I watched as Abigail slowly drifted away from me, spending weeks with Ginny Lynn and Maddison and not paying half a mind about me. Talking to me on the phone and ignoring me when I say hi in class. I sat all alone at lunch, picking at my food as Ginny Lynn told a story, and I felt tears start to prick at my eyes.
No stop it, don't you dare cry, don't you dare!
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my palms as I tried to control them but without any warning I felt one burn down my cheek.
Stop it! My mind screamed at me as I dug out a napkin in my lunch box and tried to get them to stop coming out.
"You okay?" Someone whispered, leaning over the empty chair between me and them. I nodded and smiled.
"Just something in my eye," I lied, dabbing at them again. The person shrugged and continued talking to their friend.
I didn't look up as I heard Ginny Lynn's story start to come to a close, people laughing at whatever she said, as I shoved my napkin and lunchbox under my seat. Before I got a close-up of Someone's boobs as they pushed me up to their chest, rocking me back and forth. I blinked rapidly, all thoughts of crying out of my mind, now replaced with confusion and awkwardness. The lunch room silenced as all eyes turned to me, except Abigail's that were now everted to the ground.
"It's all okay," Ginny Lynn's voice whispered into my ear, and I wrinkled my nose at the sudden strong odor of onions. Humus.
"I know you think that being hurt will make people love you but it won't," she continued, still rocking me back and forth. I felt anger start to build up, replacing the confusion. I glared into the back of Abigail's head, panic eating away at me. She told. She freaking TOLD!
"You need to turn to Jesus. " I heard in my ear. Excuse me?!
So, let's all be quite clear on this.
We were in a Christian school.
We have all turned to Jesus.
"Only he can take away your pain." The stench of onions suddenly got stronger as she rubbed my back. My personal bubble felt like it had not been popped- but absolutely exploded. Into a million pieces. With tons of false lyes being thrown at me. What?
"Living like this isn't healthy, people will only hurt you. You can't rely on people." ... I didn't even know what to think now.
"You can't just seek people's attention-" I suddenly stood up, panic filling me to the brim. I need to leave or I'll blow up.
I left the lunch room without looking in anyone's way, even though everyone was staring. I ran to the bathroom, slamming open a stall and slamming my fist into the cool walls of it.
"That bitch," I hissed to myself, tears spilling down my face as I fought to contain hiccups. I never cuss. Never. It's not that I have something against it, I just never do. This yanked it out of me, though. "She told, Abigail told, she told..." I heard the bathroom door open and sucked in my breath, waiting for whoever it was to speak.
"Are you okay?" I heard Ginny's voice ask. I let out an angry growl that seemed to come from deep within me, I sounded like a mad animal, but panic and anger and confusion ripped it from me. But it didn't scare her off. That brave soul really....
I peered from the crack and felt like burning up right then and there.
"What..." I whispered, banging open the door and staring at her. "Where did these thoughts of yours even come from?!"
I whispered part of it and yelled the rest, heat rising to my face as I started to shake.
"Jesus told me," she breathed, her eyes becoming huge and innocent and a large smile spreading across her face. Oh so Abigail is your Jesus now huh?
And that was as much as I remembered before my complete panic made me forget everything after that.
I sat down. Ginny Lynn returned to talking to her sister. I didn't remember ever looking in a mirror though I wished I could have, judging by everyone's looks I still had tear stains on my face.
"Hey, are you okay?" Abigail came over, asking me.
"You leave me ALONE." I said to her. I sat with my knees to my chest for the rest of lunch, shivers racing up an down my spine as horror enveloped me in a hug.
"Abigail," I said, coming up to her as people left for lunch.
"Did you... Did you tell her?" Another violent shiver raced inside of me, causing my hands to shake.
"No, I would never..." She whispered, giving me a gigantic hug.
And I was such an idiot.
Because I believed her.