”Come on, Elena. You know you want this. Just stop denying it. I've seen the way you dress around the house. I've seen the way you look at me. Of course you want this.”
I feel the tears filling my eyes, as his hands travel south to unbuckle his belt. A big smile is placed on his lips, as he walks closer to the bed, throwing off his clothes on the way. My heart is beating way too fast to be healthy, and I'm shivering with fear. Every small step he's taking towards my bed, is making me feel even worse. This is really happening. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.
As his underwear comes off, I tear my gaze away from him and looks at my hands. They're holding my bed sheets as close to my body as possible, hoping they will be able to protect me against the terrible man coming towards me.
“Please don't do this,” I whisper, trying to make him reason with me. I have never meant to be coming on to him. He must have known that. But he doesn't care. I know he doesn't. He never does. Why would he start now?
“Oh, sweetheart, don't you worry. It's completely normal. Just think of how much you want this. I know you want this.”
He's now moving on to the bed, coming closer to me slowly. Whimpering, I close my eyes and pull the covers closer to my body. There's no way of me winning against him. He's older, he's stronger and he wants this. And I know there's no way of escaping, when he wants something. My mother taught me that, even though she didn't want to.
The cover is pulled violently from my body, and I feel my self tremble, as I'm only left in my underwear in front of him. His hungry gaze runs over my body, as he comes closer, his hand touching my thigh.
A tear slides down my cheek, as I feel his hand nearing the apex of my thigh. Oh God, I really don't want this. I really want to get away from him.
In one swift movement, his thumbs are hooked in my panties and he's taking them off, way too fast. I let out a sob, as they leave my body, making me feel even more naked. This is really happening, and there's nothing I can do about it.
As his body covers mine, I press my eyes tightly together, trying not to feel anything at all. I don't want to think about the way his erect member is pushing against my folds, I don't want to think about the way his breath is touching my neck, I don't want to think about the sounds his making, as his hands cups my premature breasts.
Instead I let my mind wander. I think about the way my mother used to hold me close, while we were watching TV. I think about the way Jeremy's laugh would fill the room, as he ran around with his toys, shouting words he had learned to speak. I think about the way my dad would come home and press a kiss to my mother's lips, greeting her with a silent whisper of love. I think about how happy I was, when we were by the falls, Jeremy and dad fishing, while mother and I prepared dinner.
But my fantasy is ripped apart, as a strong pain shoots through my whole body, originated from my abdomen. I let out a scream, cut off by the big hand clamped down on my mouth. I don't try to stop the tears anymore. I let them fall down my cheeks, as I try to return to my happy place. But I can't. His body is on me, inside me. I can't get away. I feel my chest tighten, as he let out sounds of pleasure. My breathing increases, as the sobs get louder, and his grip on my mouth tightens.
“Don't fight it, Elena. You know you enjoy this. I won't stop, just because you let out a few tears,” he says, his voice sounding breathy and way too light. I don't say anything, and I keep my eyes tightly pressed together. I don't want to watch him. I don't want to see his eyes, I don't want to see his face expression.
More tears falls down my cheek, as his pace quicken and his pants grow louder. It's coming to an end. Finally. I'm going to be away from him. He's going to return to his study, and I'm going to be alone. Alone to do the thing I love the most.
As he let out a gutteral sound, I feel myself getting filled. He hadn't worn protection! I let out a loud scream, as I recall the sexual education from school. No condom resulted in a baby. A baby I really don't want to have.
His hand is removed from my face, as he plants a kiss on my neck.
“Now, you have been a good girl and taken the pills I've given you. You will keep on taking those pills. Unless you want these encounters to turn into a child. You be a good girl, and stay right here. And you are not going to tell anyone about this. Do that, and you can kiss Jeremy goodbye.”
With that comment he's gone. He doesn't even bother putting on his clothes. As the door closes, I can hear the lock turning, indicating I'm trapped in my room. Little does he know that this is the only place I want to be. Because my room is the only place I'm able to escape from reality.
As I make my way off the bed, I see the blood on my sheets. No way I'm sleeping in those. But something has to be done, before I can even think about going to sleep. Shivering, I try to walk straight to the other end of my room. My knees buckle underneath me, making me feel weak as hell, but I'm not stopping. Not until I reach my desk, where my release is hidden.
The small blade shines in the light from my desk lamp. I've missed it. And now I'm going to be reunited with it, once again.
Sitting down on the chair, I let it tear through my skin, successfully making three cuts. As the pain reaches my body, I smile and close my eyes. Finally, I feel good. Finally, I feel home.