Emi left just 5 days ago now and we're been talking on the phone pretty much constantly since she went, well not talking as such just here crying whilst I sit here unable to do anything. It's torture for me but I don't dare tell her she has too much on her plate without me adding to it.
I've also been speaking with Johnny a lot to ask how they're all getting on and to sort out transferring the rest of the money which he won't stop thanking me for even though I tell him not to. He's also been filling me in on everything that has been going on with Amanda medically wise, the doctors have said that the treatment she's going to have is more effective on the type of cancer she has compared to regular treatments so theres a higher chance of success which is amazing and I'm really couldn't be happier about.
"Niall you ready we're on in a minute?" Liam asked me as I was sat on the phone with Emi.
"Yeah 1 sec, let me just say bye to Emi." I replied with the phone away from my ear.
"Alright, give her the best from us as well." He said and I nodded in response.
"I've got to go now but me and the guys all love you and were here for you." I told her.
"Oh yeah forgot you had a show tonight, first one I won't be there for so I hope you're all taking good photos of each other for me," she said with a small laugh trying to hide how she was really feeling. " Thank you Ni and thanks to the guys, good luck for your show. You'll all be amazing as always. I'm going to go to sleep early it's been a long day so I'll call you tomorrow."
"Okay sweetheart, thank you and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams." I said before we hung up.
*during the performance*
We were singing our very last song and my solo was coming up but I just couldn't get my head straight, all I could think of was Emi and the fact I should be with her right now. I should have told her how I felt before she left, I should have asked her to be mine. When it was time for my solo I just couldn't sing... The words couldn't physically come out of my mouth. The band soon stopped playing and soon after that the arena was silent as everyone's eyes were on me.
"Niall what are you doing?" Liam whisper yelled at me but I was unable to answer I just stood there with my mouth tight shut.
"Mate you alright?" Harry asked from my left, "Mate?" he repeated when I didn't reply. I dropped my mic causing a loud horrific sound to ring through the speakers before I finally answered.
"I... I... don't think... guys I can't do this... I need her... I need Emi... and... I think she needs me right now..." I mumbled with tears in my eyes. Yup I was crying in front of thousands of fans and my closest friends.
"Lets get you off stage." Harry said placing his mic down and then wrapping his arm round my shoulders and quickly walking me off stage to some sofas backstage.
Bless Liam though as he broke the silence after I walked off. "We're sorry about this, somebody close to us is going through a very hard time right now and this is the first show without them here so we're not quite feeling ourselves at the moment. We must apologise for this and end the show here but thank you for coming out tonight. We love you all!" I heard him tell the audience before the three of them ran of stage to the sound of the fans going crazy... not sure in what way but it didn't matter at the moment.
"Thanks for that." I told Liam as he sat down next to me.
"It's alright, I wasn't really feeling up to it tonight either." He said honestly and all the guys agreed.
"Emi's part of our family, it's not right when she isn't here." Zayn said what we were all thinking.
"Guys I think I want to leave the tour early and go see her..." I said quietly afraid of what they might say.
"How many shows do we have left?" Harry asked us.
"Just the one which is the day after tomorrow but we have some interviews and PR set up before we leave." Lou answered.
"So we have a week of nothing really too important before we can leave?"
"Yes harry, but it is a little important." Li answered this time.
"I know but does Ni need to be with us for it? He could leave after the next show and then we can stick it out till the 4th of december?"
"Or we could call up the places we are due to have interviews and cancel or reschedule for january when Emi will be with us hopefully?" Zayn suggested.
"Would simon agree?" Lou chipped in.
"I'll call him and ask if we can all leave on wednesday night after the show and then reschedule the rest of the stuff, he has to agree if we tell him about us having to end tonights show slightly early."
"I'm sorry about that guys." I said feeling guilty about my break down.
"It's fine, to be honest I could barely sing my solo so there was no way you could have." Li said before getting up to call Simon.
"So what'd he say?" I asked when he came back 20 minutes later. Please say we can leave!!
"He called everyone up and they are rescheduling for january or cancelling as long as we do the interview at a later date so we can leave on wednesday." He said smiling.
"YES! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH GUYS!!" I yelled feeling happy finally.
"Woah calm down Ni that didn't apply to you."
"Wait... No I need to see here I can't last any longer than that..." I said going from happy to on the brink of tears almost instantly.
"Oh god no Ni, Its good news..." He said panicking.
"Yeah?" I asked lifting my head out my hands.
"We agreed you can leave now, he doesn't think its good for you to do another show as we can't afford to end another one early." He smiled wide at me and soon I had the exact same smile on my face.
"I get to go now? I can go home and see her now?" I said in a little shock.
"Yeah lets go pack your flight is in a hour." He said looking at his phone for the time.
"Wait I think we should do one thing first." Zayn said leading us to a dressing room with one of Emi's cameras.
This day had gone from completely terrible to completely perfect... I just hope she's as happy to see me as I am to see her.
"Promise one thing though Nialler..." Harry said as I was about to close the door of the car that was taking me to the airport.
"Tell her how you feel." He said before shutting my door.
Sorry for the really late update I just started back at school and I've had a load of work and no free time so I couldn't really write much :(
Stay crazy! -Mel X