All I could see was darkness. Despite the fact that that was all I could see, it's peaceful. There's nothing to think about except for the peace and nothingness. Is this was death is like? Peaceful and dark?
I had always hoped that death would bring me back to my parents where we could live, well, exist together again. I called out for them occasionally, but all that responded was complete, and utter silence.
"Mom?" I called.
"Dad?" I tried again.
Okay, this may have been peaceful for the first five minutes, but now it's driving me mad. How could I possibly be here all alone?
Well, if you weren't prepared for the consequences, maybe you shouldn't have tried to end your life. My inner conscience said.
Wait- Did it, did I just say tried? Was I not successful? Am I really still alive?
If so, why the hell couldn't I see anything? And why couldn't I feel anything. I tried to move my body, but all I got was a tingling sensation throughout my body.
"Toni?" A familiar male voice called out, the voice sounded shaky and pained.
"Give it up, mate." Another voice said.
"She'll wake up when she's ready." Another said.
"Hello?" I called.
Considering I didnt get a response, I came to the conclusion that nobody could hear me.
"We're going to go get something from the cafeteria, do you want anything?" The second voice from before had asked, most likely towards someone else.
"No thanks, mate. I'm going to stay here with Zayn until she wakes up." A voice responded.
"Well...alright. Let us know if anything happens, yeah?"
In the distance I heard a door close and someone grumble.
"That's just Zayn," the familiar voice said," he's been waiting for you to wake up for the last two days."
Then who are you?
Really, are you that stupid that you can't remember anything? My conscience said.
Why can't I remember?
I thought really hard and though of all the people I knew.
Dan! ...but none of those voices belonged to him.
Harry! He was definitely one of the voices that came from the people that left.
Niall! I would've known by his thick Irish accent almost immediately if he was here.
It can't be Zayn because the voice said that he was sleeping.
And I could almost guarantee that the other person that had left was Louis, his high pitched voice would've registered quickly.
Liam!! That deep, sensitive, but pained voice belonged to Liam.
Why does he sound so-
He's the one who snapped at you remember? You were the idiot to use his words as fuel to put yourself here.
Liam?! That bastard had the audacity to be here and try to talk to me. If I could move, my first action would be to wrap my hands around his puny little nec-
"I'm so sorry, Toni." Liam sobbed, ripping me from my thoughts.
He sounded so hurt, and so guilt...
"I didn't mean for this to happen," he sniffled," I should've just kept my big mouth shut. You don't understand how sorry I am for this. I know that the doctors said that you'd be okay, and that you'd wake up soon...but I-I couldn't l-live with mys-self if something worse had happened. I-I c-couldn't l-live kn-knowing that I had h-hurt you." Liam sobbed and chocked on his tears as I felt a pressure on my hands, followed by drips of water hitting my hand. He's crying on my arm... I could feel it now. I can feel my arms now!
"Please forgive me Toni... I can't live with myself as it is knowing that I pushed you to this. I couldn't possibly live on this earth knowing that you hated me because I... I care about you." I felt his hand hold onto mine and squeeze mine gently.
"Please...come back to me, come back to us."
I tried my hardest to move my hands, but now they it felt like pins and needles were pricking every part of my body. I waited a minute for the tingling to go away before trying again, this time trying to squeeze Liam's hand back.
With great success I felt my fingers, and I felt them squeeze a hand- obviously Liam's.
"Toni?" He gasped.
I tried to move and this time I felt my other hand twitch a little.
"C'mon Toni... Open your eyes." Liam encouraged, squeezing my hand back.
I squeezed his hand back and felt my whole body begin to respond. I saw light shine through my closed eyelids and saw a shadow blocking a bit of the light. With great difficulty I got my eyes to open for a second before they closed involuntarily.
"C'mon...you can do this." Liam pushed.
"C'mon...you can do this." I encouraged as I saw Toni's eyes try to open.
I felt her hand squeeze mine for the third time as her eyes slowly opened. I gasped at the sight of her bright green eyes- most people thought that Harry's eyes were bright, but nobody's eyes could compare to Toni's gorgeous green orbs.
She momentarily closed her eyes and groaned as she stretched her muscles, almost like how a normal person wakes up in the morning.
When her eyes opened all the way this time I smiled.
