I slowly approach the camera, the on light flashing.
I'm slowly getting closer to the middle of the video frame. I want to make a dramatic entrance but I want to make it stupid and funny at the same time, you know? I don't want to start in front of the camera right away. I need to make the right impression.
I'm in my bedroom with the ugly brown walls (which I know were a huge mistake) , just me and the camera. And the bed. And the TV. Just everything in the room. And me. I feel nervous but excited to be doing this, after watching youtubers for a while I feel it's time to try youtube myself, especially since some how they'd noticed me and I'd found a weird internet relationship with a couple.
I realise I should probably just get talking, it is an introduction video. I'd probably cut my stupid entrance out.
'So...' I say 'my name is Dan,' I sound slightly robot like, I probably shouldn't have practised so much. Phil did tell me it gets easier to speak to a camera.
I use my thumb and my finger on my hands to create a box. Crap! What am I doing? I do it again, but this time I pout. Hopefully it will be seen as a joke.
'nice to meet you' I hold out my hand, like someone would actually shake it.
I stumble over what I'm going to say next, I'll edit it out. I'll do one of those fancy jump cuts everyone does.
'So, this is my first ever proper video I guess,' I feel like face palming myself, of course it was my first video ever! Whoever bothered watching wouldn't know I'd messed up with all the other videos. I had to get this one right!
I need something, something to make it interesting and exciting and dramatic. I quickly scan my bedroom. I notice an old party popper that's been sitting in my room for at least 10 years. I'm not even kidding.
'Wooo' I say to the camera and pull on the string.
I look at the camera, what now? I quickly pick up the inside remains of the party popper and put them on my head, that's ironic right?
I'll just edit this.
I explain that I've always wanted to create videos but I've never really had the confidence. I make a joke about how I have tissue paper on my head.
Now seems a good time to start I guess. If I ever upload it.
'Some good friends I've made recently persuaded me to give it a shot'
I apologise for my crappy microphone on my laptop. I hope that I don't actually sound like that in real life. I can't afford to buy decent stuff yet, I mean what's the point if no one wants to watch me?
'I'm going to try my best to be one of those people that sits there like..' I pause, maybe I could do a sketch making fun of people who make boring videos. I'll do that later.
'But yeah,' I was continuing on from what ever I was going to do, I wasn't too sure yet, but I'd add it in. 'I'm going to attempt to be entertaining. Please click the yellow up there, I have tons of ideas and I'm going to try to post videos regularly'
Only if enough people watch, they might not like me.
I turn the webcam off. What should I do? Would it be funny to make a parody of other people's videos? I know, I'll add on a black and white filter. I go into my parent's bedroom and steal an eyeliner from my mum. Perfect for looking emo. I don't really care how it looks.
I make sure I'm speaking in a draining voice, after all these years I was putting my acting skills to use.
'I went to college... it was raining... yeah. Kinda awkward, dunno what to say,' I didn't know what to say and it did feel awkward speaking to an inanimate object, but I wanted to be the opposite of the type of people I was making fun of so I wasn't going to show it.
'What have I done to my face?' I try to wipe the eyeliner away, but I think I just smudge it. 'yuck'
What now? I rack my brain, trying to find something to talk about. I woke up with bruise this morning, I guess I could talk about that.
'Look what I woke up with?' I block myself out with my arm so whoever was watching could see the bruise. 'What the f is that? It's like someone impaled me in my sleep!'
I step away from the camera.
'Please remember to subscribe an I'll see you soon!' I use my fingers to create a heart sign, people love that.'
I turn of the webcam.
Hopefully that was good enough. Maybe I could get as many subscribers like Phil or Peej. Maybe. I probably won't though.
I go on to my laptop, time to start editing.