2. That Night- MyLies
That Night by MyLies
Storyline: the storyline was a little bit cliché. From reading the first chapter, the characters weren't very clearly defined: they all seemed very similar. I only read the first chapter, so I can't be completely sure but there's a chance that some characters we're unnecessary. The story moved along at a good pace and the chapter seemed to end at the right time with a hint of suspense.
Grammar: there was nothing brutally wrong with the grammar. A few simple punctuation mistakes were made, like ending the paragraph without using a full-stop. Also, I think you made a mistake between "they're" and "their".
There- used for direction. "The house is right over there."
Their- used for possession. "Their dog barked all night."
They're- used as an abbreviation of "they are". "They're going out tonight."
Other than that, there was nothing hugely wrong.
Overall: overall I would score the first chapter of this story 6/10. Basic grammar and poorly defined characters let your story down a bit, but the first chapter does show potential. Happy writing!