"Liam?" Her raspy voice said as her eyes focused on me.
"I'm here." I nodded, coming closer to her and holding her hand tightly.
"God, you have no idea how long I've waited to see those beautiful eyes." I murmured quietly, not sure if she heard or not.
"Where am I?" She whispered.
"We're in the hospital...you've been unconscious for two days." I said quietly. The momentary happiness that had flooded me was now gone and replaced with guilt.
"I'm so sorry, Toni. Please forgive me."
"I heard," she paused to swallow," I heard everything you said."
My head snapped up to see her tired, but shining green eyes pearing into my brown ones.
"You did?" I asked, bewildered that she'd heard anything.
Hopefully the past few minutes was all she heard because I had told her a lot of embarrassing stuff over these past couple days. I told her that I fancied her, that I would kill myself if she didn't wake up, that I couldn't live without her here.
"You were the first person who's voice I tried to match." She explained vaguely.
"What does that mean?" I asked searching her eyes for an answer.
"You sounded so...hurt. I actually took the time and effort to try and figured out who you were. I'm so glad I remembered, at first I thought that I was dead...I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, and at first I couldn't hear a damn thing. It was so dark... and I felt so alone." I saw Toni's eyes glaze over as she continued.
"You're not alone... I'm right here." I scooted closer and held her fragile hand with both of mine.
"I'm so sorry Liam." Toni whispered as a tear escaped her eye.
I wiped it away quickly and stroked her cheek.
"Why should you be sorry, love? You didn't do anything wrong." I murmured.
" I should've listened to you... I should've let you explain.... I never should have walked away from you o-or yelled at you the way I did."
I watched in awe as the usually strong and girl broke down and, for once, seemed so broken and fragile. The way she squeezed my hand and held my gaze reminded me of a scared child, too scared to let go.
"It's not your fault Toni," I reassured her, rubbing circles over the back of her hand with my thumb," I should've never snapped or tried to control you. You had very right to be upset... I never should've said what I said that day."
Her hand suddenly left mine, just to reach up to my cheek and wipe a tear that I hadn't felt fall.
"Please...forgive me." I begged.
With this Toni cracked a smile smile and nodded.
"I forgive you." She whispered.
"How are you feeling? You sound exhausted." I asked.
"I feel so weak, and my throat is so dry. I can barely feel my legs and I... I feel so cold." Toni responded as her eyes closed, squeezing out the left over tears.
I stood up quickly and gently let go of her hand, using my free one to stroke her hair.
"I'll go get the doctor and grab you a water bottle on my way, okay?"
"Mmm." She hummed in response, nodding her head.
"Okay," I kissed her forehead softly and pulled away from her bed," I'll be right back."
As I walked away I kicked Zayn's chair just as I walked out of the door. I didn't like that he was asleep because his 'absence' would probably make Toni feel alone again.
Now to find that doctor...
I jolted away at the feeling of someone kick me.
The second I opened my eyes I saw that Liam was gone. I looked around quickly, but my eyes immediately stopped roaming as the fixed on Toni. I jumped out of me seat once I saw that her eyes were opened.
"Toni." I breathed out, smiling widely. I quickly smothered her face with kisses- everywhere but her lips- and felt over joyed at the sound of her giggle.
"Zayn," she laughed," stop."
I pulled back and laughed lightly as her hands batted me away.
"Well hello gorgeous!" I beamed.
I was so happy that she was awake. I had felt so sad and hurt knowing that she tried to hurt herself the way she did. However, the second I saw that she was awake the feeling was washed away by utter joy.
"Hi." She smiled weakly.
"Vas happenin'?" I asked in a funny voice, causing her to laugh again.
"I just woke up... Liam went to get the doctors and bring me some water." Toni replied.
She sounded very tired, and she looked so fragile. Despite this, her hair was pooled around her in curls and her green eyes shone bright.
"I love your hair," I complemented with a smile," I had no idea that it was curly."
With this Toni picked up a piece of her hair and twirled it in her fingers.
"I've always straightened it, I hate how curly it gets." She frowned, looking like a disappointed child.
"Well, I love it. You should leave it that way." I suggested.
To this she simply shrugged and dropped her hair from her fingers.
