"Hi Mrs. Harris this is Charlotte." I said
"Oh hello dear, how are you?"
"I'm alright, I was wondering if you had a moment to talk."
"Of course, is everything alright?"
"Well, sort of.You see I've been dating a man, and he's the first real person I've dated since James and I really do like him..."
"But you feel guilty about liking him."
Does everyone know how to read me?
"Yes.." I said sheepishly.
"Charlotte are you worried, you can't be happy because of James?"
"That is exactly right, I'm afraid."
"Oh Dearest, there's no need to feel like that, James loved you. He'd want you to be happy."
"Its just I feel like it's my fault he's gone, and that if I'd done something different he'd be here."
"Darling, thing's happen for a reason, they may not make sense, but even if so James would want you to be happy."
"I just want him to tell me that it's okay to move on." I sighed.
"Charlotte you must understand James loved you, and he wanted to make you happy. I don't think he would have wanted you to be so sad and grieve over him like this. Did you ever read that letter he left you?"
"No, I hadn't. It brought back too many memories."
Well dear you must read it!" Jane laughed on the other line. "Trust me! No wonder you're so undone about it all."
I was a little taken back but I shook it off as I hung up with Mrs. Harris
I tossed the phone aside and pulled out the black box once again and dug out the letter he'd left for me. Carefully I opened the envelope and pulled out the slightly crumpled paper, and read James' letter.
"My Darling Charlotte,
These are my vows to you, may you ever need them for a laugh or smile or in a form of comfort be sure to read.
There are many things in this world, there are many people in this life, but there is only one you. I made a promise to you as we look out into our future that I would always love you. Darling you and I both know that we can't live forever. So I want you to know that when the time comes, if I go before you, I want you to find happiness in any form you can. I couldn't bear knowing that you would grieve for me. If you were to leave me I know you'd want me to be happy as well Charlotte I love you, and I can't wait to see what the future holds, no matter what I am here for you always. Be happy my love, the beginning is just around the corner.
I closed my eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks. I set down the letter and for a minute I thought. So many years I'd been afraid to love and all along he'd wanted me to be loved and love back. He wanted me to be happy. I knew now that he was okay, and that he loved me and he wanted me to be happy. Looking up at my ceiling I raised my fist and laughed.
"You bugger, could have told me this sooner you know!" and I laughed for the first time in a month, and it felt like a whole weight had been lifted off my shoulders once and for all.
The next morning I headed out for work and smiled at all my friends. They were happy to see me alive and well, mostly alive. I had no real work that day, but I still sat in my office just replying to everyone's emails. Several from my mother, my sister's, a thousand from Victoria, and a few from my brothers. But in the midst of all those there were emails from Art. I didn't want to see them, but I knew I wasn't being fair. I finally gave in and opened the first one.
You are the light of my life,so repetitive of other love letters I know, but you have to know how much I truly care for you. I'm so sorry I hurt you, they were out of confusion of anger. I thought the love you had for me was over shadowed by the love you had for another man. I realize now that the love we have for each other is too powerful to over shadow. I can only hope that you still feel the same....etc.
(4/10) "Dear Charlie,
I hear you cry everyday and it breaks my heart. Your mother calls but I never answer, I know when you are ready to talk that you will come out. Jax is still missing you when we sit or play ball, but he is patient just as I am. I will love you forever and wait for as long as I live....etc.
(10/10) "Dear Charlotte,
I know I probably messed up, but I will love you forever and always.
They went on like that I and I wanted to reply back, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Finally before I was let out Ezra came to my office and handed me a slip of paper.
"They're closing the Ask Andy column, they want you to focus more on a new label for Texas Tribune. Mark wanted you on the job, but I thought you might wan to answer this last request."
I nodded as I took the paper. I couldn't believe I was asked to do the biggest project of my career. I opened my word doct, and looked at the piece of paper then gasped.
"Dear Charlie, this was the only way I could get you to listen or read in this case. I love you more than anything and I would give anything for you to talk to me again.
Sincerely A Hopeless Romantic"
I closed my computer and turned around only to scream because Ezra was standing right behind me the whole time.
"That's the longest you've ever been quiet!" I laughed.
"Oh shut up, know go get him!" he joked as he handed me my purse.
I nodded and ran out the door all the way to my house, I had some serious apologizing to do, I just hope I'm not too late.