That summer I went to a camp and made friends with a girl named Emma- who quickly figured out some of my ... 'Problems'. She was sweet. I quickly sent her a music video I liked- she didn't answer me and sometimes she answered to those. I liked the song pretty well. I clicked off my phone before putting on a Bring Me To The Horizon song, waiting for Emma to reply. To my surprise, she didn't.
A girl sat next to me at the lunch table. I new her name but I'd never had a conversation with her. Her name was Abigail, I think.
"Hi," I said, and she smiled at me.
"Hey," she replied. We stayed silent for a few seconds before she added: "I like your shoes."
"Thanks!" I said, smiling. I put my lunchbox on the floor but I got on my water first. I wasn't that hungry again.
"Whose the band on it?" Abigail asked.
"My Chemical Romance," I said to her without looking at my shoes.
"Oh yeah! I've heard of that one!" I smiled a real smile at her and she smiled back.
"So what shows do you like to watch?"
It turned out we both liked the same type of shows. We sat talking for all of lunch and whispered back and forth during class.
"So Abigail," the teacher said. "What's your science experiment going to be on?"
"It's going to be on if writing makes you depressed." She said bluntly. I looked over at her in interest. I knew she wrote a lot. I tilted my head to the side in wonder.
"Hey, it's Abigail. So I was wondering if we could trade numbers or something? Thanks."
Friend? Someone wants to be my friend!
A huge smile spread across my face. She had gotten in touch by a website on our school. I answered as fast as I could, warmth tingling in my fingers and my toes and then waited for her to answer. She answered the next morning, and we texted all through-out the day.
Me: so I wanted to say about your science experiment- writing doesn't cause depression, people with depression turn to writing for escape.
Abigail: oh! I hadn't thought about it that way! Good thinking
Me: more of experience, honestly.
I sent it and then blinked. Why did I send that?! She'll think I'm a freak! I don't even know her that well! Why did I just-
I looked at my phone, fear of what it said surging through me.
Abigail: same, actually.
I blinked. She didn't think I was a weirdo. She didn't hate me.
And yet now I realize that if I could change any moment ever in the history of the world, I would have never spoken a word to her.