It was quiet for a moment as I searched for words.
"Hmm?" She hummed in response.
"Why did you do it?" I blurted.
She sighed, also pausing as if to search for words.
"I don't really know," she shrugged," the last thing I remember doing was looking at my pill bottle and thinking about how many I'd have to take before I fell asleep...permanently."
"Oh, Toni." I leaned over the bed and wrapped her in a quick hug.
"I hated how I felt like a burden... despite our conversation, my argument with Liam just reminded me that I was some charity case that you were stuck with." Toni's voice shook a little and I had a feeling that she was crying.
When I looked down, to no surprise, I saw tears stream from her eyes as she sniffled.
"You are no burden to me, or any of us for that matter." I assured her.
All I got as a response was Toni's nose sniffling again.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked, positioning myself so I could sit beside her, but still hold her against my side in an embrace.
She nodded her head as she layed it on my shoulder and closed her eyes, letting some tears slide down her cheeks.
"When we found you, unconscious, I was the first to assume the worse- besides Liam of course. He was literally paralyzed with fear when he saw that empty pill bottle." I shuddered at the memory before looking down to see Toni gazing back up at me.
"I picked you up and had Harry call the ambulance. When they came I was already I tears, I remember begging you to stay with me. Seeing you now, awake and aware, it erased every worry and filled me with utter joy. I could practically feel the happiness flowing out of Liam too."
"What are you going on about Zayn?" She asked me quietly.
"You mean the world to us now... We can't possibly go on without you now." I responded kissing the top of her head and rubbing her arms with my hand.
Just then the doctor walked in, followed closely by Liam and the other lads.
"Toni!" They exclaimed happily.
I heard her laugh slightly as they rushed over and engulfed her in a tight group hug. When everyone pulled away the doctor smiled at eveyone and waved to Toni.
"Hello Miss Medeiros, glad to see your awake. My name is Dr. Mark Shekler." The doctor said with a bright smile and kind eyes.
"Hello." Toni greeted back, sounding shy.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
At this question all eyes were on Toni, eager to hear her answer.
"Well," she sat up and cleared her throat," I'm definitely tired, but I feel really weak."
"The prescription that you overdosed on was meant to relax you muscles and slow down your mind to allow you to be calm. With it still being in your system, you're going to feel the aftermath of it for a couple more hours until it's completely flushed out." The doctor explained, the smile on his face disappearing the moment he said the word 'overdosed'.
We all watched as Toni looked down at her lap in shame and avoided out watchful eyes.
"However, with the amount of rest and stability you've had, you're leg seems to have healed miraculously. We would like to keep you overnight to monitor you, but if you want to go home we could have you our as soon as 8:30, maybe 8:45." The doctor continued.
"I understand that it's not our choice," Harry spoke up," but she lives with us and we really want to be sure she's okay before she comes home." The rest of us nodded in agreement with this statement and looked to Toni for assurance.
"Is there anything else that I should worry about?" She asked as she lifted her head to look back up at the doctor.
"You seemed to have hit your head on something, possibly from when you went unconscious...but nothing points to any signs of a concussion or anything major. If you start to have any major headaches or get dizzy suddenly, then we'll worry about it, but besides that you seem fine." Dr. Shekler responded reassuringly.
"The real question is; do you feel well enough to go home, or would you like to stay overnight and rest?" He asked.
"Would it be okay if someone stayed with me?" Toni said, answering his question with a question.
"I wouldn't normally allow this, but as many of them that want to stay are permitted to." The doctor responded reluctantly.
"Is that okay?" Toni asked, looking to each of us.
"Of course." We all chorused.
"Well then, all I have to ask is that you stay off of your feet and rest. The nurses with come in occasionally to check on you, and I'll be here to discharge you in the morning."
"Thank you Dr. Shekler." Toni smiled and nodded once.
"No problem," he turned to the door and paused before leaving," rest well."
With that he closed the door behind him and left us all alone.
"So...." Toni trailed off.
"SLEEPOVER!!" Louis exclaimed.
We all laughed at this and I scootched closer to Toni so the other lads could come sit with us.
Niall was the first to embrace Toni and rub her back.
"Good to have you back Toni." He smiled.
"It's good to be back." She said as she looked around the room and smiled brightly.