Everyday I think about the time I saw you in concert, hearing your voice, live, for the first time. My body felt as if the worlds gravity became 100x more powerful, but I felt weightless as if nothing was holding me down. I watching as you performed and laughed, the way you would fix your hair between verses. You would joke around with the boys, being yourself, being happy. It made me smile, to see the the thing, the person, the one that has kept my smile alive for so long, smile. You make me feel as if the days in the year are passing by with every breaking second, and every time I breath, months go by. Its the feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster, waiting for it to start, not knowing weather its a jerk, or a slow start but you don't care. The butterflies in your stomach when you say something embarrassing in front of everyone you care about. Its the pain of love, the absence of someone there to hold you, but you're filling it with the love of someone who will be there to sing to me. I don't ask for much, but I do ask for you to do me one favor; Don't change. Don't change your hair, or your clothes, or your face, or how you act. I want to look at you, years from now and say "He's still the one." And I fear that if you are to change one day, just by the simplest thing, like how you talk, that maybe the love for you will leave. I think its crazy, and unimaginable that I could stop loving you the way I do no matter what, but I love you for some reason, I don't love just anyone, I can't help but think that maybe its everything combined that makes the perfect feeling, the feeling of love. I think of a lot when you come to mind; Happiness, love, pain, my future and sometimes it saddens me. Knowing that I'm going to live my life, and you're going to live yours, by our selves, with these feelings, but their not because of me. It scares me how my future won't involve long movie nights in bed, cuddling with your curls tickling the back of my neck, or long car rides going anywhere but home, looking for a new adventure. And I think about you finding love, someone who isn't me, and I'll think about how you love her, with every ounce of emotion you have, and you will move mountains for her. You will start a family, and be happy, because you found someone who cares about you, and not your fame, or talent, or looks, but because of you, and how you see the world and how you act and how you treat her. You will have this family, of people you love, but you will never know how I've started my own, new and improved life because of you. I no longer feel as if the whole world is against me, but as if they're all rooting me on. I've been clean for almost a year now, because of you. I haven't picked up one razor, haven't saved one pill. I haven't brought a fist to my body in months. My bruises and cuts, and scars have all healed and faded, I'm a new person. I like to swim, and sing even though I'm terrible. I like movies, and talking to my friends, I sleep now, I haven't had a symptom of insomnia in a year now. I haven't put my fingers down my throat, and I eat now. I'm me, not what was consuming me, and its because of you. You helped me to come through at the top, at such a tough time in my life. I thank you for that, and everything you will do in the future.
Although I think about your future, I think about mine as well. I think about how powerful the love I must feel for my soul mate, if you aren't it. I think about what he's going to be like, and what were going to do, where were going to live. Will we have traditions? Will I be better then my parents? Will we teach our kids the right way? These things pass my mind everyday, knowing that its going to come one day, sooner or later. I think about the bad side of it some times. Will he leave me? Will he hit me? What if he doesn't love me? And I think about how I'm going to take care of it, what I'm going to do, because one day you aren't going to be one click away on twitter, you will be away, you will drop of the face of the Earth to be with your family. Thinking about the day I won't have you hurts, and I get lost. I love you Harry Styles, I always have and always will, you make the sun shine brighter, and the moon have more beauty. You are the stars in the sky, and the flowers in the ground, you are a babies laugh, you are fresh made bread on a sunday morning, you are the smiles of the people in the world. You are my love, and that will never fade.
Just another fan.