Only hate the road when you're missing home...
When people walk away, let them go. In fact, erase them from your memory and pretend their existence wasn't one of importance to you. I could have pretended I didn't care about leaving my life, and I truly didn't but there's still a piece of me back in Stockman that I never brought me. A piece that whether I wanted to miss the horrid, and cruel place, I did. I had no decision in the feeling. I ran my fingers across the brand new dining table, and unlike home, not a single speck of dust lifted onto the pad of my finger. Home. A place where my heart still remained, and yet I couldn't be happier to be away from it. It bears memories that only the deepest, darkest parts of my mind dared to venture. I walked into the kitchen, sliding the light switch up. The lights gradually brightened, completely opposite of my mood. No matter where in such a house I moved, everything was brand new. As far as I was concerned, brand new meant beginning. Which meant starting over and while I wanted to, I wasn't ready to. The sooner I started over, the sooner it'd all come crumbling down, trapping me beneath it's weight. I'd rather sleep on my twin sized bed that creaked every time I sat down opposed to this larger, more ravishing bed I had just received. Not that I didn't enjoy it but there was a certain beauty to things that didn't hold any. A certain beauty to things that were beaten and worn, because you remember making it that way.
I took a deep breath, and still the air felt different around me. Even the things I couldn't see, or touch, felt foreign. I sighed, sliding my phone into my pocket as I began heading towards the door. There was no point in trying to make amends with something I'd never grow to love. I pulled it open, listening as the lock clicked back together and already I was down the long drive way. The stone was rough beneath my shoes, but it brought me back home. I don't know how but it brought a settled calmness over my tensed body. Maybe I was just crazy, or maybe it was just some part of me that I had never witnessed to before. I reached the gray concrete sidewalk, beginning down it as I walked further and further away from the house. The town itself was nice. Cozy, small and it brought a feeling of contentment upon entering but something about myself still didn't feel in peace with nature. It was like a fore-shadowing you spent all of your school life reading about. Instead of dark, thunderous clouds, it was a thumping in my heart that made my future so dark and ominous. Maybe I was tired... worn out but no matter where I walked, the feeling stayed. No matter what I tried to do to distract myself, the feeling still settled within my mind. I looked down at my phone, trying to distract myself from...well, myself. Even with nobody watched, I crossed an arm across my torso, holding my other arm close, insecure with not how I looked but how I appeared. My blonde hair a disaster, my whole being depressed and tired. Not physically but mentally.
Without looking up, I felt my body bump into another as I stumbled back. I gathered myself, looking up to meet who I had met. He was tall, that was a given. His brunette curls were pushed up off his forehead, a bandanna keeping them in place. His jade green eyes were bright and shone in the bright sun. His rosy lips were pulled down into a frown and before I could observe anymore, his deep, raspy voice rang through the air.
"Watch where the hell you're going!" He snapped as I cowered away. I quickly nodded, turning and hurrying away. My movements were quick and I was soon turning back into the driveway. Whoever he was obviously didn't like being bothered and I'm pretty sure just being me didn't help the situation any. I remember the way he glared down at me and the anger in his eyes sent shivers down my arms. The driveway seemed infinite but soon I was pushing the door open; loudly closing it. I rushed up to my bedroom, closing and locking the door as I walked over to my bed, falling down onto the comforter. I heaved out a breath, letting my eyes fall shut as I allowed my body to relax. Just as I felt myself drift into a sleep, my mother came bursting through the door, awaking my delirious state.
"Hey sweetie! Keep in mind, you have your first day of school tomorrow!" She smiled as I nodded. She stood, waiting for me to say something but when she realized I'd stay silent, she nodded, quietly closing the door. The sky had began turning dark, and I decided it was time to settle down. I closed my curtains, changing into something I found myself always wearing. My fluffy cupcake pajama pants and my dad's over sized t-shirt, I had stolen from him when I was thirteen. I still remember the bond we used to have but after he left, I couldn't bother to care anymore. Still, the shirt brought back happy memories which could lull me to sleep. I removed the minimum make up I wore, tying my hair into a bun as I cuddled down, deep beneath my comforter. I didn't bother with preparing for the upcoming day, because there was nothing to prepare for. Get ready in the morning as always, why should I practice? Everything I did, even laying down felt so depressing but I closed my eyes, ignoring the feeling.
Tomorrow would be the day I'd start over, physically anyways. I don't know how long I'd last but it couldn't be harder this time. I learned it the hard way, but if I don't have any friends, I don't have anybody to reveal my secrets. With the reassuring thought, I felt myself fall into a slumber, the dark night beginning it's journey to day.
I blinked my eyes several times, taking in a breath as I craned my head up. I looked around confused before remembering that we had moved yesterday. I wouldn't go to school and have people give me judgmental stares. I laid for several minutes, in a void state. Nothing was on my mind, but I just stared at the blank wall beside me. I turned my body, looking out the window only to realize it had gotten much brighter outside. Knowing I had to get up, I pushed myself off the bed with a groan. My feet touched the ground, my body standing up as I swayed slightly. My vision blurred and it was as if I were staring at a light show before going back to normal. I walked lazily towards my dresser, pulling out my outfit for today. I took a shower, pulled my hair into a braid and pulled my outfit on. The over sized gray sweater reached mid-thigh, and I quickly pulled my black skinny jeans up. I'd rather opt for comfortable rather then slutty, which judging this town, most girl's would disagree with.
I pulled my tattered Converse onto my feet, tying them up and pulling my book bag onto my shoulder. I didn't talk to my parents, and I decided to skip breakfast seeing as I was too lazy. Without another word, I was out the door, headed towards my car. I quickly got in, starting it and pulling out of the driveway. The ride there wasn't long and before I knew it, I was walking through the halls, people staring at me. Didn't they know it was rude to stare? Whispers were exchanged before people as I looked awkwardly down at my shoes. I finally found the office, walking in as people looked up at me. I gathered everything I needed, and I was now heading to my first class.
The butterflies in my stomach fluttered around but at least I had some time to calm myself before I'd have to introduce myself in front of brand new faces.