A Spiral of Deteriorating Thoughts

This is just a poem of thoughts. I hope you don't understand them. If you do don't let anyone define you, not even yourself, you're beautiful and don't forget it.

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1. A Spiral of Deteriorating Thoughts

I find it easy to talk about most things
But not about this
Because as much as I say that it's nothing
That's just a wish

I'm not in control as I was once before
And what if it spirals and turns into more

I'm someone who's always been tough as nails
I can't be beaten by what's inside my head
It doesn't even exist it's not a real thing
So why does it torture me more than the said
Real things or real people who could easily
Physically bruise and break me instead?

It's there everyday
That voice in my brain
Guilt-tripping me away from those foods
That would make me better again

And the foods haunt me too
Calling and calling until it's too late
And I'm fuller than full
And fatter than fat
And I want it all out of me
I want to be thin
And no one can save me from myself
And I used to be fine and I don't know what's happened
How did I end up like this and how do I stop
I've always been fat and hated myself
But never would I do this to myself
Someone stop me
Because I can't stop myself
And I'm scared.

And even this poem's gone totally wrong
The rhythm's not neat and the rhyme has all gone
But the words started flowing and wouldn't pause
To form orderly lines and instead forced
Their way onto the page and I can't help but wish
I had never started writing this.

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