts and tears are useless because nobody can hear you.
I heard the voices again. no doubt a doctor. Or a nurse but at this point, I wasn't picky with detail. I listened intently to their conversation and what they talked about made my heart stop. Almost literally, but not quite because in fact, the heart monitor was still annoyingly beeping. The sounds were almost static and kind of fuzzy but I made the most important words out.
It went something alone the lines of She's been in a coma for eleven months. Taking her off life support. Where's the blonde guy? He left a few months ago.
Blonde guy? Were they talking about Niall? He wouldn't have left, he couldn't have. Is it even possible to be in a coma for so long? Questions swirled in my head, eventually spiraling into a cyclone I was unable to handle properly. I wanted to scream, cry and break down but I knew it would be for nothing. Little by little the cyclone was shredding my sanity until I was left with nothing but craziness. Insanity. See? I'm already talking like I'm insane.
Suddenly, one sentence I had heard processed through my brain and I finally understood everything. Taking her off life support. I was near dead and they were going to pull the plug on me. At this moment, I felt tears swell in my eyes, dripping down onto my cheeks.
"Oh my Goodness, she's crying! She's awake!" I heard a lady yell, and I could hear a rampage of people hurry into my room. I was crying on the outside too? I hope not as horrid as on the inside. The chorus of voices and shouts made me cringe but it brought a smile to my lips. I wasn't going to die. They would do what they could to revive me. I felt many things go on and I tried to pry my eyes open. After several minutes, slowly my left eye slowly opened.
I heard gasps emit from their mouths, a doctor calling in another to run tests and help me with my health. The light was blinding but I was more focused on the fact on how the gown was stuck to my body. I hated it. I would have complained but one thing snagged my memory.
"W-Where's Niall?" I asked weakly, my voice hoarse and low. The nurses and doctors exchanged a knowing look which caused me to sit up abruptly. A lady rushed to gently press my shoulders, making sure I didn't strain myself. I looked around in panic, desperate to find the fluffed blonde hair and ocean blue eyes I missed so much.
"I'm sorry to inform you. Niall left a few months ago. He never returned." She informed me and I might have actually stopped breathing. If it weren't for the oxygen flowing through the tube, into my nose I would have passed out. I shook my head in denial, unwilling to accept he left. He said he'd always stay by my side. I believed him. Was this some cruel joke? Was he waiting outside with flowers and chocolate? No, this wasn't a movie. It was reality.
My cry began as just a sour face but it soon turned into a loud sob which suddenly burst from my lips. I folded into tears, a nice nurse trying to comfort me as she rubbed my back soothingly. I wanted to be mad at Niall but I couldn't. He told me not to mess around so I wouldn't get hurt and I did. Eleven months was a long time and he never had the obligation to wait. Slowly my cries came to an end and I was left, feeling broken and betrayed. I wonder if he ever thought about the girl he left. After all we did date, but you know what they say. If your girlfriend slips into a coma, you should leave her with nothing. Oh, wait a minute...
"When can I go?" I asked quietly, wanting to get away from this bed. This gown. This hospital. Only then did I notice the cast on my leg. I looked down at it, the doctor following my gaze before responding.
"You were supposed to get that off a long time ago, I don't know why it's still there! We'll take it off, run some tests and you can go home tomorrow morning!" He answered as I nodded uneasily. How would my parents feel seeing me? Even though they couldn't because one was out of country, the other in jail. My friends? If I had any left which I highly doubted. The doctor recorded a few things before walking out and calling somebody in. Apparently they would remove this cast. The bed bars beside me were pressed down and I didn't pay great attention but soon enough, this torturous thing was off. My leg felt odd and squished but I ignored the different feeling. Everything about me felt different.
The wait until the next morning seemed infinite but eventually it came. The sun shined through the small window on the wall, creating a square of light on the floor. I embraced my last moments in this hospital, because as much as I hated it, living in the real world would be more challenging and difficult. It seemed like days, not minutes before I could leave. I waited patiently for my parents to arrive but then I remembered something crucial. One, my father is in another country on army duty. Two, my mom is in jail. I was okay with driving myself but due to my new found awakeness I was told to take a cab. I rejected at first but a sharp pain in my torso told me to shut up and agree.
I was able to change into some spare clothes they found me, which looked horrid but it was better then walking around with your butt on display for everybody's convenience. Apparently the only thing hospitals have are hideous pajama shorts and oversized t-shirts. The off white shorts barely reached low enough to cover anything and the over-sized shirt reached just above that. I sighed, slipping into the slipper like shoes they had given me, pulling my hair into a ponytail. Eleven months of being at deaths doorstep and I still look like shit. My face was bare of makeup, my hair knotty and tangled.
My body was sticky and I needed a shower in order to wipe the feel of those sheets off of me. The cab soon arrived and I was being escorted down the to the door. Everybody bid me a final goodbye before I closed the door, telling the driver where to go. A gas station. If I couldn't have some real food and a nice drink right this minute, I might go insane. He found the nearest one, as i hurried out and into the store. The sight of all the food laid out before me brought a grumble to my stomach. I stuffed four different kind of bags of chips into my left arm, gathering the whole box of skittles in my other. I struggled to carry a bottle of water to the counter, picking up a pack of gum along the way. The guy rang everything up and as I was paying, I heard the door open. I paid no attention as I was more interested in my food but a voice stopped me.
"Cassandra?" I heard a familiar accent speak, the tears returning to my eyes.
"Niall?" I asked turning around, gasping and dropping my wallet when I saw it really was him.