When I finally made it inside my family's house, I collapsed into Shaun's arms. "Oh my god. Carter, honey, what happened to you? Who's clothes are that? Why are you breathing so heavily?" One after another words spilled from his mouth. "I got into a fight with Kit." I answered in panting breaths. I haven't realised how tired Shaun's eyes were. The skin sagged over the dull green eyes of his that used to be so bright. His brow furrowed as he asked, "how did you get stitches?" I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to be interrogated. "Now is not a good time, Shaun. I'm really hurting. I need some sleep." I slightly slurred the words as I tried to push passed his tall body. "Carter, you've got to stop pushing people away." He called after me. I pretended not to hear him and continued up to my bedroom. The sun had just began to set, allowing deep shades of orange and red to peel through the curtains of my balcony and colour my room like an autumn leaf. I heard the buzz of my phone and saw Niall's face pop up. I press ignore and limp into the bathroom where I collapsed onto the floor in heavy breaths and my heart in my throat. I covered my eyes in some way hoping it'd stop the tears from pouring off my cheeks, but they did anyway with my silent panting. I couldn't help it anymore. I pulled scissors from the cabinet and connected the silver blade to my already scarred up skin.
By the time I finally pulled myself off the floor, it was late at night. I decided to shower off the blood that now covered my arms. I counted the cuts as the water dripped across them in small beads. 38. Thirty-eight long cuts lined my arms and my legs. I didn't feel the pain of the cuts but instead the pain in my heart. Was I really that messed up? Why was I such a fuck up!? Why couldn't I be good enough? I was frustrated with my imperfections, and I was frustrated for yelling at Niall. I tried to push Niall from my thoughts and shut off the water. I got ready for bed and looked the time; 1 o' clock in the morning. I only bothered to throw on an oversized black t-shirt and crawl into bed. I didn't fall asleep yet though. I watched my bedside clock tick to 3:14 when I heard the click of my balcony door. I didn't look though. I didn't care. I suddenly felt the bed shift and smelled that familiar scent. "Don't act like you don't know I'm hear." Niall mumbled. I rolled over to only see the reflection of the moon on his bright blue eyes. I couldn't help but to start crying in his arms. "I'm sorry." I said in between sobs. Niall quieted me down with a soft kiss and a strong embrace. His lips stayed on my skin for a long time. "Carter." He mumbled tracing the cuts on my arms with one hand and his other stroking the ones on my legs gently. "Please stop doing it. You're my everything and I... I don't want to lose you." His voice wavered as he hugged my skin. "I'm sorry." Was all I said.
I began to drift into a sleep. Something felt like Niall kissing my neck softly. The next thing that happened took me by surprise. His breath was warm as it laid on the skin of my neck as he whispered, "I think I love you, Carter." I pretended not to hear him and breathed in a soft pattern until I was asleep.
The next morning I woke to the feeling of someone softly biting my neck making me giggle in a way. "What's so funny?" Niall's voice was raspy and soft. "Nothing. I'm just not used to waking up to someone chewing on my neck." I say sarcastically and turn to face the handsome blond laying in my bed. "You have bed head." He chuckled and ruffled my curls making my nose scrunch up. I put my head against his chest and he stroked my hair. "You know it's like three in the afternoon, right?" He asked. "Yeah I guess." I laughed. "Carter?" I hear Dylan call my name. "Shit. Hide. Balcony. Now." I whisper to Niall. "Carter, who are you talking to?" Dylan calls through the door. I push Niall to the balcony door and pretend to talk on the phone. "Y-yeah I'm doing better. Thanks. Bye." I pretend to hang the phone up when Dylan opened the door. "Who was that?" He asked suspiciously. "Kate from golf." I try to play it off. "Wow. Kit did jack you up. I swear when I see him I'll kill him." He balled his hands up into fists. "I'm fine, Dyl. What do you need?" It sounded ruder than intended. "Sorry, Shaun and I have to leave again this afternoon since I have another American Society College interview today." I nodded, "okay. Be careful. Good luck." I hugged him as he left the room. Niall peeked his head in through the door, "He's gone. You can come in now." I giggle. He nods and steps back into the dark room. I opened the bathroom door and felt Niall squeeze my bum making me yelp and scowl at him. He smirks and tries to follow me into the bathroom. I giggle, "What do you think you're doing?" Niall simply answers, "I need to shower."
"Not while I'm in here you don't, big boy." Niall chuckles. "C'mon, it'll save water." He winks. "And plus... I think you might need some help... Washing up." He bites his lip and looks me up and down. I nearly stutter when I answer back, "Okay, fine."
When I stepped under the steaming water I suddenly felt self conscious. "You've never showered with someone before?" Niall questions. I nod, "This is my first time, y-yeah." I don't know why I was so worried. I guess the events from Kit still scare me. As Niall stepped toward me, I stepped back. He had a confused look on his face and said, "Babe, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise." He reassures me. I nod though I was still terrified. Niall's hand softly laid on my shoulder as he pulled me up against his toned body. I breathed heavily and felt the ache of crying threatening my eyes. I was panicky for no reason. Niall wouldn't never hurt me. I laughed to keep from Feeling as nervous as I was and laid my head against his chest. Niall tilted my chin with his finger so I'd look up at him. "Hey, gorgeous." He whispered. I blushed, "Hello, handsome." He leaned down and kissed my lips. It was soft but then was strong and added more passion. I ran my hands along his muscles of his back while he held my bare hips softly and kissed down my jawline then my neck. For just a few moments I felt that confidence only Niall causes. But after a while, I pulled away. Every nerve in my body felt like sparks were flying through them. I had to squeaks his arm to make sure I was okay and to make sure that everything that happened did really happy. I breathed heavily and was scared again; Niall definitely noticed. "Sorry." I mumbled. "It's okay..." He furrowed his brow, "It's all okay." He said softer this time and rubbed the jutting scars of my wrists.