Can you imagine living your whole life believing you were inferior to each and every living soul on this planet? Truly, desperately believing that there was nothing you could do to make you equal. Believing entirely that you were worthless. Well, I don’t have to imagine. This tortured, pitiful excuse for a life is my reality. Or at least, it was.
Fifteen years. Fifteen wasted years. They made me doubt my right to be human, and now they will pay. My entire life has been a lie; I was forced to believe I was a monster, responsible for killing the people I loved. I was a child, no more than five years old; and they blamed me. The cruelty by which they welcomed me into their family was beaten into me from a young age. It was my fault, my fault my mother was dead, my fault my father had gone insane, my fault he had tried to kill me. None of it was my fault; I no longer had to take the blame for nature’s cruelty. However, my blame will sit on a thrown of pleasure, crowned in jewels of revenge, atop their downfall.
I was no more than a shadow they could punish, but now, now I have risen from my dark past and I know the truth. I am not below them. I am far, far above them, soaring on the clouds of freedom as they lurch deep in the heart of the past. They are my family. Or, at least they were.
“Kasia, stop!” my body lurched towards him, unable to contain the anger dancing inside me, it would break free and I could not control it. His pale green eyes narrowed in anger, he was leaving me and I would not hear it.
“No! No!” my fists were clenched tightly in fear of revealing what was hidden within; they pounded mercilessly against his rigid chest. He did not try and stop me, he was too smart for that.
“Stop.” His voice wasn’t raised, and yet I felt the all too familiar hold he had on me wrap around my spine and force my nerves to disobey me. My arms hastily found my sides and I lowered my head.
“Sorry.” His fingers forcefully found my chin, hoisting my head upwards, showing off my shame.
“You will never, ever touch me like that again. Do you hear me? Never!” I winced away from his spiteful glare, only to be held in place by my pride. This time, I forced my eyes to lock with his, waves of some intense, misguided feeling darting between our glares. We were too alike, he and I, it was never going to end well.
“Sorry.” I filled this one word with as much spiteful venom I could find stored within me before firing it towards his heart.
“It’s not me you’re angry at Kasia, you need to remember that.” He shoved my head away with the fingers he had used to anchor me in place. Unfortunately, he was right.
We walked on, the conversation between us never revealed itself. I had never liked people who felt the need to fill silence with empty words. Dannen was the same. We walked in silence to our next resting spot. A sensation I have felt too many times before, began its slow, torturous journey from my finger tips; although I had experienced the turmoil before, fear struck my lungs as forcefully as it had the first time.
“Dan-,” my strangled yelp most likely did not make it through the pitiless wind to my only chance of survival. I was not going to make it this time. Slowly my brain lost control of my body. I could feel the lights within me extinguish each other, one by one. My own body trying to kill itself. All too soon the lights dwindled and I was left alone.
“Don’t cry,” the soothing words were ignited by a voice of the opposite hue. I would not let the fear within me show. There was nothing left inside me for him to break. I was but a shell of a being, nothing more. A lone tear escaped from behind my tightly sealed eyes; betrayed by my own body. A laugh erupted from my intruder, the sound grated on my insides, skinning me from within, “I said, don’t cry!” his fist met my cheek in a battle for obedience. I concentrated on the sound of my steady breaths. I was not scared, not anymore. Collision after collision occurred outside me. I was not a participant anymore, merely an onlooker. I would not feel what he wanted me to feel; so his onslaught grew fiercer. His feet joined the mission as he tortured me further. A scream erupted from somewhere, I wasn’t sure where.
“Stop-ple-,” betrayed again by what lay within me. The screams wouldn’t stop. Neither did his pleasure.
“Kasi, please Kasi!” A voice unfamiliar to the me of the past rang loudly within my ears. He needed me to come back, but I couldn’t. I was trapped by the pain of my past, it was dragging me backwards into its despairing hell.
“Come on Kas, please!” His fear for me was evident, because I could feel it myself. My brother was going to kill me this time. I needed to go back, but I was lost in the web of unravelling memories. The pain was weaving a mist of confusion over my eyes. My sight left me alone with only the pain as my comfort.
“Kas!” A loud scream leapt from within me as the light returned.