I Have to Stop Listening // n.h.

"Oh, look, she hasn't killed herself yet."

I'm planning on it.


Ashley O'Brien; depressed, anorexic, bulimic, anxiety. Her parents disowned her because she was "fat" and "ugly". Her boyfriend broke up with her because he saw a cut on her arm. She has no friends, no one to talk to.

What happens when her old best friend, Niall Horan, comes back to town? Will he see her scars? Is he going to help her?


1. Chapter 1

• Ashley •

"Hopefully I won't see you here tomorrow." Julia said.

You won't.

I got to my apartment, and saw that there was mail in my box. It was a letter from somewhere in London.

I got inside and opened the letter.


GURL YOU HAVENT OPENED MY TEXTS OR EMAILS WHAT UP??? Ha ha.. Anyways I'm coming down to see you next week sooooo yeah see ya


Niall? Niall's visiting? Oh no.

I checked my texts and emails. Yep, Niall. Shit.

The letter was dated from a week ago.. So he's probably on his way here. I have to hide my razors, lighters, and anything bloody.

Just as I was about to do that, there was a knock on the door.

I slowly opened the door, and Niall was standing there, smiling.

"Ashley!" He said, wrapping his arms around me. He's gotten muscle since I last saw him, woah.


He lifted me off the ground, and I laughed.

"You're too skinny! I'm taking you to Pizza Hut!" He said, pulling my arm to lead me out the door.

I dragged my feet. "No, I'm too fat." I whined, making the 'a' really long.

"Ash, c'mon, I'm hungry and you're not fat!" He picked me up and carried me out to his car.


We got home, after eating three pizzas, of course.

I went to my bathroom, to hide my razors, but instead I sat there, looking at all my scars. On my arms, hips, thighs. 10 for every day I've hated myself. And that's a lot. 15 on the baddest days.

"Ashley, you in there?" Niall asked. I didn't answer. I picked up all my razors, and quickly tried to find a place to hide them as the door opened. I threw them under the sink.

"Ash.. Is- Is that..?" Niall was looking at my arm, a little cut was peeking out from under my shirt, which I hadn't pulled all the way down yet.

"No.. It's just- just-" He wasn't convinced. "Yeah."

Tears instantly fell from my eyes. "Aw, Ash." He pulled me close to his body.

"Why would you do this?" He sounded like he was crying, too.

"Nob-body loves me, I want to die."

"But, what about your parents, and you friends, and your boyfriend.." After that, I thought I heard a small whisper, "and me."

"My parents di-disowned me because they s-said I was f-fat and ug-ugly, my friends left m-me because I'm a l-loser, and Sean l-left be-because he saw my c-cuts." I sobbed.

I felt Niall's hands clench behind my back. Was he mad? Him and Sean were best friends, and I'm sure they still talk a lot.

"Your parents didn't deserve to be your parents, your 'friends' didn't know how awesome you are, Sean is a dick for not loving you, he didn't deserve you." He said. He pulled away and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"I'm coming to college with you tomorrow."

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