Dan, Phil and I are sat watching How I Met Your Mother but I can hardly focus on it, all I can think of is Jason and how much I miss him.
It's funny because you'd think that having a boyfriend in a gang means I'm at danger constantly but actually when he's around I'm very safe because no one would dare so much as look at me when Jason's in town, but now he's gone...my life is at risk. But more on that later.
I'm struggling to cope without Jason here, I'm used to him being off on "business" but this is different. He normally says goodbye face to face or if he can't he'll ring me for an hour saying goodbye. But this time he just ran off, all he said was "I'm sorry" and got in the car and sped off. It makes me feel like after 2 years of being together he can't even be bothered to say goodbye properly when he's going to be away for longer than normal.
Theres no point in being down here seeing as I'm hardly paying attention so I'll just go for a shower to clear my head.
"I'm going for a shower now so don't run any taps!" All I get was a mumbled response as they are to engrossed in the tv, how rude!
As I get my stuff ready for my shower I know that Im not coping well enough so badly that I want to cry...but I can't cry, I won't, I have to push the pain away...and I know how. But I'll have a shower first otherwise there's too much mess to clean up.
After my shower I get dressed and find my blade, I hold it above my arm for a moment and say "I'm sorry Jase, I know you'll hate me for doing this but I have to." I press the blade down hard and drag it across slowly and sigh with relief, that's better, it feels so good! I keep going 7 more times and realise I did it longer and deeper than normal...oh well, shouldn't make a difference. I put on Jason's hoodie that he left me and go to join the others downstairs seeing as I feel better after that. As I get to the lounge I feel dizzy but shake it off.
"hey kiddo, you smell much better" at least I think that's what Dan said...my hearings going funny...oh no...my eyes go blurry and the floor collides with my back and everything goes dark...
*A/N* ooooh a cliffhanger ;) sorry if its bad. Thanks for requesting more send me suggestions if you have any ideas for the story! I'm so glad you like it. I know this chapter is slightly upsetting so if you need to talk I'm here, believe me I've been there. Tell me what you think of it so far! Sorry for not updating when I said I would but I had a tone of coursework to do :( I'll update ASAP! Mwah :*